Despite looking very much like an expensive weapon, there are no American Music Awards currently being held as crime scene evidence today, awaiting testing to see whose DNA is in the body shimmer lifted by forensics. Both Mariah Carey and her longtime nemesis Jennifer Lopez both hit the stage at the AM’s last night, and there were no casualties caused by thrown awards, pulled hair, or shoes. Technically, the only real throw down was possibly Mariah vs. Singing Live, a battle the internet thinks she might have won.
The other day Kanye West took to Instagram to post multiple videos where he called out several people, including Canadian condom-hater, Drake, and accused-homosexual Tyson Beckford. Also on his hit-list was former Mariah Carey sugar-baby, Nick Cannon. Nick finally saw the videos Kanye posted and he has responded with some vlogs of his own. Continue reading
If you’ve known Mariah Carey more for her gowns, reality show and HSN clothing line than her singing lately, you aren’t the only one, dahhhhhling. Alas, that sporadic Butterfly residency or whatever it’s called in Vegas can’t survive solely on “We Belong Together” and a video homage to Glitter (oh who are we kidding – yes, it can!), so she’s coming out with a new album this fall. The not-lead single appetizer of a song “GTFO” had me squealing, “GTFO, is that really her?!” earlier this week at the promo art. Mimi finally released the music video today…yep, it’s her.
The song may be a half-snooze/half-Ariana Grande warble, but Mariah makes up for the hiccups by dressing like she’s advertising a girlfriend experience to would-be johns in Don Draper’s mid-century modern lair. The hair is teased, the boobs are perky, and it’s a chiffon-and-feather moment, dahling. It’s basically just Mimi traipsing and rolling around solo in her house and singing into a glass of wine. If I wanted that, I’d just shut my eyes and think about what I did last night!
I guess my biggest gripe is the house. Do I believe that Mariah traipses around her own home looking like she spent her afternoon bopping between the MAC counter, Frederick’s of Hollywood, and a free Veuve Clicquot tasting at the neighborhood liquor store? Yes. Do I believe said home is this low-budget Graceland with a tiled tub? Hell, naw! That being said…do I think this song will be salvaged by any given gay DJ with a little dubstep and mashing up with the new Ariana album just to be a catty ho? OH, hell yes. See y’all at the clurb!
Mariah Carey is finally getting her shit together and has got a new album coming out this year. While we have to wait until her first official single comes out, she’s just released a little teaser song called GTFO, which is not very ladylike at all. I guess Mimi’s finally over the unreliable billionaires, the backstabbing managers, and the menacing fish in her life. No more! Mimi has had it with all you motherfuckers, now get the fuck out!
The best part of The Meg was Jason Statham shirtless and/or in a very snug wetsuit. But the movie would have been SO MUCH better if this had been the actual storyline. People reports that Mariah Carey (“Mimi” to her friends, lovers, and lambs) was trying to have what was probably her 3,000th vacation this summer on a yacht when a finny friend swam up to say hello. Instead of saying hi to Mr. Shark and going on about her luxury, Mimi waxed overly dramatic and began filming her visitor for Instagram. Jesus, it’s not like she had to go in a shark cage or something. (You really can’t wear stilettos in a shark cage. Safety first.)
What Mimi isn’t realizing is that one of her children probably bypassed the parental controls she put on their tablets after the dog incident and ordered that shark as a yacht pet. Sharks as rich people pets are a big deal right now
Kids today! Give a 7-year-old an iPad and wait a minute for all of the Amazon boxes to come a’rollin’ in! Parents are dumb, and kids are technologically savvy, it’s just a fact of life in the 21st century. Take Moroccan Cannon for instance. Moroccan’s mom, lactose-doused butterfly Mariah Carey, went on Jimmy Kimmel this week and provided yet another example of how kids today are hackers and could probably breach ALL of our data as long as it involved the Paw Patrol.