Courtney Stodden’s estranged mother has the sads over finding out about her daughter’s pregnancy in the media and said that she wishes they could experience this precious time together. I see where the Porn Iguana’s mess of a mother is coming from. I mean, if she doesn’t get to know her grandchild, how is she going to sell the poor thing off to a has-been creep-faced actor in 16 years? – Reality Tea 

Joel Edgerton is kind of giving me “hot piece version of Haley Joel Osment” in these pictures from Cannes – Lainey Gossip

Miley Cyrus is a nipple-flashing ninja – Drunken Stepfather

There’s only one solution to this: Ship all of the Kartrashians to Iran before they declare war on us! – The Superficial

You won’t ever see Cameron Diaz in a tube top – Celebitchy

Today in “Bitch, I Won’t Believe It Until I Get An Actual Invitation Even Though I Don’t Want An Invitation” news, there’s reports that claim gay “sex roulette” parties are happening in Spain – Towleroad

Selena Gomez looks like a Nickelodeon Jennifer Lopez here – Hollywood Tuna

Um, the new Ghostbusters trailer is out, and I’m not sure, but I think the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is a meth head now – IDLYITW

Katy Perry’s shoes probably cost $4,500, but my mom had a pair just like that in the 90s from Payless. Why pay more when you can Payless? – Popoholic

Alex Jones is one crazy bitch! Michelle Obama isn’t a transgender assassin who killed Joan Rivers. She’s obviously an alien who wants us to eat vegetables instead of fast food, because she’s planted tiny mind-reading chips in the earth’s supply of broccoli. Duh! I read it in the Weekly World News – Pajiba

It’s Oscar Isaac holding a pooch. This is all we need today – Jezebel

The Tetris movie is probably happening for real – Egotastic!

Hungarian reality show peen alert! – OMG Blog

Yup, Miley Cyrus is still smoking some strong shit – SOW

Oh please, like Zac Efron still doesn’t Google “Zac Efron shirtless” all day, every day – Just Jared

CoCo and Chanel are living the life – Popsugar

Pic: Wenn.com

The red carpet premiere for Kristen Stewart’s second reason for being at Cannes, Personal Shopper, happened last night. And maybe KStew’s Cannes style strategy is that she does the exact opposite of whatever Red Carpet Barbie would do, because this is what she showed up in. I’ve got to slow-clap for KStew, because this look is doing it all. The eyes are fucked, the hair is fucked, the sleeves on that dress look like they’ve been fucked all night and got up for work early. Everything is a mess.

As I joked up top, Kristen is giving me Chicken Lady from The Kids in the Hall, but her look is more than that. It’s like the Chicken Lady if she went back to high school to get her diploma, started hanging out with Jerri Blank from Strangers With Candy, who convinces her that they could both make a killing if they dropped out and got into the homemade gasoline business. Of course, it doesn’t work out, so the Chicken Lady is forced to go back to sweeping up hair at a discount salon where the only hairstyle they have to reference comes courtesy of a Tiger Beat from 2002 with NSYNC-era Justin Timberlake on the cover.

The only thing I know about Personal Shopper is that it’s about ghosts and that people booed it when it was screened for critics on Monday. According to The Hollywood Reporter, people liked it a whole lot more last night then they did at the initial screening. Sure, people still booed. But they also apparently gave it a four-and-a-half minute long standing ovation. Then again, they could have just been applauding KStew for showing up to the premiere despite the fact that it looks like she should be back at her hotel trying to kill that pink eye with a bottle of prescription eye drops.

Pics: Wenn.com

Here’s Justin Timberlake promoting that Trolls movie in Berlin. I know that JT probably spent hours flat ironing the curls out of his locks, but sadly, that stunning soft-serve troll wig beat him in the hair beauty department – Lainey Gossip 

Some source tells Star that Emily RideAJetSki does everything she can to get her name out there more. Plot twist! Star’s source is probably Emily RideAJetSki who is doing everything she needs to do to get her name out there more – Celebitchy

Bella Hadid made the cover of Elle, because I’m guessing someone more relevant and glamorous like Angelyne, Shauna Sand or Phoebe Price backed out at the last minute – Drunken Stepfather

Eddie Cibrian’s ex and LeAnn Rimes’ ex are doing a reality show together – Reality Tea 

