A few days ago, Chris Brown hopped on Twitter and said that he wants to go on a world tour with Beyonce, Bruno Mars, and Rihanna. The same Rihanna he violently assaulted almost exactly nine years ago. I’m starting to think that before Chris Brown’s monkey was taken into custody, she pooped in his food and gave him a case of the Motaba virus. Because that’s the kind of stupid thing you type when your brain is melting.
The vaginas are coming! The vaginas are coming! The trailer for the long awaited (ok, sustained indifferenced) Ocean’s 8 is here and it’s got more vaginas than a Amazonian gynecology conference! As expected, it stars Sandra Bullock as the titular Ocean (1) and includes Cate Blanchett as some kind of badass (2), Mindy Kaling as some kind of jeweler (3), Rihanna as some kind of hacker (4), Helena Bonham Carter as Helena Bonham Carter (5), Sarah Paulson as a suburban mom with a criminal past (6), Awkwafina as a street grifter (don’t ask me I have no idea who she is either, 7) and that’s only 7 so what the fuck? Yes, Anne Hathaway is in it but she appears to be the target so I’m confused.
The only thing Madonna might love more than the fresh blood of greased-up backup dancers is to gyrate around a crucifix and surf on a nun. So Anna Wintour really missed an opportunity by not making the Material Girl the lady priest or co-host or whatever of next year’s Met Gala. Because the theme is honoring Catholic fashion. Instead, it’ll be a “say wha?” trinity with Rihanna, Donatella Versace, and Amal Clooney serving as celebrity co-hosts. Continue reading
Ok, maybe it isn’t Burning Man. But why in high HAIL does Rihanna not realize that the Care Bear heart goes on her tummy and not her damn face??
RiRi is on the cover of ELLE for the sixth time, and she’s got some product to peddle. RiRi has officially launched her makeup line, Fenty Beauty. It’s great she’s got a makeup line; she throws enough shade on social media that she may as well hawk a couple of shades of foundation and make a buck. So, good news for anyone who wanted to recreate RiRi’s pastel purple heart face look at home!
Chris Brown is finally breaking his silence about the night he and ex-girlfriend Rihanna re-enacted the limo scene from What’s Love Got To Do With It? inside a Lamborghini after a pre-Grammy party in 2009. The aftermath of that fight declared Rihanna the winner while Chris was transformed from happy, dancing heart throb into the second coming of Ike Turner. In the years since, Chris has remained tight-lipped about the incident, but now with his new documentary Chris Brown: Welcome To My Life, he’s ready to tell it all!
Rihanna has gotten a little curvier as of late, and most fans are loving the fact that the pop star is being body positive from a genuine place, as opposed to the Kardashian method of Photoshopping a bigger booty and ‘gramming, “Me too! #thick #blessed.” Of course, some people are real assholes, so RiRi has drawn the ire of fat shamers on the interwebs. Some Barstool Sports turd wrote an article calling her fat, which must make me the Hindenburg. He now works at TV Guide. Just kidding, I just saw The Devil Wears Prada for the 9000th time last night and have been acting like Emily Blunt all day. That’s all! Actually, it isn’t, because it seems like the plus-size shade continues. Continue reading