“Schwinn!” is the noise his lower eyelids make when they’re torn apart – tim

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…and that’s how Steve Buscemi was made. – tim

Pic: Tosh.0

The Real Doll that got to live like a queen in Indonesia for a little while! 

Indonesia is mostly Muslim and Metro UK says that they consider solar eclipses a spiritual event. After there was a partial lunar eclipse on March 12, a fisherman from a small village on Banggai island  found a fuck doll floating in the ocean and thought she was an angel who fell from the sky during the solar eclipse. The local media reports that he took the fallen angel back to his house, where his family dressed her up in a new ensemble and hijab every single day and sat her in a chair like the queen she is.

This kind of reminds me of when people see Jesus on toast or bananas. But did important Hot Slut from 2009 Banana Jesus get dressed up in clothes and worshipped on a throne? I think not. Angel Real Doll is showing him up. Here she is clearly making a look that says, “Shush, nobody tell them that I’m soooo not a virgin.”

When the news got around that the fisherman’s family had a holy angel living in their house, the police got involved and “investigated.” It didn’t take them too long to figure out that the angel was actually a sex doll and they took her away from the fisherman to “avoid any potential controversy.” Uh huh, I’m sure the officer who took her in is going to use a couple of his vacation days and lube sales on Banggai island are going to jump up by 1000%.

‘So it was checked by one of our team. It was a sex toy,’ the area’s police chief Heru Pramukarno said.

He said police took the doll away to avoid any potential controversy.

If that fuck doll could feel emotions and had a brain, she’d probably be pissed at the cops. She had it made. And if all-plastic blossom Courtney Stodden ever wants to be worshipped like a true holy queen, she should just float naked in the ocean off of Banggai island.

Pics: Detik News

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In case you haven’t already made a GIF out of this moment and have used it to lull into a wet dream sleep for the past few nights, here’s the video of John Barrowman’s husband delivering a surprise dick appearance in a live stream last week. The Internet runs on dick, so bless John Barrowman’s husband for keeping the machine running.

HuffPo says that John Barrowman was doing a live stream from his house in Palm Springs, CA last weekend about the wind on Facebook Live, when his husband Scott Gill and his husband’s Tarzan vine of a peen swung into the frame.

John Barrowman should stick to the whole actor thing and not even think about getting into the weatherman game, because it’s not his thing. I mean, in his weather report, he talks about the crosswinds blowing one way, but judging by his man’s peen, the winds were blowing every which way. Here’s the NSFW-esque video of John Barrowman proving he’s living the life, because what else do you need other than a hot tub and big dick?

That day, John laughed about it in a FB video. I don’t think Scott’s peen was too embarrassed about it, because lord, it looks like it’s waving at the camera like, “Hey, girl!”

If that video comes down, Metro UK has it.

(Thanks to everybody who dropped this into my inbox)

A hundred years is a long time! There’s a lot you could do in that time. Like go through every page of DListed. Or sample every brand of boxed wine. That’s all I can think of, really. It’s also a big enough number that it warrants a celebration or something special. British Vogue has chosen to commemorate their old ass birthday by having Duchess Kate on their cover. How very patriotic! Well, sort of, it’s not like she’s a princess…

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Last night was the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. President Obama actually made the room, and me, laugh. Larry Wilmore didn’t. Donald Trump was a no show. And there were tons, TONS, of celebrities (and celebrity-adjacents) there. Celebrities love nothing more than being invited to fancy political things because, I imagine, they feel it makes them legitimate. “Well! Mr President Barack Obama thought I was worth his time,” I see some TV actress saying when doors get shut in her face at auditions for shows at about teens played by people in their late-30s. So let’s get down to who was there and what they wore.

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