Hot Slut Of The Day!

The Pound Store Prince Hot Ginge Lolly that wants you to calmly suck it off! 

There used to be a little section on Dlisted called Shit You Find At The Dollar Store where I’d post reader-sent-in-stuff from the $1 store with the unauthorized face of a celebrity on it. Well, here’s the British reboot of Shit You Find At The Dollar Store called Shit You Find At the Pound Store. And there’s only one acceptable way to start Shit You Find At the Pound Store, and that’s with some busted off-brand Prince Hot Ginge shit.

Reader and commenter Carefree sent in this picture of what’s supposed to be PHG in lollipop form. Does that look less like PHG and more like the threesome baby of Chuck Norris, Renee Zellweger, and a pile of cut-off foreskin from white men? Yes, but I look at that thing and it’s uncut dick brows and lips, and single nutsack nose, and I say, “I would.” Carefree wrote this about the suckable PHG you can buy at the pound store.

I saw this in a super ~classy shop – also known as a £1 shop –  earlier and thought you might appreciate it. Or not but I did appreciate that they even made it orange flavo(u)red, naturally.

Pic: Carefree

Beyonce Let Blue Ivy Cut Up One Of Her Wigs With Safety Scissors

The most hardcore, dedicated, crazy members of the Beyhive had their loyalty tested hard today when their God, Beyonce, stepped out in London today looking like a bucktoothed rat chewed on her clip-on bangs. If you show me a member of the Beyhive who thinks this is the look, then I’ll show you a straitjacket that is missing their body, because they are crazy. I know Jay-Z always has a sad look on his face like he just watched Bambi’s mom get shot, but I think that Little Lord FauntleDerp wig on Beyonce’s head is making him extra sad.

Is this Beyonce’s way of trying to get the lessers to relate to her? Because she’s a multi-multi-millionaire who could buy the mane off of a rare blonde unicorn if she wanted to and that dehydrated wig looks like it cost $5.99 and was the last thing remaining at a beauty supply store going out of business sale. That wig looks like it was snatched off of the club floor by a janitor at the end of Halloween night. I don’t even think that wig is sitting on her head right. It’s slouching and making her look like a deranged Klingon Bettie Page.

I really think Blue Ivy found a dirty, crusty, used mop head somewhere, cut it up with kitchen scissors and told her mom to wear it. And I love BIC for that.

Pics: Splash

Courtney Stodden Isn’t Going Away

Look who’s putting the “ho” in ho ho ho and the “mess” in Christmas! Yes, you can all thank me later for burning this exquisite and breathtaking image into your memory banks, and I know you won’t hate me more when I point out that from the looks of Courtney Stodden‘s ass, Santa jizzes Dollar Store spray snow. I know we were all wondering, and you’re welcome.

As a special holiday gift for us all, Courtneys mom wraps up some words of wisdom in a garish hot pink box with an oversized silver bow (she can’t afford gold), and she doesn’t sound at all like a delusional mess who’s been downing Adderall and eggnog cocktails with her daughter (yes, she does). In an article on Huffington post, Courtney’s mom, who does NOT have it going on, explains to us that her daughter is a timeless beauty, a victim of gorgeousness, and that she’s HERE TO STAY. That sound you hear is not a hurricane, it’s the collective exhale from every living creature on the planet in the knowledge that we can look forward to Slutty Santa, Easy Easter Bunny, Pussy Popping Patriot and Temptress Turkey for years to come. Yaaaaay.

“Courtney is the new Anna Nicole Smith, without the drugs. Everyone wants to be like Marilyn Monroe, but with Courtney the beauty comes from within — like Pam Anderson and Farrah Fawcett.”

Me: Marilyn Monroe? Farrah Fawcett?? Jenna Jameson, MAYBE.

“It won’t be 15 minutes of fame because it’s an evergreen story. Courtney is so intriguing; she’s almost an addiction for people. Her light shines. When she walks into an event, it’s incredible, as her mom and manager, to watch the reaction from people. There are so many horrible things we read, but when people meet her in person is so rewarding.”

