Do we get a vote in this? Seriously! The FDA is trying to keep us from Vicodin and Percocet, because of their effects on the liver. Once my liver wakes up from its coma, it will testify (in a slurry voice) that Vicodin has only had a positive effect on it.

It get worse, the FDA also wants to lower the maximum dose of over-the-counter acetaminophen. That means your after dinner snack of Tylenol PM won’t be as strong! And how are we going to cope around children?! The FDA must think of the children!!!!!

Ugh. I’m so moving to Tijuana.

Naomi Campbell isn’t the only supermodel who can cause a bitch to sleep with a baseball bat underneath their bed! Karen Mulder can play that game too. Karen was arrested in Paris yesterday for threatening to whoop her plastic surgeon’s ass. The Daily Mail says that 39-year-old Karen told her plastic surgeon to reverse a surgery, but her doctor refused. Instead of flying to Brazil to have the work done there like any normal person would do, Karen got on the phone and made threats.

A French detective (picture Olivier Martinez without pants on to make this quote more interesting) said, “She was screaming and shouting about the operation and became extremely threatening. There were repeated calls to the female surgeon who was extremely scared. The suspect is being interviewed.”

Karen is no stranger to crazy. She spent some time in a psychiatric hospital after she lost it during a TV interview. In the interview, Karen said she was used as a sex slave during her modeling days and said that her father used to hypnotize her when she was little. Her father blamed her lunacy on ze drugs….

Wait. Hold up. You can end up in handcuffs if you threaten and scream at a ho over the phone!? Please don’t tell Mah Boo’s doorman about this.

It looks like someone is trying to fish out a stuck cum ball. It happens. So…Gossip Girl has started shooting again which means we’ll see a million pictures of Chuck Bass wearing clothes from Gordon Gekko’s dirty laundry basket. Where Wall St. meets Santa Monica Blvd….

Oh and speaking of cum dust, a bunch of you skanks recommended that I get my eyes blown out (see below post), so I’m running out to do just that. No, really I am. I’ll be back in a quick minute…..unless I trip on a peen or two.

Ginger (as played by Tara Buck) from True Blood – Ginger is the fangbanging waitress/hot bitch at Fangtasia who has been glamorized so many times that she forgot she is the real inspiration for the character Jerri Blanks on Strangers with Candy. But seriously, anybody with Jerri Blanks hair is a certified hot slut.

Last year, former pussy panderer Heidi Fleiss was living in a trailer with a bunch of parrots. It looks like Madame Heidi’s luck is turning around! Heidi has finally wrapped her salty slug lips on the right wang! Heidi has announced that she will make it legal with fellow whore dealer Dennis Hof, owner of Nevada’s Moonlite Bunny Ranch. Double the pimp! Together, there’s not a chocha they won’t be able to sell.

Heidi said, “I’m proud to say that I’m clean and sober, and I’m finally ready to make a commitment to one man – and that’s Dennis. It’s going to be my first and only wedding, so it’s going to be fabulous.” After she said that, her face fell off, because saying that many words at one time was too much pressure. It’s all good though. They used some Gorilla Glue to paste her face back on. She’ll be ready her fabulous wedding. And fabulous is right!

Heidi calls it a “wedding,” but let’s call it what it’s really going to be: a straight-up orgy. Instead of the wedding officiant (who I’m hoping will be Airforce Amy) announcing “You may now kiss the bridge,” she’s going to announce “You may now kiss the bride’s vagina.” Instead of throwing rice, the groomsmen and bridesmaids will form a circle jerk around the newlyweds and shoot loads all over them. Heidi’s something blue will be something she blew. This is going to be a wedding for the whore ages!

Source VIA The Frisky

The L.A. County Coroner held a press conference today where he said that it will take 4-6 more weeks before they know the official cause of Michael Jackson’s death. Michael’s autopsy was completed, but they need to do more toxicology tests to know for sure. The Coroner also said that there were no signs of any external trauma to Michael’s body and they don’t suspect foul play. He did say that Michael was taking prescription pills, but he can’t say for sure what he was taking until the tests come back. Also, Michael was pronounced dead by the doctors at the hospital.

Those are the facts for now. There are a million rumors running everywhere (google it, you dumb fuck) about what he was taking. MJ’s old doctor, Deepak Chopra, told CNN that he heard a shot of Demerol caused him to go into cardiac arrest. The cops are also confirmed that they looking to speak to Michael Jackson’s in-house doctor who tried to revive him before the paramedics arrived. The doctor dude is currently MIA.

So…four more weeks. Or more! Is there enough kitten videos on YouTube to get me through it? I think I’ve already seen them all. Every time I read some sad stuff, I look for another kitten video to watch. I’ll have to move on to bunnies, puppies and ferrets. No, scratch that last one. I’ll never go that far.