During a performance of “Love in an Elevator” at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota last night, Steven Tyler fell backwards off the stage and onto a few audience members. (Insert a zillion “going doooown” jokes here).

The Associated Press says Steven suffered minor head, neck and shoulder owwies. Steven was immediately airlifted to the hospital after being examined by an on-site doctor. A rep for the Buffalo Chip Campground, where the concert took place, said Steven was all jokes and laughed about it afterwards. The rep added, “He does a lot of dancing on the stage and he does a lot of stuff with his mike stand. He put his stand down and twirled around and stepped backwards off the stage. It was an unfortunate end to an extraordinary evening.”

Last month, Aerosmith was forced to cancel a bunch of shows after Steven effed up his leg while jumping onstage. Their bassist Tom Hamilton had to get non-invasive surgery and was temporarily replaced by David Hull for part of the tour. AND Joe Perry had knee surgery back in March. Can someone please send these dudes an emergency shipment of Three Wolf Moon t-shirts?! They should be required to wear them at all times!

I believe that Steven Tyler is going to outlive us all, so it won’t be long before he’s thrusting his crotch bone and shimmying like he needs a dollar in a serious way.

Image: Wenn

Sam the koala, who became an international icon of hope after the Aussie bush fires, has gone off to the great big eucalyptus forest in the sky. I know, it’s okay to loudly wail in your cubicle. Everyone will just think you’re having another “life realization” while dealing with your hangover. Let it out. Let it out.

Sam died during surgery. Doctors were trying to remove cysts caused by chlamydia. Apparently, chlamydia affects nearly 50% of the koala population. WAIT. Was Parasite Hilton in Australia recently? Close your borders to all Hiltons, Australia. Think of the koalas. 🙁

During the aftermath of the bush fires, Sam was found badly burned and suffering from a bad case of the thirsties. A fireman offered her a drink from a bottle of water and that beautiful moment was captured by a camera. It made its way around the internets and made all of us with dead hearts feel emotion again. Sam taught us how to feel things again!

Australia’s Prime Minister Kevin Rudd mourned Sam today and said, “The symbol of hope for so many people around the world was the great picture of that wonderful koala being fed water by one of our firefighters. I think that gave the people of the world a great sense of hope that this country, Australia, could come through those fires, as we have. Sam the Koala was part of the symbolism of that, and it’s tragic that Sam the koala is no longer with us.”

May Sam rest in peace…. Seriously, this is really sad. Look at this face:

….And I’m on the floor drowning in a puddle of my own tears (just pretend I can actually produce tears).

Last month, Courtney Love said that she was going to put a little chunk on her bones after doctors told her that being skinnier than Posh Beckham’s tampon (which is skinnier than a roach’s clit) is not healthy. So what has Court been doing to fatten up? The Daily Mail says that she’s been eating a human growth hormone called Genotropin.

A source, “Courtney has been struggling with her weight. She’s been using the hormones to help her gain muscle and for anti-ageing and likes the results. But she’s not very discreet. She even left a vial of it in her LA hotel room.”

I feel the need to steal a quote from one of my favorite bitches of the moment, Tiny from Tiny & Toya: “Girl, you need less internet.”

Seriously, Genotropin really sounds like some shit that was recommended to Courtney in a spam e-mail. That crazy is the only bitch on this planet who reads her spam mail from word to word. Courtney’s Crackberry is probably filled with hundreds of numbers for “Nigerian exiles” and her guest room houses a dozen “*young russian beauties*.” Court falls for it every time.

Here’s the poster child for Genotropin trolling around NYC on Saturday. If looking like an understuffed Kira from The Dark Crystal pantyhose doll is the look Court is going for, then I take back my TITLE! Because if that’s the case, the Genotropin pills are working!

Just take the essence of Prostitution Whore from The Real Housewives of NJ, stir in a drop Swan Brooner’s tears of determination, throw in every single item Contempo Casuals made in 1988 and blend until creamy. After you pour it into a bowl and sprinkle a handful of Victoria Gotti’s dandruff on top, you will have this picture! This is just more Photoshop fakery from Candie’s!

You won’t be seeing this one hanging in the middle of a Kohl’s anytime soon, because it was an outtake. They probably woke up, smelled the Cheeto smegma and realized this picture looked it belonged in a catalog for mail order mob wives (please tell me such a thing exists).

Here’s some un-touched pictures of Brit Brit with her soulmate Frapp (WITH WHIP!!!) yesterday in Los Angeles. It’s always amazing to see pictures of Brit like the one above, because she never needs help from the Photoshop fairies. Behold her natural beauty!

YES!!! I’m so excited….I’m so excited….I’m so….ooold. Yes, this People Magazine cover starring the cast of Saved By The Bell reminds me that I will soon be spending my days licking on Werther’s Originals and talking to my Pantyhose Dolls in the retirement home, but who cares?! This is what all magazine covers should look like! The best part is that People used the “U DON’T EXIST” Photoshop tool to erase Screech from the 1989 cast photo.

Now if only there was a Photoshop tool to erase the images from his (NSFW) sex tape from my brain. Screech ruined Dirty Sanchezes for me.

VIA Cover Awards

Oh, look. I’m following up a post about a ho getting slapped with a post about a ho getting slapped! Turn to your enemy, clock them in the face and explain, “It’s in the air.” Now is your chance. You’re allowed. So……

Jude Law left a dinner party at Automat in London last night and may or may not have deliberately Gerard Butler-ed a pap. The pap says Jude smacked her on purpose. Jude says it was just an accident.

This is what the pap said: “It was really loud – there was a massive thud and my face is still stinging today. It was deliberate – you could see it in his face. Maybe he didn’t realize he was hitting a girl, but he could at least apologize. He hit me full in the face. It was a real stinger, it was very sore.”

This is what Jude’s lawyer said: “This is all nonsense. Last night’s incident was an accident. Jude was blinded by the camera flashes when he left the restaurant, raised his hand to shield himself and inadvertently struck somebody standing very close. He apologized and left. Pictures of this sort can often be misleading.”

Jude’s hairline was unavailable for comment.

Who to believe? You know, I can imagine the crazy light show that hits Jude’s eyeballs whenever there are flashes around. The light from the flash ricochets back and forth between Jude’s forehead and the camera lens. Dude was just trying to stop the madness by covering his eyes. On the other hand, this wouldn’t be Jude’s first time at the “pap slappin‘” rodeo….