Forget everything you thought you knew about health, wellness, and weight loss because Mariah Carey is about to take us all back to school. Borrowing from the Scandinavian edition of Karl Lagerfeld’s Restrictive Recipes, Mimi recently told E! News that her diet consists of salmon and capers and only salmon and capers. Sounds, uh, great…
You absolutely want to watch the full video of Mimi because she is in her full glory right now, henny. She didn’t drop a single “dahling” in this interview and she didn’t need to; her whole body from toe to tip read OVER IT in the most fabulous way.
“It’s really hard. My diet, you would hate it,” Carey told E! News recently while promoting the Dec. 4 premiere of her new E! docs-series Mariah’s World. “All you eat is Norwegian salmon and capers every day. That’s it.”
She clarified that she tries to focus on making sure she’s eating “the proteins” and that she hates it. This is basically what I imagined Mimi had been feeding her very expensive, purebred asshole cat that she may or may not own. When you start getting specific about the origin of your salmon you’re definitely in a tax bracket I do not share. But Lord, greasy fish and salty little berry things for every meal? Doesn’t sound like you’re getting the full range of vitamins and minerals, but what do I know? I ate a pan of Rice Krispie Treats last week.
I’m not sure we can say for sure that she ever lost it, but if she did, Mimi has definitely gotten her groove back now. Just LOOK at these pictures of her (finally) out and proud with her hot young back-up dancer boy toy. Tits! Stunts! Ennui!
Shortly after Mariah Carey called it quits with her human bank machine James Packer, there were rumors that one of the reasons why things went sour was because she was getting a little too close with one of her Vegas backup dancers, Bryan Tanaka. Mariah reportedly swore on her most special Hello Kitty crystal jewelry-inspecting loupe that she never got with Bryan while she was engaged to James. Now that James is sort-of out of the picture, Mariah and Bryan have been getting even closer. Mariah may still be trying to get $50 million out of James, but she’s also apparently trying to get with Bryan too.
There are two indicators that the holiday season has begun. One would be July 5th (am I right, retail outlets?) and the other is Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” being played on a continuous loop everywhere and anywhere you go. Unfortunately, that song’s relentless and maddening yuletide joy might be a little dulled this year for the lamb leaderess. ET reports that Mimi feels that James Packer is trying to RUIN Christmas for her!
As you remember, if Mariah Carey gets her way, she will be $50 million richer, because that was the amount designated in her prenup with Australian billionaire James Packer. If “The Emancipation of James Packer’s Money” actually succeeds, she should be lauded and perhaps feared as a powerful sorceress with reality-altering abilities. Because they never even got married! They didn’t even live together long enough for a palimony suit! She wants to be compensated for being briefly engaged! Hey, shaping underwear ain’t cheap!
Mariah Carey wanted her former billionaire fiancé James Packer to slip a check for $50 million into her back pocket as she slinked out of their messy relationship. Mariah claimed that moving from NYC to Los Angeles for James put a deep dent in her bank account, and all the stress from James going all Timothy from Glitter on her assistant forced her to cancel the South American leg of her tour. It sounded like Mariah pulled that random $50 million number out of her Spanx-binded ass. As it turns out, Mariah allegedly just wants what she was supposed to get if she and James had followed through with their marriage and subsequent divorce.
The tragic end of Mariah Carey and James Packer’s love has been blamed on everything from her spending his cash like crazy to him being a violent crazy. But now sources close to Mimi says that their blessed union crumbled like one’s sanity after joining Scientology because of James Packer’s relationship with his business manager, Tommy Davis, who was once the main spokesperson for that cult of alien crazies.
Goddamn Xenudamn you, L. Ron Hubbard, for ruining the opulent wedding of this century!