Lil Wayne has again denied his fans the opportunity to see his lil ass bounce around on stage to “Lollipop.” Except this time, it’s not because of seizures. This time Lil Wayne cancelled a performance simply because he didn’t want to go through the venue’s security checkpoint.
I’m starting to think the part in “A Milli” when Lil Wayne declares “motherfucker, I’m ill” wasn’t actually a hot hook, but an accurate description of Lil Wayne’s general health. According to TMZ, Lil Wayne is ill again, motherfuckers.
Drake‘s look has always been more “aw, shucks” than “I fux” which probably vexes him no end. When you’re Canadian, have a baby face, your mom is a nice white lady, you used to play a kid in a wheelchair on TV and no matter how hard you work out you always carry the shadow of your pudgy 11-year old self, it’s hard for people to take you seriously as a rapper. One thing you can do to pump up your street cred is to get a lot of tattoos, and that’s just what Drake has been doing.
Smeagol’s cousin who raps Lil Wayne sounds like he’s over and out when it comes to show business. Following a second 911 shooting hoax at his place in Miami on Friday (the first one happened in March of last year), the seizure-prone hip-hop artist made like Inetta the Moodsetta on Twitter.
Back in 2012, Lil Wayne was on a flight headed for LAX when his body busted out a seizure and his plane had to make an emergency landing in Texas. He spent a good minute in the hospital and got back on the plane, but his body just wouldn’t let him get to LAX, because he had a second seizure and his plane had to land in Louisiana. At the time, Lil Wayne’s rep confirmed that his plane made one emergency landing, but they shit on the rumor that it made a second emergency landing. Then in 2013, he suffered several seizures and TMZ made it sound like the Grim Reaper was circling his hospital bed. He’s epileptic, but doctors reportedly also blamed his seizures on the Purple Drank he kept guzzling down. Well, today, TMZ reported that Weezy is down again after having two more seizures.
They say that Lil Wayne was riding on his private jet from Milwaukee to California when he had a seizure that was so bad that he blacked out. The pilot made an emergency landing in Omaha where paramedics waited for him at the airstrip. He allegedly woke up and waved away any medical treatment. If TMZ is right, then saying “fuck no” to medical treatment was probably not the best move he could make, because they say he had another mid-air seizure after his plane took off again.
The plane was apparently only in the air for a few minutes when it had to land a second time at Eppley Airfield. KETV-7 says that an ambulance was called and he was taken a nearby hospital where he’s currently being treated in the ER.
Weezy has vowed that he’s off lean, but TMZ posted an Instagram video from last night of him holding a double-sided cup while looking about as high as a sloth who just gave Miley Cyrus mouth-to-mouth. And no, “lean” isn’t a new drug made from melted down Lean Cuisine containers. “Lean” is just another name for Sizzurp aka Purple Drank.
If Weezy’s latest seizures are codeine-induced, then he really needs to kiss goodbye to lean. Actually, he should probably kiss goodbye to it anyway. Because Weezy has a bunch of children that depend on him, and not only that, but I’m sure several employees at the Child Support Processing Center have a job thanks to him.
UPDATE: Weezy’s rep hit the downplay button on TMZ’s story and said that he had a “minor” seizure.
“Under the guidance of his own doctors, he is now in stable condition and good spirits. He thanks his fans for their everlasting support, prayers and well wishes.”
I know, it’s always too early in the day, the week, the month, the year and the century to read the words “Lil Wayne,” “sex tape” and “leaks” in one sentence.
Last month, TMZ reported that a fuck tape starring the fertile goblin and two strippers was put up on the sale block. Lil Wayne’s lawyers immediately threatened to sue any trick who put out that mess. Well, in news that’ll make your genitals do the opposite of “leak,” a clip of the supposed sex tape leaked online. The site Diary of a Hollywood Street King threw up the clip and the site writes that they “may or may not have gotten” it from the camp of Wayne’s one-time collaborator and current arch rival Birdman.
The tape must have been shot on a turnip (not even a potato), because it’s grainy as all hell. (NSFW, duh) The clip shows Maybe Wayne lying on a bed, in what looks like a Motel 6, while two chicks do all the work. What really made me want to inject antibiotics into my eyeballs is something that doesn’t happen at all in the clip. The dude never wraps up his peen and does it raw dog-style. Dude wrapped up his feet (he’s keeping it all the way classy by wearing socks), but didn’t wrap up that dick. See, that’s one big reason why I’m wondering if that really is Lil Wayne in the clip. I mean, if it was Wayne, I’d think that as soon as the chick sat on that unwrapped peen, her uterus would find a way to push that dick out while thinking to itself, “Nope, not going to house a Weezy fetus this lifetime. Not going to do it.”
So I don’t know, but Lil Wayne’s ex-piece and hip hop ho extraordinaire Karrine “Superhead” Steffans seems to think to think it’s him. In between fighting with Lil Wayne’s fans, Superhead reviewed the clip on Twitter and she believes it’s him, because she recognizes the dry boredom of it all:
Chile…that @LilTunechi sex tape is so dry. Brought flash backs of texting and looking at the ceiling in missionary for 8 years. Sigh.
— Karrine & Co.® (@karrineandco) October 12, 2015
Anywho, I hope no one else sees this tape in its entirety. It's an illegal recording and a violation. And it's dry. Dry. Dry. Dry.
— Karrine & Co.® (@karrineandco) October 12, 2015
Oh, Superhead. She’s like the Siskel & Ebert of celebrity sex tape reviewers. And she obviously gives this one two dry coochies.