Eyebrow Dog!!! – Over in the magical crazy wonderland known as Japan, a TV station devoted an entire segment to a dog with real eyebrows! Their TV journalists really know what’s important and that was served with 0% sarcasm! Normally, I would suggest that Eyebrow Dog take a few swipes with a Sharpie to his right eyebrow to even them out, but he is perfect just the way he is. He’s always got one eyebrow raised like Columbo!

The Japanese memaw in this video gets an honorable Hot Slut mention!

VIA Buzzfeed

La Toya Jackson took a little time out from getting to the bottom of EVERYTHING to release a tribute song for her brother Michael Jackson. La Toya recorded the song before her brother’s death and had originally planned to dedicate it to her entire family (cut to Joe Jackson raising one of his brows). You can download “Home” on iTunes starting July 28th.

All proceeds from the sale of the single will go to The Make La Toya Relevant Fund. Jokes. La Toya will donate every single penny to AIDS Project LA, which was a charity Michael supported.

Apparently, La Toya will not take off her deerstalker cap or put down her magnifying glass to promote or market the single.

Maybe it’s because I have a soft spot for songs that sound like they should be sung by cartoon princesses trapped in towers, but I actually like this (?). I can also blame the entire box of mini powdered donuts I just swallowed whole. Ask me tomorrow when the sugar drunks wears off.

VIA The Examiner

Most nights I sit in my living praying that a giant wiener crashes through my window and taps me on the ass, but note to the heavens above, this is not what I mean. Yesterday afternoon in Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin, a chick rammed her giant plastic wiener into someone’s front door. Sounds like a regular night at SamRo’s house….

The police told The Associated Press that the driver was trying to turn a Wienermobile around in the driveway, but hit the house when she thought she was going in reverse instead of forward. Nobody was home at the time and the driver was not injured. A spokeswhore for Oscar Mayer said insurance will cover that mess.

The Wienermobile was stuck in the house’s vagina most of Friday. That’s what it gets for not using lube. You learn the hard way.

And it looks like the wiener didn’t use a condom, so expect that house to pop out a baby sausage in about nine months.

The callback auditions for American Idol start on August 6th and Paula Abdul might be missing from the judges table! This time, the reason for Paula’s absence will not be because she’s passed out face-first in the toilet in the ladies room No. Paula might not be there, because the hos in charge of Idol have yet to send her a proposal for a new contract.

Fur Tittays Cowell just signed a new contract for around $100 million, but the producers have forgotten all about the little crazy who can.

Paula’s manager told The Los Angeles Times, “Very sadly, it does not appear that she’s going to be back on Idol. I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful. I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven’t stepped up and said what they want to do. She’s not a happy camper as a result of what’s going on. She’s hurt. She’s angry. I think at this point we’re going to be considering everything, including some kind of a competition show. She has tremendous ideas for a whole variety of shows.”

The word “hurtful” doesn’t even begin to describe the atrocities the producers are putting Paula through! I might have to down a few cups of Paula’s “weekend brew” (made with Darvocet dust, Diet Mountain Dew, dextromethorphan oil, fermented peaches and a drop of Simon’s nipple nectar, ) just to deal with this awful news. If you can’t get a hold of Simon’s nipple nectar (Gaycrest, you are excused from this conversation), you can use garter snake saliva instead. But I digress…..

Paula is the Krazy Glue that holds the show together! I mean, you can replace Randy with one of the Budweiser Frogs and Kara DioJUSTSTOPALREADY with Jigsaw from Saw, but Paula is irreplaceable!

I use this quote from Paula often, but this time it really rings true: “I scratch my head and I wonder, ‘Where is god when you need him?,’ because this does not make sense!”

Why am I expecting RiRi to jump out of a tree hollow with jazz hands flailing while cackling “Ehehehehe! Ehehehehehe! Eheheheeeee!” Girl, just dip your head in a bowl of Manic Panic (Shade: Pat Field) and finish the transformation into Woody Woodpecker already! Woody doesn’t play, so he may sue your ass for copyright infringement, but hotness costs.

And RiRi is stronger than me, because my no-no would be slobbering all over that piping hot cup of sessiness in the background.

Chima from Big Brother 11 – Lust at first eyebrows! Chima obviously spends at least 30% of her day on eyebrow maintenance/worship and that makes her a best friend of Dlisted. Also, if Bratz made a Jody Watley doll (which they should), it would look EXACTLY like Chima. Exactly.

And lastly, Chima tried to bring the drama during last night’s eviction when she called Braden out for using racial slurs in the house. Homegirl almost nailed it, but she really should have quoted the legendary Sue Hawk and said: “Braden, if I were ever to pass you along in life again and you were laying there dying of first, I would not give you a drink of water. I’d like to the vultures take you and do whatever they want with you.” Clip below of a Bratz doll calling out Midlife Crisis Ken.