The Palin family has been quiet and drama-free for just a tad too long. And here we are, on the cusp of what could be a divorce battle messier than two mama grizzlies fightin’ over the last I Luv My Cubs travel mug at Bass Pro.
Before we get to Alaskan Abstinence Queen Bristol Palin’s third child, let’s quickly remind ourselves of some of the hunting store employee-sounding names that will be greeting it on the Palin Family Tree.
Oh that’s all just terrific. 26-year-old Bristol Palin and her 28-year-old husband of almost a year Dakota Meyer became parents again. Bristol had a girl. This is their second baby together. They have a 1-year-old daughter named Sailor Grace, and Bristol has 9-year-old Tripp Easton with Levi Johnston. Bristol announced her new baby on Instagram yesterday. And what did they name their baby?
“Welcome to the world Atlee Bay“
Sarah Palin congratulated Bristol on her latest baby with a statement released via The Daily Mail saying: “Babies are the best ingredient in our world, and we’re blessed to help welcome Atlee Bay to it. The whole family couldn’t be more thrilled!”
The only thing that matters here is that name. Atlee Bay Meyer. First name Atlee, middle name Bay. That name sounds like something thought up by the Taylee/McKarty lady after driving past an insurance company. Atlee Bay is Bristol’s kid, but it could also be the most highly discounted area rug brand on Overstock.com. It looks like a Google translate mistake. It’s a perfect name for a Palin.
Yesterday, Dakota Meyer, the father of Bristol Palin’s five month old daughter Sailor and the guy she dumped five seconds before they were supposed to get married the first time, posted the picture above on his Facebook page. Of course, it didn’t take long for people to notice that Alaska’s abstinence princess was wearing a fancy diamond ring on that finger and start to wonder if they were back together again. It looks like people can stop wondering, because Entertainment Tonight can confirm that they’re more than back together: they’re married.
25-year-old Bristol and 27-year-old Dakota spilled the beans to ET earlier today that they were currently on their honeymoon, which would explain the palm trees. They didn’t say anything about the wedding, like if the bride wore a stunning floor-length camo-print “thong dress“ or if her mother provided the music at the reception. But they did provide this statement:
“Life is full of ups and downs but in the end, you’ll end up where you’re supposed to be. We are so happy to share with loved ones the wonderful news that we got married! Hard work and God’s grace are the foundation of our new life together, and with the love and support of our family we know we can get through anything.”
“Get through anything”? That’s nice, but honestly, what’s left? They’ve already dealt with secret wives, surprise pregnancies, paternity drama, birth certificate drama, and custody fights. The only way I could see their relationship getting any more soap opera-y would be if Bristol were to discover that Dakota is actually just three stray dogs in a trench coat like in that Doritos commercial. I mean, it’s not that insane: crazier things have happened to the Palin family (see: Sarah Palin being chosen as a Vice Presidential nominee). If I were Bristol, I’d be checking Dakota for a tail.
Alaska’s pride of teen abstinence Bristol Palin and her family have a reason to celebrate just a little bit harder than they usually would this weekend, and it has nothing to do with Sarah Palin’s extra-hard Memorial Day Loose Moose Punch.
TMZ says that Bristol and Levi Johnston, the father of her 7-year-old son Tripp, were recently in court again. The last time they went to court, Levi was granted joint custody after years of Bristol and her family allegedly making it a pain in the ass for him to get in some regular daddy visits. This time it was Bristol’s turn to do the Wasilla victory dance (which I imagine is just drunk-grinding against a truck bumper). Bristol was looking for $61,915.20 worth of unpaid child support from Levi, and a judge gave it to her.
Bristol and Levi are reportedly playing nice for now, and the unpaid child support was the last thing they had to clean up before they could move on. I really want to make a joke about how there’s no way a dude who had to move in with his mother will pay back several thousands of dollars, but a source tells TMZ that he’s actually trying. He’s been making regular child support payments and is starting to chip away at that $62,000 he owes Bristol.
I don’t know how I feel about this. On the one hand, I’m all for getting money that is owed to you. Especially when it’s in the $62,000 range. I’m also on Team Parents Getting Along. But something about this feels weird. It’s a real “If a tree falls in the forest” situation. Like, if Bristol Palin isn’t publicly fighting with one of her baby daddies, does she even exist at all? I can’t say for sure, but there definitely feels like there might be a disturbance in the trashy mommy force.
If you live in the greater Alaska area and are wondering why you just heard what sounded like 10lbs of bugle beads being hurled across a room by an angry Mama Grizzly, this would be why. E! says that after fighting for nearly seven years, Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin have finally come to a custody agreement regarding their 7-year-old son, Tripp Johnston.
This whole mess started shortly after their son was born back in 2009. Levi had accused Sarah Palin and the Skidoo Crew of making it difficult to see Baby Tripp, so they worked out a visitation schedule. But those sneaky Palins never had it passed by a judge, which means it was never finalized. Eventually Levi got sick of getting the answering machine every time he called the Palin compound. So in 2013, Levi got his lawyer to file a petition requesting equal custody of Tripp. Which brings us to today when a judge finally got around to writing his name on a custody agreement.
Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry’s custody battle royale is done (for now, I think). So is Kelly Rutherford’s (for now). And Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s custody bitch fight seems to be playing out in Instagram. So somebody has to bring the messy custody drama and Bristol Palin and her ex-man Dakota Meyer may be the ones to do it. I just hope that his leads to video footage of Sarah Palin being dragged out of a court room by bailiffs after trying to attack Dakota with one of her American flag hooker heels.
Abstinence icon Bristol Palin gave birth to her latest baby, a girl she named Sailor Grace, on December 23rd. She has never said who knocked her up this time. TMZ says that Dakota Meyer, the Medal of Honor-winning Marine she dumped right before their wedding day, has filed papers claiming that he’s the dude who busted a raw load up into Bristol’s abstinent cooch. Dakota went to court because he wants joint and physical custody of Baby Sailor. Dakota also wants child support.
Bristol Palin’s child support fight against Levi Johnston (remember him?) wrapped up in October and now she may have to get into a whole new battle. What’s funny to me is that Dakota wants to share custody and also wants a monthly check from Bristol. If Dakota really needs money, he should take a tip from Levi Johnston and get paid by baring his nalgas in Playgirl. That’s what responsible fathers do. That’s if Dakota Meyer is even the father… Tin foil trucker hats on!
This blog (via ONTD) used Bristol Palin’s Instagram posts and other information to push the theory that she gave birth to her daughter in November, not December. They don’t think that Dakota Meyer is the father. They think that Bristol and her exotic model friend picked up two guys in Las Vegas one night and she got pregnant by one of them. Bristol has already spit on that theory. But if she didn’t, she could’ve used that in court against Dakota. “Your honor, Dakota shouldn’t get joint custody and he shouldn’t get money, because he’s not the father. Some stranger trick who raw dogged me during a drunken night in Las Vegas is the father. And yes, God has already forgiven me for that.”