Afternoon Crumbs
Let us all give thanks to the Baby Jesus for being born, because if he wasn’t, we’d never have this clip of Mimi wearing a stunning stripper gown while bringing some ho ho ho shit around Santa, her boy toy piece and children, including her own, dressed as elves – Lainey Gossip
That LOVE Advent shit gave a little something to body odor fetishists who also have a thing for Karlie Kloss – Hollywood Tuna
Charlotte McKinney did some kind of photo shoot that looks more like the pictures in a profile on a high-priced escort website – Drunken Stepfather
Andre Leon Talley isn’t a citizen of Trumpland, okay? – Celebitchy
I swear, my sister wore this almost-exact outfit on the first day of the sixth grade and yes, she wore it better – Popoholic
It was very gracious of Baddie Winkle to let Fergie Ferg be in and sing in HER video – OMG Blog
Something that made me punch myself in the eyeballs: mistaking Backdoor Farrah for England’s finest rose Jodie Marsh – IDLYITW
I’m sure Teresa Giudice will be spending a part of her Christmas dribbling out an excuse to the cops when they come to her house after finding out that she stole toys from a Toys For Tots donation box to give to her kids – Reality Tea
The Madison Square Garden Company is now saying that they’re not going to force any Rockette to perform at the presidential inauguration – Just Jared
If you’ve wondered what Khloe Kartrashian sounds like when she serenades the guests at her mom’s Kristmas party, here you go – SOW
Miles Teller’s bright blue Bronco flipped over during an accident with an Uber drive. Miles didn’t get whiplash (sorry) or any other kind of injury and was well enough to curse out and try to attack the at-fault Uber driver – Jezebel
Pic: YouTube
Open Post: Hosted By Toilet Santa
The most shocking thing about this fake infomercial from Conan isn’t that it isn’t for a real product that you can buy on SkyMall or at Spencer’s. Oh, America, you’ve disappointed me so.
If you’re a parent who dreads taking your kid to meet Santa Claus at the mall because it’s an all-around shitty experience, then the writers at Conan sharted up this fake product just for you. If the Toilet Santa actually existed in real-life, going to meet Santa would still be a shitty experience, but in a totally different way. The Toilet Santa is the perfectly fucked-up decoration for many types of people!
It’s perfect for the Christmas-decorating freak who just has to make their house look like Christmas barfed up all over it (you know who you are and yes, I’m talking to my auntie who even decorates her refrigerator and dishwasher for Christmas). It’s also perfect for someone who suffers from constipation, because seeing that creepy Toilet Santa will scare the shit out of you. And as Conan’s fake infomercial shows, it’s also perfect for sick fucks whose fantasy is to have a scat threesome with their spouse and Santa.
Conan also made a fake Mrs. Claus for your bidet, which is fitting. Mrs. Claus has to work with those shady elves, so she’s probably used to dealing with shitty assholes.
And the sight of Santa getting ready to Ray-J on Santa is just what I needed to start my Christmas weekend.
Vin Diesel Really Knows How To Charm A Woman
Vin Diesel recently did an interview with a Brazilian YouTuber named Carol Moreira to promote his latest 2-hour grunt fest, xXx: The Return of Xander Cage. Vin Diesel looks kind of like an anthropomorphic penis, which is entirely fitting, since he acted like a throbbing erection through most of the interview. Unfortunately, Vin was too boner blinded to realize that Carol the YouTuber wasn’t having it.
The Rockettes Will Have To Kick And Smile At The Inauguration Or Lose Their Jobs
The inauguration of the United States’ future overlord Donald Trump is less than a month away and up until a couple of days ago, the only confirmed act to perform was America’s Got Talent runner-up Jackie Evancho who will sing the national anthem. Jackie’s sister is transgender, so maybe at the end of the national anthem she’ll sing, “Aaaaaaaand fuuuuuuck youuuuu Mike Peeeeeeence.” Probably.
Andrea Bocelli was confirmed to sing and then later it was confirmed that he would not sing. Elton John, Celine Dion, KISS and Garth Brooks all reportedly turned down offers. So it was looking like the inauguration talent line-up would only include Jackie Evancho, The Cries Of The People Choir, the squishy sound of Trump fapping over getting the nuclear codes and Ted Nugent (backed by Scott Baio on tambourine). But then yesterday it was announced that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the Rockettes will join the illustrious A-list lineup at the inauguration. Some Rockettes aren’t happy about that, but were told in so many words that if they don’t kick for Trump, they can kick their way to the back of the unemployment line.
Avril Lavigne Wants Mark Zuckerberg To Leave Nickelback Alone!!!!
Avril Lavigne may have moved on from one busted-haired musician that won’t go away to another. But that doesn’t mean she won’t stand up and defend Nickelback’s honor when someone takes a dump on them. I know, “honor” was a weird choice of word to describe what Nickelback has.
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For December 22nd!
