Chris Brown is finally breaking his silence about the night he and ex-girlfriend Rihanna re-enacted the limo scene from What’s Love Got To Do With It? inside a Lamborghini after a pre-Grammy party in 2009. The aftermath of that fight declared Rihanna the winner while Chris was transformed from happy, dancing heart throb into the second coming of Ike Turner. In the years since, Chris has remained tight-lipped about the incident, but now with his new documentary Chris Brown: Welcome To My Life, he’s ready to tell it all!
Rihanna has gotten a little curvier as of late, and most fans are loving the fact that the pop star is being body positive from a genuine place, as opposed to the Kardashian method of Photoshopping a bigger booty and ‘gramming, “Me too! #thick #blessed.” Of course, some people are real assholes, so RiRi has drawn the ire of fat shamers on the interwebs. Some Barstool Sports turd wrote an article calling her fat, which must make me the Hindenburg. He now works at TV Guide. Just kidding, I just saw The Devil Wears Prada for the 9000th time last night and have been acting like Emily Blunt all day. That’s all! Actually, it isn’t, because it seems like the plus-size shade continues. Continue reading
Somewhere, a wall got covered in poutine tears and Drake’s body when he did the slow wall slide of crying sadness after seeing pictures of RiRi getting on a hot new piece in the pool. RiRi was (or is still on) vacation in Spain, and a paparazzo disguised themselves like a bush to get pictures of her sucking the face of a dude in a pool. The detectives on Twitter believed the dude was pocket-sized Spanish footballer Isco Alarcon. But The Sun says that RiRi’s pool-time fuck partner isn’t a footballer. His family owns a damn football team, but he isn’t a footballer. They say that RiRi was putting her tongue on Saudi businessman Hassan Jameel. Hassan’s family is the largest Toyota distributor in Saudi Arabia and they run other businesses as well. They are reportedly worth $1.5 billion at least. And here I was last night thinking that I was living the life while eating Sno-Balls ice cream as I watched old GLOW matches on YouTube. But it’s RiRi who was truly living the life in Spain while sipping champagne and boning on a hot Toyota distributor heir.
Last week, Barstool Sports got in trouble after one of their writers, Chris Spagnuolo, posted a piece titled: Is Rihanna Going To Make Being Fat The Hot New Trend?. In it, Chris joked (a term I’m using very loosely here) that Rihanna looked like she was wearing a sumo suit, and hoped that her new look would inspire hot girls to “look like the humans in Wall-E.”
— UNCLE D (@DeeDub67) May 31, 2017
It didn’t go over well, and Chris Spagnuolo claimed he was getting cyberbullied by Rihanna’s fans. He has since been suspended indefinitely, and the post has been deleted. Although the blog’s founder released a statement saying it was pulled because it wasn’t funny enough.
Anyone who has ever been to a sports game of some kind knows that some people take sports very seriously. Rihanna loves basketball, and she loves sitting courtside and gets into it. She also really doesn’t like it when a team beats her boo LeBron James. That created the perfect storm last night during Game 1 of the NBA Finals last night.
The brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Bella Hadid is currently at Cannes. And the other brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Emily RideAJetski is also at Cannes, and at yesterday’s premier of Nelyubov, she dropped massive amounts of black lace under-titty classiness on the red carpet. That’s a whole lot of look, but it’s Cannes! If you’re not delivering a whole lot of look, take your ass to the People’s Choice Awards. Although, since Emily is permanently suffering from a severe case of dehydration, she’d wear this to the People’s Choice Awards too.
It looks like some of the worst trends simultaneously caca’d all over Emily. Underboob? Check! Chichis window? Check! Nude illusion? Check!
On I Love Lucy, Lucy would sometimes wear this glamorous sheer housecoat thing over cigarette pants and it was a perfect vision of elegance, and Emily RideAJetSki’s look is like the NastyDress.com version of that. This is something Sophia Loren would’ve worn back in the day if she was tacky, on a budget and suffered from narcolepsy so she needed a fluffy duvet handy for quick naps.
And just when you thought that Emily RideAJetSki reached the pinnacle of elegance with this look, she faced the front and showed off a crotch seam that looks like a never-ending sparkly landing strip (see: first picture in the gallery and prepare to be hit by the classiness of it all).
Here’s more from the Nelyubov premiere and I also threw in pictures from today’s Okja premiere because I just couldn’t ignore Tilda Swinton looking like a glorious albino alien mother of the bride.
Pics: Backgrid, Wenn.com