A new Tucci has arrived! Stanley Tucci and his wife Felicity Blunt, welcomed their second child together a couple of months ago. They had a girl named Emilia Giovanna, born April 19th. Stanley has three other kids from a previous marriage (he was widowed in 2009). Felicity is a literary agent and Emily Blunt‘s sister. Stanley actually has a lot in common with babies. He’s short, bald, and a lot of women would probably let him stick his head in their vagina.
The last time Stanley and Felicity made a baby together, they had jokes for People magazine. When their son Matteo Oliver was born in 2015, Tucci said “I believe he is mine. We are all thrilled to welcome him to this cold, cruel world.” In keeping with family tradition, Stanley came up with a new wisecrack for People to mark Emilia’s arrival.
“Hopefully she will have the looks and brains of her mother and one of my better personalities,” Tucci, 57, jokes to PEOPLE of his new baby girl.
I like it. If you are going to live in the rarefied air of a celebrity family, you might as well have a little fun with it. In fact, he should retroactively give his other kids People birth announcement jokes. He’s got 18-year-old twins, he could call People and be all “I am proud to finally announce the arrival of Nicolo and Isabel. I guess they took a wrong turn at the fallopian tube because these babies are huge! One of them even has a beard”. Ok, that was pretty sweaty. God, I hope Felicity, doesn’t read this post. Otherwise I can kiss my dreams of a book deal goodbye. I should really leave making babies, and making jokes about making babies, to the professionals.
I don’t know what’s the bigger news here: that Hilary Duff is knocked up, or that Jack Antonoff is the father! No, he only looks like Jack Antonoff. That’s Hilary’s boyfriend Matthew Koma, and today she announced she’s having a baby with him.
Hilary posted the above picture on Instagram of her and Matthew looking all lovey-dovey in what appears to be a Great Depression-era bowling alley. She captioned the picture:
“Guess what guys! @matthewkoma and I made a little princess of our own and we couldn’t be more excited!!!!!!”
Matthew shared the same photo, but added: “We made a baby girl! She will be as beautiful and sweet as her mother.” The news comes just one day after Hilary congratulated her sister Haylie Duff on the birth of a second daughter, Lulu. This will be Hilary and Matthew’s first baby together. She already has a 6-year-old son named Luca that she shares with her ex-husband Mike Comrie. Hilary comes from one of those same-initial sibling families, and I kind of hope she carries on the tradition by giving her new baby girl an L name. Specifically, that she names it Lizzie, short of course for Lizziemaguire, and if she doesn’t do that, well then I’ll just lose all faith in humanity.
Hilary and Matthew have been together for about a year and a half with a short break-up about a year ago. One thing for sure is that Matthew is loyal. Matthew is the one who allegedly did not duke it out with her weed-smoking pain-in-the-ass neighbor a few weeks ago. That might explain why she was so pissed off about the weed? No smell is able to terrorize your nose worse than the smell of something you can’t have.
When Pippa Middleton went to Prince Harry’s wedding last month, you wouldn’t think anything was really that off about her. Maybe that goofy little British hat that looks like wadded-up toilet paper, or that dress that looks like it was designed by the makes of Arizona Green Tea. As it turns out, something was out of the ordinary, and it was that she’s pregnant. Meghan Markle should really send Pippa a hand-written thank-you card for not wearing a tight bump-revealing dress to the wedding. Pippa’s round parts already stole the show at one royal wedding, it was kind of her not to do it a second time.
The baby that Jeremy Meeks made with Topshop heiress Chloe Green has been born. E! News reports that after almost a year together, 34-year-old Jeremy and 27-year-old Chloe are now the parents to a little boy. Chloe made the announcement on Instagram yesterday, and it turns out that their son Jayden Meeks-Green was actually born a week ago on May 29th. I’m guessing it took them so long to release the first picture because Jeremy’s hands were too busy pumping his fists in the air like a lottery winner.
Jeremy posted the same picture with pretty much the same caption.
This is Chloe’s first child, and Jeremy’s second. He shares a son with his estranged wife Melissa Meeks, as well as two children from Melissa’s previous relationship that he considered his step-children. It was rumored Jeremy and Chloe were going to get shotgun married back in April, but that plan was probably dashed the second Jeremy remembered he wasn’t yet technically divorced from Melissa. But he is now.
Neither Jeremy nor Chloe ever commented on her pregnancy, and that Instagram request for privacy would lead me to believe that they still aren’t about to say much. They’re probably not saying anything because they’re too busy making calls to baby modeling agents, and they’re not showing a picture of Jayden’s face because they’re saving it for his big debut in a European diaper commercial. There’s no way Jeremy didn’t pass on his Blue Steel look to his spawn.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not a 54-year-old woman (technically, I’m a 66-year-old child-hating spinster named Gladys on the inside), but my guess is that many 54-year-old women would not want to be spending their days letting out pregnancy farts while putting a cold compress on their swollen hooves. Not to mention that many 54-year-old women may not want to have to pull their carcasses out of bed when their newborn baby starts hollering in the middle of the night. But I guess Brigitte Nielsen isn’t like most 54-year-old women, because that elegant Danish pussy willow is pregnant and loving it.
It was only six years ago when Gitte was down and out, getting papped with a bottle of Popov while lying down on the grass in a park in Studio City, CA. But now she’s healthier and basking in the Instagram filer glow as she poses with the unborn baby or babies growing in her body. Gitte posted that picture above with this caption:
family getting larger #me #family #brigittenielsen #babybump
Gitte is currently married to her fifth husband, 39-year-old Mattia Dessi. They’ve been married since 2006. She has four sons: 34-year-old Julian Winding, 28-year-old Killian Marcus Nielsen, 25-year-old Douglas Aaron Meyer, and 23-year-old Raoul Ayrton Meyer Jr.
Gitte posted another picture, this one features a dog who may or may not be sniffing for those Activia-scented pregnancy farts.
As People points out, Gitte said ten years ago that she wanted a little bundle of human slobber running around her, and so she and Mattia were going to try IVF. I guess it worked. Congrats to Gitte, I hope she’s looking at possible baby names on that iPad, and I also hope that the only possible baby name on that iPad is Foofy Foofy Jr. It’s only right for her to honor her greatest love.
It’s been less than a week since Chrissy Teigen and John Legend’s loin fruit was delivered. That was just enough time for them to wipe the birth gunk off his face and give him a name. Now, little Miles Theodore Stephens is ready for his closeup! Chrissy posted a picture of the newborn on Instagram yesterday and he probably already has a book deal.