Fantasia (25)
Allegra Versace (23)
Michael Phelps (24)
Cheryl Cole (26)
Patrick Wolf (26)
Lizzy Caplan (27)
Monica Potter (38)
Mike Tyson (43)
Bobby Vitale (44)
Vincent D’Onofrio (50)
David Alan Grier (54)
Lena Horne (92)

If you answered “yes,” then I hope you like a pair of luscious Hello Titties in your mouth, because this isn’t some dude who will hit it from the back with his Timbs on. This is really the butterfly stalker herself….MIMI!!!

Mimi is dragging it up as an Eminem-type for her new video Obsessed. You know, because Eminem is obsessed with Mimi. Or maybe she’s obsessed with him. Or both. I don’t know. I just hope this shit also includes a scene featuring Hello Kitty singing the chorus to her, because that’s real 100% organic obsession right there!

And I really feel uncomfortable that my no-no is hitting a 5th octave over this picture of Mimi as Miminem. It’s every flavor of NOT RIGHT. My slutiness knows no bounds!

Here’s some pictures of Mimi as Mimi looking like a freshly glazed turducken while shooting her video outside of The Plaza hotel in NYC today.

Since Nicolette Sheridan is no longer whoring up Desperate Housewives, they are in dire need of a resident slut, so they decided to cast Drea de Matteo (that’s Adriana La Cerva to most of you hos) as a ho-ey matriarch of a new Italian family. EW’s Michael Ausiello says that Drea will stick around all next season and they are currently trying to find a piece to play her husband.

While I enjoyed Drea’s work in Prey For Rock & Roll and Joey (served on a bed of scalding hot sarcasm), she is not worthy of filling Edie’s vibrator. Or should I say she’s not worthy of being filled by Edie’s vibrator.

You know what shit show Drea would be perfect on? The Real Housewives of New Jersey! Fuck that Wisteria Lane bullshit. Danielle needs a partner in fuckery and Drea is just the one! Together they can destroy Grandma Wrinkle’s twin and her sister Don Vito Caroline.

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: I don’t know, but please tell me her real last name is Fux. I want to marry her just so I can change my name to Michael Fux. Doesn’t it sound like that’s the way it was meant to be?

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 23, 2009
Claim to Fame: I just became aware of this refined beauty, but from what I know she’s a model/actress/mess/toxic zone in Israel. Orit also claims to have the biggest plastic tittays domes in Israel.

Where is she now? Probably breastfeeding a baby giraffe, because they are like her children. Click here to see a video of Orit showing her maternal-side with some giraffes. It’s a good thing her chichis look like unripe watermelons or they would’ve bit at them.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because Orit is the Shauna Sand and Jodie Marsh of Israel! Take a trip down elegance lane and gaze at some of Orit’s beautiful pictures. Orit is not copying Pamela Anderson, Pamela is copying her. That’s just fact.

At a press conference with Al Sharpton today, Joe Jackson once again used the time to promote his stupid ass record company. Joe needs to stop, because he said that someone asked him about it last night. JOE, QUIT IT! Let the record show that CNN did not ask him about that foolery! And you know nobody else did. Maybe Joe needs to get his ears looked at, because I think he heard wrong. Somebody probably asked him, “Why do your eyebrows look like grape jelly?” and he heard, “Tell me about your dumb record company.” Joe has Dyslexia of the ears.

Joe Jackson’s Hour of Whoring The press conference wasn’t a total wash, Joe did spew this LOLquote:

“He was loved in every country in the United States.”

Clip below:

That puppy’s eyes are broadcasting to anyone who will listen: “This hag is either going to eat me or trade me in for a speedball. Save. Me.” And that puppeh has every reason to be afraid. I mean, what crack house toilet did Mischa Barton crawl out of? I’m all for the 4-day-old eye make-up look, but Mischa is not wearing it well. The world already has one Courtney Love.

Here’s the girl from The Sixth Sense terrorizing puppies at the opening of Harrods’ summer sale in London yesterday.