Why would you do this to a poor defenseless infant? Supernatural star and Tumblr moistener Jensen Ackles revealed that his family has grown on Instagram yesterday. His wife Daneel Harris Ackles gave birth to twins on Friday night. The twins were given effed up names. Are you ready?
I screamed “WHAT!” in all-caps too, but then I realized that well, if Jeremy Renner can knock a trick up…
Crispy Ronaldo’s ex and Bradley Cooper’s current piece Irina Shayk walked the runway at tonight’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Paris, and she tried to distract eyeballs from her teeny tiny bump area by wearing a lace garter belt, a silk trench robe thing and red sparkly fringe. Shortly after Irina sashayed down the runway looking like she’s got a touch of the CASE OF THE BABIES, E! News magically put up a story about how she’s pregnant with the master manipulator’s baby. Irina and B. Coop have been a thing since around April 2015.
According to one insider, the pregnant star is in her second trimester and is “so excited” about becoming a mother for the very first time. Bradley’s rep did not respond to requests for comment on the happy news, however, Irina’s rep had no comment.
Irina managed to snatch the spotlight from the Trifecta of Dead Eyes (Gigi Hadid, Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner) and the other Victoria’s Secret models, so after I slow clap for her for getting that baby bonus money, I’m going to slow clap for her getting all of the attention tonight. But really, I’m sure Bradley Cooper is going to make a wonderful father. We all saw how gentle he was with the real star of American Sniper.
And if 2017 wants to distance itself from 2016 and give us petty bitches a gift, then B. Coop and Irina will name their child Victor Garber Cooper-Shayk if it’s a boy and Victoria Garber Cooper-Shayk if it’s a girl. Give this to us, petty gods, please!
When we heard from Amanda Seyfried and her now fiancé Thomas Sadoski these two back in March, there was a lot of pearl clutching amid speculations that Amanda and Thomas may have been up to some unseemly homewrecker antics. (In Hollywood? I know!) They met while they were working together in an off-Broadway show. Thanks to a moment of completely unplanned serendipity they both happened to pull the plug on their relationships around the same time and found themselves totally free to do each other. And now they’re going to be parents!
Well, regardless of a fishy divorce/shacking up timeline, these two are pressing on and now they’re engaged ~and~ she’s pregnant. People is reporting that Amanda announced her pregnancy during a fragrance launch for Givenchy last night.
— People Babies (@PEOPLEbabies) November 30, 2016
It was nice of her to give this perfume debut a little newsworthiness, but Amanda probably could have skipped the announcement altogether. In the span of six(ish) months these two went from are they? to oh they are to let’s make it official so if you didn’t see this little bundle of headlines was in the works, well, that’s on you. These two are not here to dilly dally! Personally, I’m setting my alarm on these two for June. I’ll tune in again when the dreaded “baby bump” talk has subsided.
The vocal cords of the Directioners just barely fully healed from hollering out screams of rage over Louis Tomlinson knocking up a trick, and now their vocal cords are going to get jacked up again, because another yodeling One Direction twink is going to be a daddy.
Cheryl Ann Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini (who is just going by Cheryl now, Cheryl Tiegs is not amused) and Liam Payne first met when he was just 14 and she was 24. He auditioned for The X-Factor and she was a judge at the time. They are the Celine Dion and Renee Angélil of their time. Cheryl and Liam started doing each other full-time earlier this year, and a few months ago, it was first rumored that his 23-year-old dick shot out the jizz load that knocked her 33-year-old ass up. And at the St. James Christmas Carol Concert in London tonight, Cheryl pretty much 100% confirmed that she’s got a One Direction baby growing in her womb when she showed up looking like a baby is growing in her womb. A source (aka an intern with eyes that can see) tells E! News that Cheryl is pregnant and in her second trimester.
This baby will be the first for both Cheryl and Liam, who was a baby himself about 10 minutes ago.
So I guess, Cheryl from Girls Aloud making a baby with Liam from One Direction is the modern-day equivalent of one of the Backstreet Boys knocking up one of the Spice Girls? Naw, the news of a Backstreet Spice Baby would’ve cracked the earth in two. And hopefully when Cheryl gives birth, the nurse will gently whisper this into the baby’s ear: “Whatever you do, don’t look at your mom’s back. Spare your young, innocent eyes from the pain, child!”
Well well well. Looks like England’s #1 Cool Mum is about to piss off twice as many neighborhood parents with her relaxed approach to adulthood, because there might be another Adele Jr. on the way. TMZ reports that at last night’s concert in Phoenix, Adele made some allusions to popping out another little barf gremlin. Frankly I watched the video, and I don’t know about all that, so I’ll ask you to check it out for yourselves.
It actually sounds like she says, “Take me down. I’m gonna go have another baby.” Which, I mean, gross, but also thanks for keeping that shit to yourself until the last possible moment. Unfortunately, I think this means we’re in for about 18 more months of “baby bump” watches and checking to see whether our notoriously former-drunk yodeler is nippin’ any sips off the plonk, guv’nah.
It could be the terrible sound quality or the fact that my ears are clogged up with about 15 years of weed smoke, but it sounds more like she said she was off to go “make another baby.” Big deal! I’m getting less of a “family planning” vibe from that and more of a “horned up mom with a spare hour on the tour bus” signal. But speaking from personal experience, I can say that leaving a social obligation with “I’m gonna go make another baby” – especially if you don’t already have children – is a quick and easy way to escape while letting everyone know you’re about to get your fuck on. Adele gets it.
I might need to book an appointment with a memory specialist, because I could have sworn I had just written about Kelsey Grammer’s sixth kid. But that was two years ago, and in that time, one of Fraiser’s 61-year-old sperms got up into his 36-year-old wife Kayte Grammer’s business and successfully knocked her up. Kelsey’s rep confirmed to Entertainment Tonight that their third child (and his seventh) was born on Monday. If only we were all lucky enough to hear Kelsey Grammer’s liquid Xanax voice when we emerged from the womb.
Kelsey’s latest kid is a 7lb boy named Auden James Ellis Grammer. ET says Auden James Ellis, who will go by James, was named after poet W.H. Auden, James Taylor, and Kayte’s great-grandfather. Kelsey’s rep says they’re all “doing great.” Baby James Grammer joins a 4-year-old sister Faith, a 2-year-old brother Kelsey Jr., and four half-brothers and sisters ranging in age from 33 to 12.
I know actors aren’t the characters they play, but damn if Kelsey Grammer isn’t turning out to be the exact opposite of Dr. Frasier Crane. If I had to picture Frasier at 61, the remainder of his hair would start falling out after watching his grown son Frederick spill vape refill liquid all over his acacia wood coffee table. Meanwhile, Kelsey at 61 is elbow-deep in diapers and Baby Mum-Mum rice crackers. Kelsey loves being a dad so much. I bet he wears those hemmed jean shorts from Costco and white New Balances and dreams of trading in his Mercedes C-Class for a teal-colored Dodge Caravan. Frasier Crane would be truly horrified.