Dr. Drew, come and get this woman AGAIN! Tawny Kitaen, a graduate of Celebrity Rehab and one of the original videos ho, was arrested in Santa Ana, CA yesterday for driving under the influence.

Sgt. Shontel Sherwood (hottest officer name of the week) of the Newport Beach Police Department told the Associated Press that she was arrested at 3 in the afternoon after officers believed she was fucked up on booze or the bad shit while driving her Range Rover. Tawny was later released on $2,500 bail.

This wasn’t Tawny’s first time in a jail cell. Tawny was arrested back in 2006 after the po po found 15 grams of Lohan powder in her apartment.

Okay, I know the bad shit messes with your brains, but why would you get behind the wheel of a car when you’re riding high? That is the quickest way to getting caught. Flag down a bus! Hitch on to the back of a truck! Ride a pot-bellied pig! TAKE A KAYAK!

Before she leaves her spaceship, Alien Princess RiRi of the Universe needs to stand in front of a mirror and remove at least two items from her ensemble. In this case, she should’ve threw that hair in the recycle bin, because it looks like me circa 1989 after a horrific battle with a Sun-In bottle. SPOILER ALERT: I lost majorly.

Seriously, this just confirms that Sun-In is made from the saliva of SATAN! That bottle with the smiley blonde haired chick on it lures you in with the promise of sun-kissed streaks, but you end up looking like you’ve got Tony the Tiger’s mangy butt hairs on your head. DARK-SIDED!

And I’m pretty sure that you’re only allowed to wear purple lipstick if you’re a former or current member of The Misfits. I think that’s an actual law.

Kirk Cameron, the star of my favorite comedy movie of ’08 Fireproof, has once again climbed to the top of the internet mountain to shout about evolution…or something. In a video he posted on his website, Kirk went on and on about how Darwin hated vagina and was a total racist. Kirk even claims that Darwin’s “Origin of Species” inspired Hitler. Yup, the entire Seaver family just put him on the curb.

Kirk and the “Banana Guy” will travel to college campuses to hand out a new 50-page introduction for the “Origin of Species.” Unfortunately, Kirk didn’t say Boner would be joining them on the tour. Because if he was, I’d totally drop my dildo to be there.

After Kirk’s video made it around the internet and back, a Romanian girl posted a response where she calls him a “ssssssssssnake!” Homegirl spanks Kirk as if he was a screaming 2-year-old in the Salvation Army! Anybody who looks like they teleported directly from 1990 has my vote. Every time.

VIA Jezebel

Alien Princess RiRi stepped out in the streets of NYC looking like…well…like she was working the streets of NYC in one of Vanity’s old outfits.

Don’t laugh at this ho, because you know you were wearing the exact same thing this morning as you did the walk of pride (formerly the walk of shame) from your fuck friend’s house. And you weren’t fooling anyone by trying to make your ensemble look less slutty with your trick’s white shirt over it. Because nothing says “my coochie smells like sex” like a men’s white butt-down shirt over a bustier. Hotness.

It’s the season of swollen everything, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Anna Kournikova is knocked up with Enrique Iglesias’ baby. Fertile cum is in the air! The New York Daily News claims that Anna didn’t participate in the Malibu Triathlon last week, because she’s got a 2-month-old fetus hanging out in her body.

Yes, they are still together after all these centuries. I know, I had to Google it for proof.

I know Enrique got his mole chewed off a while ago, but I hope his baby inherits it. Because let’s be real, we need more mole babies.

VIA Showbiz Spy

Earlier this month, a Grinch-like pepaw was arrested after he slapped a crying two-year-old in the middle of Wal-Mart. That slap must have put something in the air, because it has happened again.

43-year-old Gloria Ballard was put in handcuffs on Tuesday afternoon, because she took a two-year-old boy over her knee and slappity slapped his nalgas three times in the middle of a Salvation Army in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Apparently, the boy said something to Gloria that annoyed her. My guess is that he asked her why she smelled like Amy Wino’s spit cup, because Gloria has been arrested before for public intoxication and disorderly conduct. Yes, you know you’re living the life when you’re drunkenly spanking children in a Salvation Army.

In court yesterday, Gloria claimed that she never spanked the child. She said he was upset, so she was trying to comfort him by gently patting him on the back. HA! That’s kind of a good excuse. The pepaw who slapped that kid in Wal-Mart should have used that one. He wasn’t slapping that crying girl, he was just trying to comfort her by caressing her cheek. Sometimes old folks get stronger in their old age (I’m making that up). They don’t know their own strength!

If found guilty, drunk ass Gloria could face up to six-months in jail and a $1,000 fine.

And if you have a two-year-old, you better give that kid a taser and dress ’em up in armor when you take them out in public. Slapping a stranger’s child seems to be the thing.

VIA Associated Press