Mimi and her Hello Titty balls came out to support Precious at the New York Film Festival this past weekend, but one of the movie’s stars Mo’Nique was nowhere to be found. Yes, they even checked the Arby’s down the street. Bitch wasn’t there.

Precious is currently making the film festival rounds, and many critics think the movie will get several Oscar nominations including Best Picture, Best Actress for Gabby Sidibe (the girl in the purple below) and Best Supporting Actress for Mo’Nique. You’d think that since there’s talk of Mo’Nique possibly getting the golden Oscar dildo (you know that’s what Kevin Spacey uses his for) for this, she’d be out there whorin’ it up. But Mo’Nique has been missing from nearly every promotional event for Precious. Some say that by Mo’Nique not playing the game, she’s ruining her Oscar chances.

The New York Daily News says that Mo’Nique is refusing to pimp out the movie and her own performance for free. Mo’Nique is reportedly demanding a $100,000 appearance fee, even though the likes of Mimi and Lenny Kravitz (who are both in that shit) haven’t asked for a dime. A source said, “Mo’Nique said she signed on to do this film for a small amount of money. She said she didn’t care about ‘no Oscar’ – all that mattered was ‘those Benjamins!’ Because Oprah and Tyler Perry are backing the film, she feels as though there should be a budget to pay for her promotional duties.”

Mo’Nique responded to the claims by saying, “When people say, ‘You care more about money than winning an Oscar,’ well, what does an Oscar mean? An Oscar means more work when you win it, and that means more money! I couldn’t eat that Oscar. Everybody needs money, baby. That’s how we survive, right?”

Mo’Nique is selling her eating skills short! I’m sure she could eat that thing if she wrapped it in puff pastry and poured nacho cheese sauce on top! But seriously, I can’t hate on a bitch who says “it’s all about those Benjamins.” Those are the truest words ever spoken. GIT THAT MONEY!

That being said, somebody should really tell Mo’Nique about a little service called Cash4Gold! Imagine what they’d give her for an Oscar (SPOILER ALERT: Probably two rolls of quarters and a $20 gift certificate to Fingerhut)?!

Life & Style is reporting that Bethenny Frankel has been replaced by socialite Sonja Morgan on The Real Housewives of NYC, because she’s getting her own show on Bravo or some shit. Sonja will make her debut on episode 5 of the new season.

Immediately after I read that shit, I went on a Google journey to find out what this Sonja Morgan chick looks like. The above picture was one of the first things that popped up. FINALLY! The producers have found someone that is more intelligent, more gorgeous, more classy and has more poise than all of the housewives in every Housewives series COMBINED. Sonja Morgan is the epitome of a real housewife!

Okay, okay, this is the real Sonja Morgan with Ivanka Trump, some dude and a homosexual vase.

BITCH BOGUS! But at least we’ll always know who the better Sonja Morgan is.

Lady CaCa and Gay Fish’s “Fame Kills” tour has officially been be-headed and now it’s running around the backyard looking for a mic to snatch. Live Nation announced that the show will not go on and they will refund all tickets.

They didn’t give a reason, but I’m guessing that there weren’t enough dressing rooms in any of the venues to house both of their egos. Shit, this planet is barely big enough to hold both of their egos. They will both have to start renting storage space on other planets soon.

But seriously, this is probably the result of yet another Kanye West hissy fit. He probably walked in on Lady CaCa in the middle of a tuck and took a good look at her erect hermie peen. This set him off, because we all know her dick is bigger than his. Kanye immediately starving waving his fins and shouting shit like, “WHY DOES SHE HAVE A BIG DICK AND I DON’T?! WHY DIDN’T ANYONE OFFER ME A BIG DICK?! I QUIT THIS BITCH!” That’s exactly what happened.

Source: Associated Press

When Brooke Shields was 10-years-old her mother stripped off her clothes, oiled her down, slapped some make-up on her and put her in a tub to pose for photographer Garry Gross (too easy). The photo was commissioned by Brook’s mom who immediately signed the rights away. The photograph was later photographed by New York artist Richard Prince. Up until yesterday, the picture-of-the-picture (CONFUZING) been hanging in the Tate Modern in London, but after a visit from the police, Pedo Bear’s favorite cell phone wallpaper has been removed from the museum. This was the first (and I”m guessing the last) time the photo has been exhibited in Britain.

The police are currently trying to figure out if the picture breaks child porn laws over there. Children’s campaigners already piped in and said they felt the picture was a “magnet” for pedos. Hmm. That might explain why Gary Glitter temporarily moved into the Tate Modern’s bathroom last week.

Gary Gross said he was disappointed that the British police considered it child porn. Mr. Gross told the Telegraph, “It certainly doesn’t breach child pornography laws here because a judge said so. In order for it to be considered pornographic here, she would have to be doing something sensual or sexual. But she’s not. She’s just sitting in the bathtub.”

The picture may not be hanging in the Tate Modern right now, but it is hanging all over the damn internet, so pedos can continue to gawk at there. Google it if you want a visit from Chris Hansen. He likes his iced tea with just a touch of hummingbird juice.

I’m guessing they yanked the portrait from Britain, because they are bringing it to the US as a way to lure Roman Polanski here. Dude is already on a plane. That was Detective La Toya’s genius idea. Of course.

Oprah got in her solid gold jet and flew all the way to Copenhagen to declare to the Olympic committee that she’s ready to embrace the summer games! The Mighty O and Michelle Obama will appear before the International Olympic Committee tomorrow in a bid to bring the 2016 summer games to Chicago. President Obama is still trying to decide whether he’s going to make the trip. I don’t think he wants to miss tonight’s episode America’s Next Top Model.

The other cities in the running include Madrid, Rio and Tokyo.

Oprah said, “I love and believe in Chicago, and I think it would be the perfect host city for the 2016 Olympic and Paralympic Games.”

What Oprah really means is that she’ll trade in her puss holder Gayle King for the Olympics. And if they don’t do that, she’ll buy the damn Olympics herself and rename it THE OPRAHLYMPICS! I shouldn’t even joke, because that is totally possible.

You might have been wondering why your stomach is growling more than usual this morning. No, it wasn’t the bad jizz you ate last night. It was your stomach sensing that it’s about to go through some serious shit, because reportedly a Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel sex tape is about hit the internet. Yeah, you probably won’t hear from your genitals for a few days. They aren’t going to come out until it’s safe.

Zack Taylor (via ONTD) says that some source sent him a few screen shots that are supposedly of Jimmy Kimmel giving it to Sarah Silverman missionary-style (BORING!). Apparently, the 15-minute tape that was shot a few years ago is being shopped around. The source added that Sarah and Jimmy bumped tittays on tape while on vacation at some resort. When they left, they forgot to take the camera with them and a resort employee got their hands on it. That’s the story.

Based on the screen shots alone, that could be absolutely anybody or anything. It could be Guillermo, it could be Jon Grosselin, it could be Kate Gosselin’s possum head, it could be Khloe Kardashian without her weave on or it could be my Uncle Werner after getting his back waxed.

Let’s just pretend this post never happened. I mean, porn isn’t supposed to make your fuck parts sad.

UPDATE: A rep for both Jimmy and Sarah says it isn’t them in the sex tape. Wait, so maybe it is my Uncle Werner after all!