Part Pizazz, the pretty useless, but really hot, beauty tool from the 90s that’s somehow still around today!

Part Pizazz was and is a plastic stencil comb thing that you can use to take your middle part from Blake Lively (boring and basic) to Robin Lively (exciting, unique and beyond glamorous). Everyone in the 90s walked around with flatline center parts, so the makers of Hairagami decided to bring everyone’s middle parts alive with Part Pizazz. With Part Pizazz, you can magically transform your straight, bland middle part into all sorts of shapes like zig-zag, slithering snake, wavy, broken, etc… You can try to make your center part as broken and zig-a-zig-zaggy as your nerves get when you break that piece of plastic crap in your hair.

The best part of Part Pizazz was the infomercial that hypnotized me in the 90s. How is it possible that a little plastic tool can almost instantly turn you into the visual definition of a Hollywood star?! Magic lives in that pop-out glamour guide.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKqDde0opbY

Those latte talons at the 0:30 mark really deserve HSOTD runner-up.

And I wonder if you could use the Part Pizazz to jazz up your pubes area. I’d have to flat iron them first. Somebody is making a visit to Sally’s Beauty supply this weekend. (SPOILER ALERT: That somebody is me.)

Jon Hamm (45)
Emily Osment (24)
Emeli Sandé (29)
Olivia Wilde (32)
Carrie Underwood (33)
Danny Pudi (37)
Shannon Miller (39)
Robin Thicke (39)
Bree Turner (39)
Haifa Wehbe (40)
Cristian de la Fuente (42)
Dr. Jennifer Arnold of The Little Couple (43)
Eva Herzigova (43)
Timbaland (44)
Haifa Wehbe (44)
Paget Brewester (47)
Edie Brickell (50)
Prince Edward (52)
Neneh Cherry (52)
Rick Rubin (53)
Jasmine Guy (54)
Lance Burton (56)
Sharon Stone (58)
Shannon Tweed (59)
Paul Haggis (63)
Barbara Corcoran (67)
Chuck Norris (76)

Pic: Vanity Fair

Selena Gomez got stuck in an elevator in Paris and she tweeted video of her harrowing ordeal, because it didn’t happen unless you tweet it. Selena looks so calm in the video, but I guess getting stuck in an elevator is nothing when you’ve survived a relationship with Justin Bieber. I mean, imagine if you were alone with the Biebs when he ran out of Sizzurp and threw a tantrum and you couldn’t find his favorite Binky anywhere? Now that shit is truly terrifying and stressful – Lainey Gossip 

Gigi Hadid is speaking my language – Drunken Stepfather

Chrissy Teigen is on the cover of Self Magazine. At least they tell me that’s Chrissy Teigen – Celebitchy

A commercial starring Michael Phelps made Michael Phelps cry – Towleroad

Does Jacqueline Laurita’s face move? – Reality Tea 

Lin-Manuel Miranda says that he once winked at Kanye West during a performance of Hamilton because Kanye was in his “blast zone.” Well, if Lin-Manuel’s fingers are fat and long enough, I’m sure Kanye would gladly invite them into his “blast zone” – The Superficial 

“Hello, welcome to the Acid Trip Geisha Bar and Lounge. My name is Dakota and I’ll be your cocktail server tonight.” – Popoholic

You already knew this, but Ted Cruz’s homegirl Caitlyn Jenner will probably never vote for Hillary Clinton – Boy Culture

You already knew this too, but Erin Andrews isn’t going to get anywhere near the $55 million a jury awarded her – Jezebel

What in the hell kind of GD outfit is Karlie Kloss wearing? – Hollywood Tuna 

Sacha Baron Cohen bounced out of the Freddie Mercury biopic, because Queen wanted it to be about Queen – OMG Blog

WHY IS SHE WASTING ALL OF THAT DELICIOUS IN-N-OUT?!!! – IDLYITW

Tina Fey did herself a favor and didn’t watch Sarah Palin’s 30 Rock parody – HuffPo

I’m sad that Stephanie Tanner didn’t say “How rude!” to mega feminist Miley Cyrus trying to shame her on Instagram – Starcasm

Zac Efron is still shirtless and still making constipated faces – Popsugar

Kanye West farted up at the mouth about fashion again and after reading his tweets I really want to buy a hundred suits jackets – Just Jared

Sharon Osbourne needs a Photoshop team that won’t warp her belly button – SOW

Two things:

1. Whenever I’m struggling to get through anything, I’m going to think of the lady making a “fuck my life” in that picture. If she can get through Hilaria Baldwin practically Sleeping Yogi-ing a queef into her face, I can get through almost anything.

