Mimi is tired, y’all. She cannot be bothered to work up a sweat anymore! But she still needs money, because what is a queen without a castle, an aviary for her white doves, royal joooooles, a professional Spanx stuffer, leg insurance and a special little mini castle made just for wigs?
So rather than risk a potentially disastrous marriage to another billionaire, Mariah Carey is mining her past for a taste of that honied gold. Deadline reports that a television series based on your youth is in development for the Starz network.
The Dead Sea renders objects almost thrillingly buoyant due to the intense amounts of salt within. So Mariah Carey, her sparkling diamonds, and her gigantic ego can float around in it just like she floats around in the cotton candy-colored clouds of her dreams! Mimi threw up some pics of herself on Twitter, splashing around in the famed body of water that’s bordered by Israel, Palestine, and Jordan. In her leopard one-piece under leggings, Mariah showed the people that the Dead Sea Scrolls aren’t the only priceless artifact to come out of the region. Or so she’d have you believe. Ugh, imagine having to be the harried assistant that has to cleanse the salt from her buxom crevices?
— Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey) June 30, 2017
Mimi fluttered into Tel Aviv earlier this week to promote her partnership with skincare line, Premier Dead Sea Cosmetics, and so she was there to talk about herself, beauty, herself, the Dead Sea, herself, premierness, herself, cosmetics, herself and singing. She was not there to talk about her Australian billionaire ex’s possible involvement in a corruption scandal! Like Jennifer Lopez’s name, question marks twirl out of Mimi’s butterfly ears when someone brings up politics to her.
Pink cloud dreamer Mariah Carey and her ex-husband, “dolorous” clown Nick Cannon, have been spending a ton of time together lately. They claim they’re just co-parenting the right way. “The right way” meaning, getting along for the sake of your kids and not dropping them off at the foot of the driveway due to the restraining order and wearing homemade “You’re A Terrible Parent” t-shirts.
Well, at least we’ll always have that magnificently acted scene from Mariah’s World that proved that Mimi and Bryan Tanaka are the Katharine Hepburn and Sir Laurence Olivier of our time. Anybody who watched that scene isn’t surprised by this news, because Mimi and Bryan had as much heat as the opened box of baking soda that’s been sitting in the back of your refrigerator for 10 years and any relationship that has that much passion is destined to blow the hell up.
It’s been almost two months since Mariah Carey’s now-iconic bomb of a performance in Times Square, and most have moved on and the only time anyone ever really thinks about it is when they see it at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where it’s currently on display in the American Masterpieces Collection (no, it’s not, but it should be). But the glittery fart that Mimi dropped on New Year’s Eve is still on the minds of Rolling Stone and Mimi herself. And I’m glad it is, because when she talked about it with Rolling Stone, her butterfly mouth produced several verbal jewels, like how she’d die if she stepped into reality.