Several People Were Arrested In Connection To Kim Kardashian’s Paris Robbery
And in a PLOT TWIST that may shock everyone who thought that the Kartrashian jewelry heist was a staged scheme for attention and insurance purposes, the people that were arrested didn’t include Kim Kartrashian herself, Kanye West, Pimp Mama Kris and producers from E! for falsifying a crime for ratings. So we’re not going to get the image of little Ryan Seacrest kicking and screaming as French police put him into Just My Size™ handcuffs.
Donald Trump Pouted On Twitter After Meryl Streep’s Golden Globes Speech
It didn’t take long for Donald Trump to fire up those stubby little fingers of his and slap back at Meryl Streep for hurting his feelings. Shortly after Meryl called him out during her Cecil B. DeMille award acceptance speech at the Golden Globes last night, the President-elect got all angry and hissed back.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Hidden Fences!
Up until last night, the words, “hidden fences,” would’ve made me think of a dog’s worst nightmare next to hearing the words: “You’ve just been bought by Justin Bieber.” I would’ve thought of that invisible prison fence for dogs that shocks their asses every time they try to cross it. (Or like the invisible fence that Taylor Swift has around her property just in case her boyfriend-of-the-moment decides to break their contract and make a run for it.) But now every time I heard the words, “hidden fences,” I’m going to think of the greatest movie from 2016 that never was. Hidden Fences tells the story of three brilliant African-American mathematicians who try to figure out the equation that explains why Viola Davis is able to snot-cry on cue.
“Hidden Fences” trended all night and became a meme after Jenna Bush Hager, who NBC decided to put on the Golden Globes red carpet for some reason, said to Pharrell Williams, “So, you’re nominated for Hidden Fences...”
Birthday Sluts
Duchess Kate (35)
Lottie Moss (19)
Nicola Peltz (22)
Nina Dobrev (28)
Paolo Nutini (30)
A.J. McLean (39)
Chad Johnson (39)
Maggie Rizer (39)
Kim Mathers (42)
Angela Bettis (44)
Sean Paul (44)
Angie Martinez (46)
Lara Fabian (47)
Joey Lauren Adams (49)
Dave Matthews (50)
Haddaway (52)
Joely Richardson (52)
Imelda Staunton (61)
J.K. Simmons (62)
Mathew Knowles (65)
Crystal Gayle (66)
Jimmy Page (73)
Joan Baez (76)
Judith Krantz (89)
Richard Nixon (1913-1994)
Bob Denver (1935-2005)
Pic: The Scottish Sun
Next Year, Meryl Streep Will Win A Golden Globe (And An Oscar) For This Speech
Viola Davis, who won the Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe for Fences, presented Meryl Streep with the Cecil B. DeMille award at the GGs tonight and her introduction was some Tony Award-worthy shit. Viola delivered several layers of THEATER! I wondered how Meryl Streep herself was going to follow that up, and then she went up to the mic and snatched the road kill carcass on Donald Trump’s head without even saying his name.
Andrew Garfield Comforted Loser Ryan Reynolds With His Lips
The Golden Globes turned out to be your theater queen friend who has seen La La Land a hundred times, has one of the songs as his ringtone and throws you the most disgusting look every time you say you haven’t seen it yet and really have no desire to do so. La La Land won everything including Best Actor – Comedy or Musical for Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling was up against the other Ryan, future Oscar winner (in his head) Ryan Reynolds for Deadpool. When Ryan beat Ryan, it wasn’t Blake NotSoLively who sucked the sad rejection out of him by sucking his face. It was Andrew Garfield. If you’re a Marvel nerd, lock the door, pull down your pants and grab the lotion.
https://twitter.com/ComplexPop/status/818285471985963009?lang=en
Seriously, my thoughts and prayers are with the parents of gay Marvel nerds. Because I can’t even imagine what happened when nerds watched Deadpool and Spider-Man make love to each other’s mouths. I bet that many moms are going to walk into their sons’ rooms tomorrow and wonder why the carpet is covered with dried evaporated milk. “Were you making a dozen tres leches cakes in here or something?” is what mom is going to scream.
Deadpool and Spider-Man don’t do things to me, but I’ll take man-on-man action however I can get it. I was hoping that the man-on-man hotness would’ve rubbed off on Jake Gyllenhaal and Luke Bracey and made them tongue each other good.
Pic: @People, Getty