2. I bet that’s the pose Hilaria was in when she and Alec Baldwin conceived their third kid. Hilaria did that pose while Alec jacked off above her with one hand and punched a paparazzo he paid with the other. It’s the only way he can get off.

The Queen of the Downward Look At Me Pose announced on Instagram today that a tiny yogi fetus is doing the child’s pose in her womb. 32-year-old Hilaria said that in a few months, 57-year-old Alec will once again get to cradle a little bundle of adorable while saying, “Aww, you little, rude, thoughtless pig, you.”

Ireland, Carmen, Rafael, Alec, and I are excited to share with you that we are going to have another addition to our family. A little boy coming this fall #366daysoflivingclearly #HilariaLCM

Ireland is, of course, Alec’s 20-year-old daughter with Kim Basinger. Rafael is Alec and Hilaria’s 8-month-old son and Carmen is their 2 1/2-year-old daughter. I know, three babies in three years. Either she’s really fertile from busting out yoga poses in all sorts of places for Instagram likes. Or he’s really fertile from choking out paps. Or both!

And this winter, I better see an Instagram picture of Hilaria standing on her head while holding one kid with her right hand and another kid with her left hand as her newborn son naps on top of her flexed foot. If I don’t see that, I will really question her skills. Here’s Hilarious and Alec at the NYC premiere of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot last week.

Pics: Wenn.com, Hilaria’s Instagram House of Yoga Fuckery

Some oldies, like current HSOTM Queen Flossie Dickey, would rather spend their entire day nappin’ and boozin’. (Side note: “Nappin’ and boozin’” is officially my job description.) But this little old lady’s idea of a good time is making the streets a happier place by sharing her moves with the public.

The world is cruel, ugly and shitty, but sometimes happy things happen. Tastefully Offensive posted this clip, taken on the streets of Brighton in England, of a lady in a pink coat parking her granny cart to smack it up, flip it, rub it down with a street performer in a hot, gold jumpsuit. The Internet has made many of us cynical bitches with permanent side-eyes (which is why I have to type and sit sideways), so as you watch this clip, you may wonder if the seasoned dancing machine is really a little person in an old lady costume and this is a shameless viral marketing stunt for Burger King. But I’ll stop being cynical for one second and believe. This is what it looks like when you watch a dancing scene from a Charlie Brown episode while on acid, and it’s glorious:

Well, it was glorious until the 1:22 mark when somebody’s dad had to jump and try to take the spotlight. Have a seat, dad, this moment belongs to ole’ girl (and that goldpeener. I couldn’t go through this whole post without shouting out that gold peen.)

YT via Ezda Beevers

Last month, a bankruptcy judge hissed “Not cool” at supposedly bankrupt 50 Cent for turning his house into a money-themed Sears portrait studio. 50 posted a ton of pictures on Instagram of him posing with piles of cash. That’s apparently a major no-no when you’ve sworn up and down in a court of law that you don’t have any money. But according to the Ansel Adams of broke bitches, he still doesn’t have money, because none of that money is real.

The Wrap says that 50 Cent filed court papers yesterday telling his bankruptcy judge not to worry about all those “LOL look how poor I am” selfies, because none of the money is real. 50 Cent claims that all of the money, like the $100 bills he used to spell out the word BROKE, is just prop cash from G-Unit music videos and photo shoots. As for why a grown man would take pictures with piles of pretend money, 50 Cent claims he has to shamelessly brag about money on Instagram because it’s important to his brand.

“Hip-hop culture is widely recognized as aspirational in nature. The standard by which artists and fans engage is commonly tied to money, jewelry, products and advertising over social media. Products and brands are now marketed through social media as an effective way to engage with consumers. Just because I am sensitive to the needs of maintaining my brand does not mean that I am hiding assets or that I have lied on my filings in this Bankruptcy Case, neither of which is true.”

So basically, 50 Cent is being both totally transparent and straight-up lying about his financial situation. Got it. That should go over well in court today.

I’m not saying that 50 Cent is a dumbass, but…50 Cent is a dumbass. There’s no way all of that money is fake. Most of it looks pretty damn real. If 50 Cent really wanted the judge to believe he was faking being rich in a desperate attempt to maintain his status in the hip-hop community, he should have leased a Ferrari for Kylie Jenner.

Pic: 50 Cent