Never mind the Blair Waldorf look-alike on the left (who is finally letting out a stuck fart) and the sneaky Bjork look-alike on the right (who just emptied a box of Lemonheads into her mouth). The real star of that picture is Brit Brit Spears who brought about as much excitement to the Billboard Music Awards as an over-steamed green bean brings to your mouth.

Brit Brit got the Millennium Award (whatever that is) at the BM Awards tonight and she opened up the show with a medley of her songs. My drunk, middle-aged uncle who doesn’t know any Brit Brit Spears songs by heart would’ve done a better job of lip-synching than she did, but who cares?! It’s Brit Brit!

Who cares if a book in any Kartrashian’s house gets more use than that mic Brit is wearing does? Who cares if Brit Brit has the energy of a Roomba that has about 2% of power in it? Who cares if she looks like she would rather be eating giant spoonfuls of grits NOT made with Velveeta? Who cares about any of that! It’s Brit Brit and she still moved her mouth a couple of times and gave us a violent weave tornado by whipping her head around.

It’s wrong of me to accuse Brit Brit of lip-synching. It’s obvious that she’s singing live and her  vocals just so happen to sound exactly like the original studio recordings of her songs (with auto-tune). Queen of Live Singing!

And here’s Brit Brit wearing Frederick’s of Hollywood’s version of Storm from X-Men’s costume while posing like a nervous 6-year-old on picture day.

Pics: Splash, Getty

Cannes is FINALLY over! Dear lord, that felt like a fucking lifetime. Between Blake Lively parading around in discount fabrics and Kristen Stewart pushing what felt like fourteen movies, I thought it would never end. Thankfully, between the twits and the twats we get injections of true artistry. Our eyes are treated to the elegance that is Elena Lenina and her subtly sexual hair thanks to Cannes, so suffering some KStew seems like a fair price to pay. And now, we have Larisa Katz.

Larisa, like Elena, is Russian, so we now know where all the glamour lives. She’s a designer and loves to bring FASHUN and fuckery-fueled fashion to events. At last night’s, premiere of The Salesman, Larisa was gracious enough to close out Cannes in this truly stunning, hand-crafted (as in Michaels crafts and glue guns) golden ram look. I say gracious because she clearly wanted to give us all something to remember other than the weak looks the Blakes and the Kristens chose to bore and offend us with. Larisa showed us that all you need to create a look straight out of a community theater production of The Wiz is to string together a bunch of flattened bundt cake pans with wires. And for that, I thank you, Larisa Katz.

And for those of you who may care, here’s a list of this Cannes year’s winners. Spoiler alert! Kristen Stewart did not win for her next-level blinking in Personal Shopper.

Pics: Splash, Getty

The Khloe to Toni Braxton‘s Kim, Tamar Braxton, has left The Chew. No. The View. No. That one with Julie Chen. No. The Real! The Real! She has left The Real. Jesus. How many of these kinds of shows are there? Variety tells us that The Real will be Muppet-less next season and both sides decided that it’s best they break up with each other. A rep for the show released this statement:

 ‘The Real’ and Tamar Braxton have mutually decided that Tamar will not be continuing with the show for its upcoming third season. She will be leaving in order to concentrate on her solo career. Everyone associated with ‘The Real’ appreciates Tamar’s efforts and the contributions she has made to the show’s success, and we wish her all the best for the future.

But! There’s more! Of course this shit isn’t so cut and dry. Continue reading

We all know how much the president of the Pussy Posse (or The Wolf Pack, or whatever the hell they’re calling themselves these days), Leonardo DiCaprio, loves the environment. He loves it so much that he talked about it during his Oscar speech. Which is surprising knowing how bad he’s wanted one. I thought he’d go up there and jump and yell and say “I GOT IT! I FINALLY GOT IT! FUCK YOU ALL!” Well, he might love saving the environment more than he loves brand new blonde skinny model vagina, but some have labeled his ass a hypocrite.

