Japan’s only giant panda, Ling Ling, died of old age today at Tokyo’s Ueno Zoo. Ling Ling was 22 years and seven months old. This is the equivalent age of a 70-year-old human. Mourners said a pray for Ling Ling and placed flowers at a makeshift altar near his enclosure. Ling Ling was removed from public viewing two days ago, because he was suffering from heart and kidney failure.

The zookeeper said, “Ling Ling was a representative of our zoo. He died peacefully. I think he lived a full life.”

Ling Ling was the only giant panda owned by Japan. There’s 8 giant pandas in Japan, but they are all being leased by China.

R.I.P. Ling Ling!

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Electrocute her ass! Mimi turned on the lights to the Empire State Building in NYC today to promote her new album. From April 25 to the 27, the building will be lavender, pink and white in her honor. She’s probably creaming lamb juice over this.

How many hooker dresses can one ho have? Seriously. She has the same dress in ten thousand colors and fabrics.

These pictures of Mimi flipping the switch reminds me of that video from the 90s of the Brazilian TV reporter getting electrocuted by grapes! Click here if you haven’t seen it. Don’t worry! He didn’t die….I think. No, he didn’t die. I googled it.

Let me explain the picture first. When I googled “dick thieves” this came up. Now on to our story!

13 people have been arrested in the Congo for stealing dick! 13 suspected sorcerers have been accused of using black magic to steal or shrink the dicks of several men. Police had to step in, because angry mobs were threatening to lynch suspects.

Last week in the capital city of Kinshasa, rumor spread that sorcerers were going around shrinking cock. Even radio stations warned people to beware of people in communal taxis with gold rings. Beware of the dick shrinkers! Over here we call dick shrinkers, Paris Hilton.

The 14 victims claims the sorcerers simply touched them to make their dicks shrink or disappear. They suspect they did this to extort cash from them for a cure.

The police chief said he thinks it’s one big joke, but “when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’.” That police chief is a hot slut.

Have these dick sorcerers been visiting my cruise bar of choice, because my one-nighters have been coming up “short” lately.

Here’s a few pics from last night of two penises I’d like to see disappear.

Cynthia Nixon recently said that she had breast cancer in 2006. Cynthia said she “beat” it after six-weeks of radiation. The experience has given Cynthia the desire to marry her hot bitch girlfriend of 3 years, Christine Marinoni.

The National Enquirer claims the two want to marry this Fall in Vermont. A source said, “Cynthia and Chris want a quiet autumn ceremony in Vermont under the red leaves. It’s supposed to be a very low-key gathering, just for close friends and family.” My invitation better be in the mail, because there’s no way I want to miss this hot lesbian wedding. I’ll buy them a wooden duck. Lesbians love wooden ducks.

The red leaves will look gorgeous against Rojo Caliente’s skin. I’m not talking about Cynthia either. Rojo Caliente better order her tuxedo from Casual Male right now. That’s going to be a special order.

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Bart Simpson has returned to the TV sets of Venezuela where he belongs. The Simpson was pulled from its 11am slot earlier this month and replaced with Titwatch Baywatch, because the show is too nasty for children or something like that.

A spokeswhore for station Televen told The Associated Press that Bart and friends will be shown Wednesdays at 7 p.m. every week.

The station is still facing fines and could be taken off the air for up to 3 days as punishment for keeping the show in the morning after being warned.

They do not play around! And I thought we were harsh. If Janet Jackson exposed her tittay on Venezuelan TV, she would have been executed.

I knew that in a chicken fight between Bart and Hugo Chavez, Bart would win. He always does.

Alicia Keys’ said her comments to Blender Magazine about certain conspiracy theories were twisted around and misrepresented. Blender published an article in their May issue in which Alicia said, `Gangsta rap’ was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. `Gangsta rap’ didn’t exist.” They also claim she said Biggie and Tupac were assassinated by “the government and the media, to stop another black leader from existing.“

As expected, Alicia‘s publicist wrote this statement:

“My comments about `gangsta rap’ were in no way trying to suggest that the government is responsible for creating this genre of rap music. The point that I was trying to make was that the term was oversloganized by some of the media causing reactions that were not always positive. Many of the `gangsta rap’ lyrics articulate the problems of the artists’ experiences and I think all of us, including our leaders, could be doing more to address these problems including drugs, gang violence, crime, and other related social issues.“

Blender told AP that they stand by their story.

This is why you should not toke while giving an interview. If I was a celebrity, I would bring four tape recorders, a film crew, a talking parrot and three witnesses to interviews to make sure my shit was not going to get twisted around.