Every former Miss Kentucky that works at Fox News has most definitely been taking bets in the break room over what “LIBERAL ELITE MOONBAT HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITY!” would play her in the upcoming movie about the women of Fox News and how they dealt with Roger Ailes. While I still think Snooki should play Kimberly Guilfoyle (no offense, Snook), we at least know who two Fox alums will be portrayed by. Y’all already knew that Charlize Theron has been rehearsing “Santa is white…get over it” for a while now to get into her part as Megyn Kelly, but now you’ll get to see Nicole Kidman at Gretchen Carlson because, um, I guess if you have glaucoma, those two look alike?
Sadly, Charlize Theron won’t be playing Megyn Kelly in a drama about her getting roasted to dust by Jane Fonda. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Charlize Theron and director Jay Roach are getting together to work on a biopic about the sexual assault allegations against the late Roger Ailes.
Charlize will play Megyn in the currently-untitled Roger Ailes film, and will also serve as one of the film’s producer (Annapurna will be financing and producing). It will reportedly center around the multiple sexual assault allegations made against Roger Ailes back in 2016, beginning with the sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Gretchen Carlson. It’s rumored that Gretchen will likely be a character in this film. Also possible characters to be included are Greta Van Susteren, Rupert Murdoch, and Bill O’Reilly.
Megyn’s role in the film will most likely echo what was happening in real life at the time of the accusations. Megyn was at Fox News for over a decade when she was given her own show, The Kelly File. Megyn never came out and said it, but sources claimed she told investigators that Roger had allegedly sexually harassed her when she first started at Fox News a decade earlier. Her story was rumored to be the final nail in Roger’s coffin at Fox. Fox News allegedly tried to pressure Megyn into defending Roger when the allegations first came out, but Megyn refused.
I can totally see Charlize as Megyn Kelly, because Charlize fully commits to a role transformation. I just hope she prepares her gag reflex as much as she prepares squinting her eyes and working a smug smile. All that inevitable vomit-triggering talk about raw hamburger crotch meat is bound to do a number on her stomach.
In her upcoming film Tully, Charlize Theron plays a 600 pound woman who can barely stand or walk. It’s the only explanation for the lengths she went through, as described to Entertainment Tonight, to pack on the pounds that made her miserable and depressed. Charlize says she went full method for the 50 pound weight gain in order to understand how it feels to not be a statuesque glamorpuss, but to live as an average sized, overworked mom. And as everybody knows, regular sized lady = In-N-Out guzzling hobgoblin.
As you may have known, back in 2014, Charlize Theron was allegedly approached by Tia Mowry while they waited to go into the spin torture chamber that is SoulCycle. Charlize allegedly was all, “Sister/Sister is gonna get Blister/Blistered by my knuckles if she don’t get up out my face!” (I’m paraphrasing…or am I?!) The whole thing turned into a competing form of cardio that doesn’t cost $34 a class, as we all raced around trying to see who was going to say what, or who was going to try and get the other blacklisted from hopping on a stationary bike and getting screamed at by a twink to the tune of a sick Reba McEntire remix for an hour.
Soul Cycle’s biggest bitch fight is usually when everyone takes the light weights and you’re stuck front row with the heavy shit, peddling to a Mandy Moore remix and thinking how you just want to clock Becky the trainer in the face if she tells you to crank the resistance up one more time. Well, in 2014, it turned into K.O. Sister, Sister vs. Atomic Blonde in the tabloids, as Tia Mowry snitched to InTouch that Charlize Theron would have sooner lit herself on fire with that $40 SoulCycle candle than talk to her. Three years later, E! reports Charlize is clapping back and saying that can’t be true, because she’s a damn Girl Scout at spin, thank you very much! Continue reading
Charlize Theron arrived to the Atomic Blonde premiere in Berlin last night, rocking a very expensive version of what Mary-Kay Letourneau wore back in the day while tutoring Vili Fualaau. People notes the Dior get-up is actually a white cotton “bralette” with a white leather mini skirt, complete with boning in the waist (teehee!).
The Atomic Blonde crew (pictured with Charlize are co-stars Til Schweiger and Sofia Boutella) went to Berlin, because the movie is apparently about all of the shifty crap that happened on the eve of the fall of the Berlin Wall. There’s really no better way to save West Germany than scaring off those repressed Soviets with your perky chi-chis and schnitzel!
The bra and mini skirt combo served as a reminder to all us lessers that Charlize is still hitting up Soul Cycle: with or without that Sister, Sister nobody!!!