Night Crumbs
Brit Brit Spears is on the cover of October’s Marie Claire, and if they were trying to make her look like she’s posing for her employee photo ID on her first day on the job as a hotel bellhop, they nailed it! – Lainey Gossip
Sad news, you’ll have to wait until December to maybe-see Abby Lee Miller cry, scream and try to punch out the bailiffs as they drag her to prison – Reality Tea
You probably already heard about this in the quad during lunch, but Chloe Grace Moretz and her fetus boyfriend Brooklyn Beckham broke up – Celebitchy
In the 90s, my mom used to buy these dresses from Clothestime that came with a belt. After seeing these pictures of Kat Graham, I made a note to tell my mom that those belts are back! – The Nip Slip
Kate Moss dancing in this perfume commercial is what you think you look like at the club after vaping in the bathroom – Drunken Stepfather
Taylor Swift donated money to the hospital where Jaime King’s son had heart surgery – The Superficial
This list is nothing without the Queen of the National Anthem Roseanne! – Egotastic!
I think I just overdosed on twee from looking at Emma Stone’s dress – Popoholic
Madge endorses Hillary Clinton for President of the United States and endorses Donald Trump’s sons for Presidents of The Big Pussy League – Towleroad
Subway Jared must really want his own suite in the Ninth Circle of HELL – Jezebel
Melania Trump came through on her promise to sue The Daily Mail – Just Jared
Devious Maids got canceled. This is sad news for the two of us who watched, because we won’t find out what happened to Marisol and won’t get to see Susan Lucci’s gorgeous face every week – SOW
The “Barb” in The Tonight Show’s Stranger Things parody is more like Dorothy Michaels on crack – OMG Blog
Open Post: Hosted By Michael Assbender And Alicia Vikander
Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander are at the Venice Film Festival promoting their Oscar bait of a movie, The Light Between Oceans, and I am 100% sure that 10/10 reporters on that red carpet said to him, “Hey, Michael, I’d let you put your light between my oceans.” That doesn’t really make sense, but when interviewing Michael Fassbender, you should always turn the title of the movie he’s pimping into a pick-up line.
If I was doing Michael Fassbender full-time, I’d probably wear a t-shirt that says, “I Am Doing Michael Fassbender Full-Time,” but they’re one of those ~private couples~ who don’t really talk about their relationship. But while talking to Good Morning America (via UsWeekly) about making The Light Between Oceans, Michael admitted that they started dating while making the movie in 2014:
“Yeah, we met on that job and have been seeing each other since. She’s such a fierce performer. She’s so brave. She’s not afraid to bring ugly personality traits to the forefront in characters. So I was really impressed by her immediately.”
The Light Between Oceans doesn’t come out until tomorrow, so I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m assuming that Alicia’s character limps in some scenes. Alicia’s character explains her limp by saying that she got it in an accident years ago, but we all know that she got that limp from regularly getting on Michael Fassbender’s crotch boa.
And here’s Assbender in a suit and Alicia Vikander dressed like a disco Maria von Trapp at the Venice Film Festival premiere of their movie tonight.
Pics: Wenn.com
Where Were You When You Found Out That Bob Ross’ Afro Wasn’t All-Natural?
Bob Ross’ wondrous Bichon Frise afro was full of magic, artistry and joy, but it was also full of hurtful secrets! The happy little trees are sad little trees today, because the world now knows that Bob Ross’ beautiful fro of perfection was nothing but a lie!
Pamela Anderson Is Really Against Watching Porn Now
All together now: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
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2016 is not only showing us that it’s the worst year ever, it’s also showing us that it’s the year of redefining ridiculousness. Case in point: Canadian-American sex blossom Pamela Anderson has joined forces with “celebrity rabbi” Schmuley Boteach to write an op-ed piece for The Wall Street Journal about how watching porn is destroying lives! The only thing that porn is responsible for destroying in my life is a keyboard or two, but okay.
I know, Pamela Anderson shaming tricks for watching porn. What’s next? One of the Kartrashians is going to “write” an anti-ass implant op-ed piece for their pay site? John Travolta is going to do a PSA about the dangers of wearing wigs? We can all close our eyes until 2017 because we have seen it all (but I’ll open mine here and there to watch porn).
Jennifer Lopez Is Having A Hard Time Getting Rid Of Casper Smart
One may think that when a very busy lady like Jennifer Lopez wants to get rid of a man in her life, she simply gives them a goodbye gift bag that includes a signed picture (“Thanks for the memories! XO JLo“), an unopened bottle of Glow, and $500 cash in an envelope taped to an On the 6 CD. Apparently it’s not that easy. Or at least it’s not that easy with Casper Smart.
Drake Finally Got That On-Stage Kiss He Was Looking For
Before Sunday night, the most awkward rejection the world had ever seen on television was when Lisa Simpson rejected Ralph Wiggum during Krusty the Clown’s 29th Anniversary Special. Then the MTV VMAs happened, and Ralph breathed a sigh of relief, for his rejection was no longer the most awkward thing people had seen.
While presenting Rihanna with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award, Drake leaned in for a kiss on the mouth and was met by RiRi’s neck. But it didn’t seem to make things that awkward between them. Rihanna and Drake were seen after the show partying together and going out for dinner the following night. And last night, Rihanna finally made the Sensitive Prince of The 6’s dreams come.