UsWeekly tells us that Leo was given an award honoring his environmental work on Wednesday at the Riverkeeper Fisherman’s Ball in NYC. Ralph Lauren was also honored. I have no idea what the fuck the Riverkeeper Fisherman’s Ball is but it sounds like something out of the goddamned Lord of the Rings shire hobbit whatever. Did Leo and Ralph have to bow to each other and then dance the May Dance around the maypole before the Festival Fairy Queen gave them each a kiss, thus making them men forever, never to have to live in the river as frogs again?

Irish fairytale ceremony aside, Riverkeeper is a charity for rivers and keeping them clean. Leo is getting flack because he took a private jet to receive the award. And then took another private flight the next day to make it to the amFAR gala in Cannes. People aren’t even bothering with side eyes, they’re just looking directly at him and saying “this bitch.” Were I Alanis Morissette I’d say this situation was ironic. Sadly, I’m not, but I still will. Nothing screams environmental hero like taking two private flights in two days. Leo has a history with luxury machinery. During the last World Cup he rented the world fifth largest yacht to chill and crush muff on.

His rep, when reached for comment, said:

He was asked to speak at both Riverkeeper and amfAR events, but the only way to attend the two fundraisers was to hitch a ride with flights that were already planned. Leo helped both events raise millions, donated his own funds, auctioned off his house and had speaking roles in both programs.

See, Leo haters, he hitched a ride, so he basically plane-pooled. And yes, he probably plane-pooled just so they could use the private jet carpool lane in the sky, but he still cares and is still a Savior to the Environment!

Pic: Wenn

The romance of our time has finally been made official! I know all of you, like me, have been waiting for this moment for what feels like a lifetime. The celebrated star of Over Her Dead Body, Eva Longoria, has married the president of Televisa, Jose “Pepe” Antonio Baston. How it isn’t a national holiday, I’m not really sure, Eva is a national treasure. Sorry. I meant she’s like the National Treasure movies – pops up once every couple of years, is cheesy as all hell, but is nonetheless enjoyable.

Eva and Pepe have been together for close to three years and in December he proposed. She threw up a totally not staged, totally spur of the moment, totally spontaneous photo of her and him kissing on her Instagram back then.  People is reporting that the two of them finally stopped living in sin and made it official down in Mexico. Despite this being her third marriage, the bride wore white. Her dress was designed by her good friend, Victoria “Posh” Beckham, who, obviously, showed up with David Beckham.

“I’ve been waiting for a day like this my whole life,” is what Eva said to Hola! USA but I’m confused because this is the third day like this she’s had. Is there some kind of 50 First Dates thing going on with her mind? When she dumps a piece does she forget the whole time they spent together? I’m worried. Something is going on here… Anyway, not my problem! Guests included Ricky Martin, Melanie Griffith and Mario Lopez. But the real icing on the cake is that Eva’s Desperate Housewives co-star Vanessa Williams made a surprise appearance when she came out to sing her song “Save the Best for Last“. I’m going to assume that’s Vanessa’s sly way of saying “hopefully, third time’s a fucking charm” to Eva.

Pic: Hola!

The shoplifting seagull!

All the way back in 2007, the city of Aberdeen in Scotland was hit with a giant crime wave when a seagull the people named Sam terrorized bags of Doritos at the same store. Sam was a sort of Robin Hood, because after he’d snatch the Doritos when the storekeeper wasn’t looking, he’d take that shit outside, rip it open and share the deliciousness with all of his seagull friends. Sam, being the brilliant thief that he was, managed to never ever get caught and got out of the game.

Well, either the hunger for crime (and chips) has pulled him back into the art of thievery in his old age, or one of his protégées is keeping his chip-stealing legacy alive. A video surfaced on YouTube of a seagull in an unknown beach town casually strolling into a cafe and violently attacking a bag of chips before casually strolling back out with it. One innocent bystander was so frozen with fear that he could barely move. Or he was so in awe of the seagull’s ability to not give one fuck that he couldn’t move. Either or. Watch this Thomas Crown-in-training:

As of posting time, this seagull is still on the loose and hasn’t been caught. I would tell the owners of beachside cafes everywhere to hide yo chips, but why bother? This masterful chips snatcher would get them anyway.

via Mashable (For Ramon)