I’m not sure if Jennifer Lawrence’s dress looks like it came from Frederick’s or a Charlotte Russe circa 1994 – The Superficial 

In case you missed the fart that gave a riveting performance on Game of Thrones….  – OMG Blog

Hot piece Nyle DiMarco did a mostly silent dance on Dancing With The Not Really Stars But They’re The Only Ones Who Agreed To Do This Show – Towleroad

Some band you may not have ever heard of faked a leaked sex tape for publicity and now some people know about them. Mission accomplished? – Jezebel

Some trick you may have forgotten exists said something to get people to remember he exists. Mission accomplished? – Pajiba

This picture of  Charlotte McKinney is very “4th of July-themed gang bang porn,” and now I want to Google to find the rest of it – Hollywood Tuna  

What in Kim Kartrashian’s leftovers HELL is Gigi Hadid wearing? – Hollywood Tuna 

Chloe Grace Moretz is definitely dating Brookly Beckham, and she also definitely went through Contempo Casuals’ archives closet to find that top – Popsugar

Why do I keep watching these videos of Dr. Pimple Popper squeezing out some cyst cheese? – Someecards 

To think, Kim Kartrashian could’ve been the new Michael Baden – IDLYITW

I didn’t know that Robert Buckley from Lipstick Jungle also turned tricks on the side? – Just Jared

Pic: Splash

In case you forgot that in a few months a human child will have to suffer through the pain of looking at the Tragic Tattoo Hall of Shame on Adam Levine’s body, he reminded everyone that he’s going to be somebody’s daddy by posting this picture on Instagram of he and his wife Behati Prinsloo getting into some belly button kissing. Behati is currently pregnant with a human, and in that picture, Adam was pregnant with In-N-Out and douche bloat. Adam added this caption.

Week 20 and I’m finally popping! #impregnanttoo

The Summer’s Eve people regularly study Adam Levine’s DNA to find ways to make their douches douchier, but I would. And when I look at that picture of him with a belly, I tell myself that, yup, I still would and then I wonder if tattooed pregnant dude porn exists. And no, I am not going to Google “tattooed pregnant dude porn.” Not today.

Pic: Instagram

A hundred years is a long time! There’s a lot you could do in that time. Like go through every page of DListed. Or sample every brand of boxed wine. That’s all I can think of, really. It’s also a big enough number that it warrants a celebration or something special. British Vogue has chosen to commemorate their old ass birthday by having Duchess Kate on their cover. How very patriotic! Well, sort of, it’s not like she’s a princess…

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Damn that sneaky bitch Conan O’Brien. Thanks to a little skit on his show, everyone who Googles “Zac Efron putting his leaky peen on a ginger’s face” is going to be really disappointed and will have to pull up their chonies and keep searching – The Superficial 

Emma Stone as Billie Jean King looks more like somebody’s mother circa 1970s going to her weekend job at Hot Dog On A Stick, but I’m still into it – Lainey Gossip

Tobey Maguire is the new Ben Affleck, so says Star Magazine – Celebitchy

What in 90s tragedy HELL is Bella Hadid wearing? – Drunken Stepfather

A warrant was issued for Kim Richards after she skipped out on a few AA meetings. But even though her rep showed up in court and pretty much confirmed that she’s been skipping out on AA meetings, the warrant was pulled. Oh, that L.A. justice system – Reality Tea 

So I guess Amanda Peet really wanted to play Lara Croft? – Pajiba

Not even Brit Brit Spears would fap to this – Towleroad

The Porn Iguana continues to prove that she’s one of the greatest performance artistes of this generation – Jezebel

“I feel like I’m an inspiration for a lot of young girls…” is a sentence that actually came out of Kylie Jenner’s obese rubber worm lips – IDLYITW

And here’s Taylor Swift wearing coochie cutters… – Popoholic

Who cares about Lemonade! Kelly Rowland has some Claritin to peddle – OMG Blog

A PUPPEH!!!! (Oh yeah, and Bella Thorne is in the picture too) – Hollywood Tuna

FYI: Jennifer Lawrence hasn’t touched a peen in a while – HuffPo

The answer is: all of them are sex toys! – The Berry  

Superhead fucked Jay-Z once – Just jared

“Damn, I said stick it in slow...” – Zac Efron in that picture – Popsugar

People are selling rain water from the day Prince died on eBay, because why not? – SOW