“And don’t forget to have the help pour that sarsaparilla into an antique hand-hammered silver julep cup that’s been chilling in the ice box for several hours. If you’re going to toast my new lil’ chicken dumplin’, do it right.”
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are now one baby closer to receiving their official Breeders Club membership card in the mail. Sources have confirmed to People and UsWeekly that Blake gave birth to the baby that has already gotten closer to more couture dresses than most of us ever will in our entire lifetimes.
Blake reportedly gave birth in New York sometime this week. Other than that, no more information about Second Baby Reynolds is known. Blake gave birth to her daughter James Reynolds back in 2014, and we didn’t end up getting a name confirmation until months later. So it will probably be a long-ish time before we find out what Blake and Ryan named this new baby or see the first “You fucked up” pictures of Ryan carrying the new baby in sling around his waist like a fanny pack.
We do know that Blake and Ryan’s new baby has already had two visitors. UsWeekly says that Blake’s older sister Robyn Lively has swung by the hospital. What a truly blessed day that must have been for Baby Reynolds since that’s the day they found out their aunt is Teen Witch.
Page Six says that Blake’s Basic Squad Cheer Captain Taylor Swift has also visited the new baby. I wonder if Taylor brought along an infant modeling coach to make sure that Blake’s new baby knows how to smile through the second-hand embarrassment. “We don’t want another Reynolds to ruin one of Auntie Tay Tay’s perfect Instagram pictures, do we? No we don’t! No we don’t!”
It’s Babies of The Voice week, apparently. It was reported yesterday that Adam Levine’s wife Behati Prinsloo popped one out on Wednesday, and last night, everyone found out that Pharrell Williams and his wife Helen Lasichanh are going to be parents again.
People says that 43-year-old Pharrell and 36-year-old Helen showed up to the Chanel fragrance event in L.A., and it was pretty obvious from her bulgy stomach situation that she’s pregnant again. Pharrell and Helen already have a 7-year-old son named Rocket Ayer Williams.
Pharrell told Oprah two years ago that they chose to name their son “Rocket” because it represents something meant to go up or ascend. They take baby naming very seriously. I can’t wait to hear what they name this next one. If they’re committed to that “things that go up” theme, then my suggestion is Drop Zone. Because who wouldn’t want to be named after the most dangerous theme park ride?
At the very least, I just hope that when Helen gives birth, one of the first things they do is call up Anne Geddes and do a newborn photoshoot featuring Baby No. 2 sleeping in Papa Pharrell’s favorite hat.
Here are a few more pictures of Pharrell and Helen at that Chanel party. I don’t know what look Pharrell was going for with that problem pattern shirt and straw hat. But if it was “sleepy-in-the-face Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi High“, I’d say he nailed it.
Although I wouldn’t say he did it better. You can’t beat the original.
UsWeekly says that Adam Levine’s model wife Behati Prinsloo finally gave birth to their baby yesterday in California. UsWeekly doesn’t have many details. Like there’s no word on whether or not Baby Levine came out with a couple random tattoos that it got in the womb while it was waiting to be born (it does have its daddy’s DNA after all). Neither Adam nor Behati have confirmed they had a kid by Instagramming a picture of Baby Levine holding Behati’s finger or tweeting a shout-out to the baby wipe brand who dropped off the most cases of product. “Big ups 2 @Pampers for their mad poop-removal skills!”
I didn’t think she would, but Marion Cotillard has decided to drop a farté (that’s French for fart, right?) on the rumors that she boned Brad Pitt while shooting Allied and that she’s got a Pitt baby growing in her womb. Marion did confirm in an Instagram post that she’s knocked up, but said that the father of her second baby is her piece of 9 years Guillaume Canet. The Daily Mail said that Marion was “distressed” about the rumor, but she says she really doesn’t give one fuck and left a special note for the “haters.” Yes, today I learned that Oscar-winner Marion Cotillard uses the word “haters” and is serious when she uses it.
Catholic Mel Gibson once again summoned side-eyes from strict Catholic abuelitas everywhere by making a baby with a woman he isn’t married to. 60-year-old Mad Mel’s angry grizzly man jizz knocked up his 26-year-old equestrian vaulter/aspiring screenwriter girlfriend of 2 years Rosalind Ross. Rosalind will pop out the latest member of Mad Mel’s child army early next year. Mel’s rep confirmed the news to People. All of the 60-something people I know or have known want to spend their days burping themselves after their 6th beer and they don’t want to spend their days burping a baby. But a source tells People that Mad Mel can’t wait for his new baby to show up.
“Mel and Rose are so excited about the baby. Mel loves being a dad and he and Rose can’t wait to be parents together. The last two years have been some of his happiest years he’s ever had.”
Mad Mel has 7 kids with his ex-wife Robyn Moore, and as everyone knows, he has an almost-7-year-old daughter with Oksana Grigorieva. Mel’s oldest is 36. His knocked-up piece is younger than 5 of his 8 kids.
And before every family court judge in Los Angeles left for the weekend, they got together and took bets as to how long before Rosalind and Mad Mel are in one their court rooms fighting over child support money. They all probably bet around 6 months, but they’re hoping the answer is never, because they really don’t want to hear another recording of Mel scream-whining about how Rosalind needs to blow him as he pours gasoline on the floor.
In my mind, that’s Hilaria Baldwin’s birthin’ pose and as she does it, Alec Baldwin stands on the other side of the delivery room waiting to catch their latest bundle of baby. Also in my mind, those two pooches are bracing themselves for a possible double yoga fart-queef attack.
58-year-old Alec Baldwin became somebody’s father for the fourth time yesterday. People says that in NYC last night, Alec’s second wife, 32-year-old Hilaria Baldwin, gave birth to a baby boy who I’m sure is already doing the one-handed tree pose in a crib.