Me: It’s kind of hard to ignore a barely legal bitch with her bits hanging out and her toes hanging over the end of her 12-inch lucite heels.

“She’s a victim of her own beauty. We need to understand all kinds of discrimination. It’s very sad.”

There is so much wrong with that last part, and I can’t even see right now to comment because my eyes are rolling like a slot machine.

Larry, Please

As a southern US girl, I am often confronted with the “redneck” tag. Everyone thinks we all have no teeth and stand barefooted and bare-gummed in the front yard with a baby on each hip while our other 11teen children run amok underfoot. For some southerns that may be true, but let’s listen to the wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy to sort it all out.

In OH NO HE DI’INT! news, Larry has thrown down the gauntlet (ty snowpiece!!) regarding what it means to be a redneck. In a video on TMZ, he says that YES he is a redneck. But NO he is not a Honey Boo Boo kind of redneck (fade to black, then to Honey Boo Boo Chile wiping the sweat and sketti sauce from her brow). OMG Larry. Trailers will burn, and tooth will chatter.

It’s kind of funny that I have an inside look at all of this. No I am not a redneck, but I know Larry’s kind of redneck and I know Mama Junes’ kind. And sorry to shade on your parade Larry, but you are thisclose to being one in the same. Rednecks, while an adorable in some ways breed, share a common je ne sais quoi denial about their position in life. You are not a thinker. You are not savvy. You are a redneck. It’s okay, revel in the simplicity of it all as you lovingly hand wash your flannel shirt with the arms cut off. We’ll wait.

It’s kind of like your family reunion, where your always too drunk aunt accosts your always too pilled out aunt about her life decisions. Beautiful, yet train-wrecky and misguided. And the best part is you get to laugh your too drunk and too pilled out ass off at it all, because you came prepared. Yeah, like that.

True Elegance Coming Through…

Adrienne Bailon and her amateur pook-a-poon theatrics can step aside, because here’s a real divine goddess who knows how to serve HO SHIT with a heaping serving of class and elegance. No, this isn’t Carmen Carrera with an Eva Longoria face mask on. This is a mysterious and delicate flower named Micaela Schaefer. I’m only calling her mysterious, because I don’t know who the fuck she is!

Apparently, Micaela was on Germany’s Next Top Model for a quick second, but was kicked off since Heidi Klum was jealous of her beauty. Obviously. Micaela now pays her pussy waxing bill with DJ gigs and appearances at such family friendly events like the Holiday on Ice Show in Berlin. Micaela sashayed into the Holiday on Ice Show and gave the children some Holy Bible glamour by coming as the gorgeous slut version of the Garden of Eden complete with her not-so-forbidden fruits on display. I’m so glad that someone is teaching the children of Germany that you aren’t officially a style icon until you’ve chafed your pussy lips on a piece of fake snakeskin. I am just like that lady in the background. I can close my eyes forever now that I’ve seen it all.

Kirk Cameron’s Office Birthday Party Was A Lot Of Fun

Do not let anybody tell you that a KFC family pack cake, 3 Subway $5 foot-longs, a half a bottle of orange juice, mayo packets, a trash can full of broken down cardboard boxes, Tracey Gold as The Grudge girl and a dining set from Ashley Furniture DOES NOT a party make. If they don’t believe your ass just show them this picture of Kirk Cameron blowing to his 41 years on earth at an office birthday party whose budget was twice that than his movie Left Behind.

So what if those two ladies look like the happiness has been sucked from their beings and they would rather be 69ing a urinal or trapped in file cabinet field under fluorescent lighting. This is Kirk’s big day and he’s partying so hard that he’s throwing up a dick. Or maybe he’s sucking up an upside down dick. I know you see it. If you don’t, then the power of Christ compels you to see it!

Source: Buzzfeed via The Hairpin