By the way, in my headline I’m referring to the beloved pooch in his hand, not the one on his head.
After Mickey Rourke had a cup of coffee with his Pomeranian named #1 (see: pictures below, you can tell that the lens-loving doggy called the paps), they hit the back alley pap stroll while making their way to their car. If anyone ever asks me what I want my future to look like, I’m going to show them this picture of Mickey and his fame whore fur ball. (I mean, look at how that pom is lighting up for the cameras.) Because living the life IS struttin’ around with a polyester slick-back granny wig on your head and a thirsty pom in your arm. I don’t know if Mickey doesn’t give one fuck or gives too many fucks, but I do know that he knows how to live.
Since we’re on the subject of dumb gold digging moves…
The love between award-winning gold digger Shawn King and Methuselah’s godfather Larry King almost ended 6 years ago when he shoved his hemipenis into her sister’s punane and she allegedly passed her wandering chocha to a Jersey Shore reject. But a month later, Shawn must have realized that nothing gives her the clit tingles like Larry busting a load of wet moth balls on her chichis and he must have decided that he really doesn’t want to tussle over his $144 million fortune in divorce court. Because they called off their divorce and all seemed well….until now.
Page Six, The National Enquirer, People and Radar claim that 56-year-old Shawn has been stepping out on 82-year-old Larry with a world-renowned speech therapist. You in danger, speech therapist! That speech therapist isn’t going to be able to speak when Larry slithers into his bed one night and gums his tongue off.
On Tuesday, Forbes released their annual list of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood and Jennifer Lawrence was on top for the second year in a row. JLaw reportedly made $46 million in movie deals and endorsements. Forbes released the list of the world’s highest-paid actors today, and joining JLaw on the top of the “I’m Getting Paid, Bitches!” pile is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. When The Rock isn’t starting maybe-fake fights with his co-stars on Instagram, he’s getting richer and richer. $18.5 million richer than JLaw in fact.
We found out yesterday that Jennifer Lopez had recently packed a duffel bag with Casper Smart’s things and once again told him his boy toy services were no longer needed. Sources claimed there was no drama to their breakup; simply that JLo and Casper’s relationship had come to a “natural end.” It was only a matter of time before we discovered what Casper did to mess up his kept man status, and it turns out it involved ditching JLo in the Hamptons for a UFC fight in Las Vegas.
The Amber Heard v. Johnny Depp divorce war finally came to an end over a week ago when they agreed on a $7 million settlement and she agreed to drop the domestic abuse case against him. As President Heather Mills walked toward Amber Heard to pin a gold shovel on her lapel and welcome her into The League of Extraordinary Gold Diggers, she let Elin know to turn around and walk the other way. Amber announced that she’s donating all $7 million of her settlement to charity. Amber said in a statement that she will give half to the ACLU (specifically to help victims of domestic violence) and the other half to the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. Johnny could’ve just sent that mountain of money to Amber and let her give the money to charity, but that would be too easy. Captain Halitosis McBracelets WILL have the last word.
I would not want to be a lamp or a dinner plate or a relative in Hope Solo’s house today. The possibility that this recent news has caused her to go all “Hope SMASH!” on the nearest breakable is pretty high. The New York Times says that Hope has been suspended for six months for the tantrum she threw in Rio after Team USA was eliminated from the Olympics by Team Sweden. Hope referred to Team Sweden as “a bunch of cowards.” U.S. Soccer didn’t think that was very sportsmanlike of her, and they’ve put her ass on the bench for six months as punishment.