Lee Redmond, the bitch who can scratch your asshole from across the room, has lost her record-breaking nails in a car crash on Tuesday in Salt Lake City, Utah. No, Lee was not driving. Bitch can’t even wipe her own pussy, let alone operate a steering wheel!

Lee was thrown from the passenger seat and taken to the hospital where she was treated for serious injuries. Lee lived, but her nails did not.

According to Guinness Book of World Records, Lee hasn’t cut those things since 1979. In 2008, her nails measured a total of 28 feet long. Her longest nail, on her thumb, measured 2 feet, 11 inches.

You know this bitch was screaming for her nails after the crush. She wasn’t even thinking about her internal organs. This shit gives me the sads, for real. And just like that, Freddy Krueger lost his favorite jack-off material.

Seriously, your lifelong work gone like that! But at least bitch can finger bang herself now without worrying about puncturing a lung or some shit.

Maybe she can get back into Guinness by challenging Vivica A. Fox to a “hairline-off.” Unless Lee’s hairline jumped back into place during the car crash. That would be sad upon sad.

Source

Mo’Nique just doesn’t give a fuck! But when you have to shampoo, condition and pomade your leg hair, maybe it’s Bic time – Crunk + Disorderly

Start the “Tara Reid goes back to the tank” countdown – Celebitchy

The Oscars are dead to Peter Gabriel! – SOW

Jacko’s face is eating itself! This is some Thriller shit – Holy Moly!

I need to be Prince Hot Ginge’s head master – Associated Press

St. Angie is just jealous – I’m Not Obsessed

The alien head and the giant – ICYDK

We all need that sweater Jane Russell is wearing – Popbytes

Demi’s manchild husband takes his douchebaggery act to Berlin – Socialite Life

It’s hard to keep up with Drew Barrywhore. First, bitch was CLT+AL+Fucking on the Mac Dude, then she moved on to one of the maybe-gays of Gossip Girl, and then she was linked to Jason Segel. I might have missed a dude or twenty. Homelips has got more miles on her vag than my mom’s old 1988 Nissan Stanza.

Well, now Page Six thinks Drew is getting on Divine Brown’s ex-lover, Hugh Grant. On Monday night, Drew was at the Waverly Inn (which is like a restaurant and not an old timey hotel) in NYC when Hugh strolled in. Some witness said, “She squealed and jumped in his arms. The two then made out.”

Oh, that’s how the hippie child of the sunflowers does it. You know those type. When they greet you, their lips start aiming for yours. You either hold in your vomit and let them do it or you tell them you have mono….and the herp…..and the bird flu… and the consumption.

Drew just greets all her co-stars with the tongue! You should fucking see how she says “Hi” to E.T.! That alien bitch has to phone the free clinic after that shit.

Image: Bauer Griffin (and it’s an old pic from 2007 on the set of that shit show they did together)

Jessica Simpson Fatgate ’09 is dying off and bitches have already erased the big-tittied frog from their “relevance” file. So while she was opening up for Rascal Flatts at MSG in NYC last night, Jess decided to put drop a little ammunition in our H8R guns to get more attention.

According to UsWeekly, Jess told the audience, “I’ve had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note. That’s why I’m wearing a skort – not a skirt, not a short – just so they wouldn’t split.”

Let’s let the canned-chicken-brained bitch believe her voice has the power to split pants. The truth is that when her frog warble hits pubic hair-splitting levels, her pants take the opportunity to bust from that bitch’s ass! The dumb skank’s pants are splitting in more ways than one.

And you know how Papa Joe is spending his Friday. Bitch will be holed up in his basement with that picture above, Photoshop at his fingertips and a tub of Crisco at his side.

After hearing the news that Katherine HAGel, the wicked cunt of Grey’s Anatomy, was leaving the show, I did a “fuck yes” dance (involves no-no wiggling and taint thrusting) and haven’t really stopped. Until now. My ass can stop dropping to the floor in happiness, because Shonda Rhimes, the show’s executive producer, said that shit was all lies. The frown on my face has returned and my teeth can go back to the “grind” position.

It seemed like the real deal, because Grey’s cast member James Pickens Jr. is the one who said that shit. When asked if T.R. Knight and HAGel were going back to the gutter, he said “yes.” But Shonda has pulled out the “taken out of context” card. At last night’s NAACP Image Awards, she said, “Things happen, and … I think rumors become fact very easily. And you know I don’t like to tell you what’s going to happen on the show — but that is a rumor.”

James, who will probably be punished for this by being forced to tongue kiss HAGel during a scene, back peddled and said, “When the question was posed to me, I was more trying to congratulate Katie and T.R. on whatever they were going to do. But yeah, I don’t have any special info about it either way.” Like I said, bitch was just praying out loud. And now his false prayers have hurt us all!

And I was about to add Grey’s Anatomy to my Tivo once that HAGel stuck the broom up her culo and flew away. My Tivo wasn’t pleased, but it has dodged the bullet this time!

James probably just said that shit in the first place to fuck with HAGel. He knows the bitch thinks she’s the chunk in the jizz and wants to leave the show to become a big movie star. HA! Siiiiike, bitch.

Source: People

You see that cute little boy holding that baby? Well, that’s not his little sister he’s holding. That’s his fucking daughter. And he’s not 5 years old, he’s 13! AND the bitch sitting next to him who kind of looks like she should be eaten by Pac-Man is his baby mama! We can safely file this under: That little fucker can make sperm?!

This story out of Britain from The Sun has sparked OUTRAGE! Okay, not really outrage, but everyone that sent it to me either titled it: “WHAT THE FUCK” or “THIS IS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT.” CAPs and everything.

Anylittleboyjizzisnotthebusiness, this is 13-year-old Alfie Patten, his 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Steadman and their brand new baby girl Maisie Roxanne. Baby Maisie was made after Alfie’s first night of sexy times ever. Don’t even try to picture lil’ Alfie and old girl bumping fuck parts, unless you want to be tapped on the shoulder by PedoBear. He’ll dance a jig and give you a thumb’s up. That’s not the way to start your Friday.

When Chantelle told Alfie she was knocked up, he decided they should keep it and raise it themselves. Toddler Alfie, who is 4 feet tall, conceived Maisie when he was just 12. He admits that he doesn’t really know much about raising a baby. That makes sense since he hasn’t even hit puberty yet. Alfie said in his little boy voice, “I thought it would be good to have a baby. I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10.”

The two have moved in with Chantelle’s jobless daddy in his council house (which is like the projects, sort of). They will most likely receive government assistance to raise Maisie. Alfie’s father thinks his son is taking responsibility, “He could have shrugged his shoulders and sat at home on his Playstation. But he has been at the hospital every day.”

Alfie should be playing with building blocks, not fucking around with pussy! Bitch is too short to push a damn baby stroller! But at least he can share sippy cups with his daughter. And when Maisie gets older, she can help her father with his homework. Seriously, Chris Hansen take the wheel and let’s go save baby Maisie, because she is effed.

Between this fuckery and the Crazy Baby Lady fiasco, newborns are having the worst year EVER.

If you can take it, go to The Sun and watch the video of Alfie with his baby. This is the opposite of BENJAMIN BUTTON’S shit!