Open Post: Hosted By Toilet Santa

December 23, 2016 / Posted by:

The most shocking thing about this fake infomercial from Conan isn’t that it isn’t for a real product that you can buy on SkyMall or at Spencer’s. Oh, America, you’ve disappointed me so.

If you’re a parent who dreads taking your kid to meet Santa Claus at the mall because it’s an all-around shitty experience, then the writers at Conan sharted up this fake product just for you. If the Toilet Santa actually existed in real-life, going to meet Santa would still be a shitty experience, but in a totally different way. The Toilet Santa is the perfectly fucked-up decoration for many types of people!

It’s perfect for the Christmas-decorating freak who just has to make their house look like Christmas barfed up all over it (you know who you are and yes, I’m talking to my auntie who even decorates her refrigerator and dishwasher for Christmas). It’s also perfect for someone who suffers from constipation, because seeing that creepy Toilet Santa will scare the shit out of you. And as Conan’s fake infomercial shows, it’s also perfect for sick fucks whose fantasy is to have a scat threesome with their spouse and Santa.

Conan also made a fake Mrs. Claus for your bidet, which is fitting. Mrs. Claus has to work with those shady elves, so she’s probably used to dealing with shitty assholes.

And the sight of Santa getting ready to Ray-J on Santa is just what I needed to start my Christmas weekend.

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