I’m surprised it took as long as it did but the universe has finally given us the Las Vegas Pop Diva encounter we’ve all been dreaming about. No, not the one where Celine Dion and Cher have a Fear and Loathing fueled all-nighter that starts at the carousel bar at Circus Circus and ends with them doing a duet of Enough is Enough (No More Tears) while standing on top of a rundown school bus blazing through the desert at 60 miles an hour with a wake of dust, sequins and glitter trailing behind them. Sadly no, it’s the one where Britney Spears and Mariah Carey run into each other at a dinner party and chatted for a while over an extremely un-photogenic meal!
Fact: the greatest piece of television history is Mariah Carey’s episode of Cribs (mostly for the literal cat fight with her poor pussy who spends most of the episode swapping “Can you believe this bish has us working overtime?” glares with most of Mimi’s staff). It’s been too long since we’ve seen inside Mimi’s palace. Luckily, the team at Vogue recently got a tour inside her closet. Continue reading
People have been hisssss-terical (shut up, I tried) since Taylor Swift reemerged from her short-lived social media blackout to post a snake video on said accounts yesterday. She dropped another one two hours ago, and it seems like the only thing you’re going to hear in your Uber Friday is some hokey pop song about meanie pants boys or backstabby non-girl’s girls. Or maybe she could throw us for a loop and it’ll just be a song about everyone getting along and will feature Katy Perry, so her former friend can finally get a new Billboard hit. HA! Did you think I was being serious?! You don’t get a gazillion-dollar Diet Coke contract by being genuinely nice to anyone! Continue reading
Paper magazine is out with four Las Vegas-themed covers. One with Ricky Martin, one with the Backstreet Boys, and two featuring two wildly different Divas: Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez. One dances, sings and shimmies at an exhausting pace, the other is Mariah Carey. Mariah is always at her most Mariah when she’s having her picture made or when giving an interview, and here we get both!
As we’ve seen over and over again, Mariah Carey hasn’t necessarily been giving 100% in her performances of late. I’d clock her at somewhere around 2%. Given that breathing and sustaining a pulse are autonomic nervous system functions, the additional 2% effort is basically just enough for her to remain upright with her eyes mostly open. Sad to say, the old rhinestoned mare ain’t what she used to be. Well, Complex has a theory about what might be at the root of Mariah’s less than stellar performances and it’s not because somebody has been slipping her quaaludes; she fired her longtime choreographer Anthony Burrell.
Mariah Carey may have had her legs insured for $70 million dollars, but her precious vocal cords are out here swaying in the wind, vulnerable to all manner of insults to their integrity. Thankfully, Mimi has a few tricks up her sleeve to protect her golden 5 octave voice that she definitely, absolutely 100% still uses at all of her concerts to sing live. Mimi’s secret weapon is honey and she puts it in her champagne, as we learn in this stimulating Entertainment Tonight clip below.
Do you think Mimi can’t keep her eyes open because she is sleepy or is it because her false eyelashes are too heavy? They are probably made from mink and stuck on using the glue from Secretariat’s great grandson. I particularly love the way she mimes how she drinks her honey champers by making little chipmunk noises. I don’t think she actually drinks from a glass like a normal person. She has one of her manservants dip a silk rag into the the glass and daubs it on her lips like you would an abandoned kitten or a shipwreck victim. And can’t nobody tell Mimi she didn’t invent honey wine. Everybody knows the Egyptians had honey wine, but who the hell do you think invented Egypt, Dahlings?