Great, now Khlozilla is going to DM Kensington Palace on Twitter with a picture of her soil jelly-filled ass bag. I mean, if he’s into wookies….

Prince Hot Ginge and that other one continued to work really, really hard for that taxpayer money today by playing with Star Wars stuff and meeting the cast at Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire.  PHG and Prince George’s papa je’e met Mark Hamill and Daisy Ridley who are currently filming Star Wars: Episode Who Cares What It’s Called It’s Still Going To Make Forty Billion Dollars No Matter What. PHG also had a sweet moment with Chewbacca, and if I was into wookie-on-human-porn (Tip of the day: Don’t Google “wookie-on-human-porn“), I’d check myself into an insane asylum, but before I did that, I’d print out this picture, grab a tub of Crisco and lock myself in my bedroom for the next 4 hours.

One thing I learned from that picture is that if I want to get a sweet hug from PHG, I need to be over 7 feet tall, covered in mangy hair, smell like wet dog ass and have bugs living on my body. I better learn how to walk in stilts, spray myself with one of Justin Bieber’s cologne and go through Brit Brit Spears’ trash cans for cast-off weaves I can tape to my body. I hear you saying, “At least you don’t have to worry about getting bugs to live on your body since I’m sure you’re already covered in crabs.” Haha, very funny. (You’re right.)

And here’s another picture of PHG and his brother having a light saber fight.

Since my brain is always set to “sucio” I would say, “I’d wish they’d take that sword fight to my mouth,” but gross. Not with Prince William holding the other “sword.” Now if it was Prince Philip, that’d be a different story.

Pics: WPA Pool, Getty @KensingtonRoyal

Charlize Theron must have been getting tired of people shooting her “Pretty successful bitch, please” faces everywhere she went, because she decided to clear up the recent comments she made to GQ where she said there weren’t a whole lot of good acting roles for gorgeous gown-wearing gazelles. Charlize talked about it with Extra at the premiere of The Hunstman: Winter’s War on Monday night, and not surprisingly, she says her words were misunderstood.

“You know, I don’t want to blame anybody, there is no blame, there was maybe just a huge misunderstanding and I’ve never really spoken in that way…The idea that I would ever say anything that made it sound like I was ungrateful for the career that I have today.

Charlize goes on to say that the whole “8-foot tall model” thing came from people asking her why she plays such “deconstructed” characters and answering that it’s because there are only so many casting calls looking for a stunning human skyscraper.

“I have always been honest that when I was a model 20 years ago, it was hard to walk in a room, I had to prove myself and in a way that today I’m so lucky that I’m in place now where I don’t have to, and I’m grateful for that, too, because it gives you character and makes you who you are and you don’t want everything to come easy.”

She ends by saying that it was “rough” seeing her comments about being pretty misread by people. But not as rough as scanning the pages of Backstage for 8-foot tall model casting calls in the mid-90s, right Charlize? Honestly, Charlize didn’t have to use so many words to explain how her words were misinterpreted. She should have saved herself 5 minutes of speaking air by pulling a Courtenay Semel. But instead of “Google me, you dumb fuck“, it would be “Look at my IMDB.” Being in Reindeer Games is all the proof anyone needs to know that Charlize hasn’t always been eyeball deep in good roles.

Pic: Splash

Mischa Barton was the second trick voted off of Dancing with the Stars last week (RIP to whatever was left her career), and so producers should’ve officially changed the name of their show to Dancing with Some Trick You Have To Google Because You Have No Idea Who They Are. Why call it Dancing with the Stars when the show’s only star is now gone. But they kept the name and have found a way to go on without Mischa.

Last night’s theme was Disney, and Nyle DiMarco, the winner of America’s Next Top Model 22 and the second deaf person to compete on DWTS, slipped on a loincloth and dropped Kylie Jenner’s invention on his head to dance the Samba as Tarzan. Every time Nyle dances, DWTS judge Bruno Tonioli seems to cream himself. So I’m guessing after last night’s Tarzan dance, Bruno had to be rushed to the hospital and hooked up to an IV drip full of fluids after he jizzed out all the liquids in his body. I don’t really blame him.

https://youtu.be/Cy05I9fvJVM

And note to the makers of The Legend of Tarzan movie starring Alexander Skarsgard: THIS is what Tarzan’s costume should’ve looked like. Well, not totally like this. They should’ve made it about 3 inches shorter and cut out ass cheek windows in the back.

Jackie Chan (62)
David “Punk” Otunga (36)
Kevin Alejandro (40)
Tiki Barber (41)
Jennifer Schwalbach Smith (45)
Bill Bellamy (51)
Russell Crowe (52)
Janis Ian (65)
John Oates (68)
Carol Douglas (68)
Francis Ford Coppola (77)

Pic: Google Plus

It feels like as soon as 2016 was born on January 1st at 12:01am, it dropped massive amounts of acid and has kept dropping massive amounts of acid, because bitch has taken us for a wild trip and the year isn’t even halfway over yet. Recently, 2016 gave us a bizarre Twitter fight about Hillary Clinton between grown person Debra Messing and fellow grown person Susan Sarandon (and Debra MESSing is still at it). Well, 2016 has once again gone over to the box marked “Random As Fuck Feuds” and randomly pulled out two names: Azealia Banks and Sarah Palin. The way that this year has been going, I fully expect to hear about a back alley knife fight between Emmanuel Lewis and Carrot Top before 2017 begins.

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This is an election year. Have you heard? There’s going to be a new elected come November and up ’til then we’re going to continue to have people yell at us and rally us and have to endure watching an orange tub of lard talk about very expensive walls. And then, finally someone new will sit in that swivel chair in the house painted white and realise what a headache it is to run a country. We’re also lucky enough to have people, well, celebrities!, to give us their supremely important opinions, thoughts and ideas on the nominees and the dog eat dog world of politics! The rising star of the Bernie Sanders campaign is without a doubt Rosario Dawson.

Not only does Rosario love Bernie, she also like really totally super loves Twitter. At a Bernie rally on Friday, via Mashable, Rosario gave her cold hard truth about Obama and his presidency:

They all organized and they thought that they had their guy, their one person. But within two months of him becoming President, people lost faith. And to his due credit – Twitter only just had its ten-year anniversary – I don’t think he really fully appreciated the organizing that was possible that could continue after getting the seat. To say that was all obstructionism is a complete fallacy because he had presented to the House. So he lost that afterwards because he didn’t continue with the momentum that got him there.

This didn’t sit well with a number of people at the rally. One lady said, “We don’t all think alike. I don’t believe that the obstructionism is a fallacy.” And another said, “I think that a lot of those people went in with high, unrealistic expectations and were the ones who thought [Obama] dropped the ball.” Of course Rosario took to twitter after the whole thing to defend what she said and you can see it here – be warned, it’s LONG. Although super dumbed down, the take away from all this is that she thinks Obama should have tweeted more. Modern world, modern president? Is that what you mean, Rosario? I think it’s more complicated than Twitter, but good for her being out there and trying to change the world or some shit. My political views can be summed up with this:

Pics: Splash, Paris Hilton