Let’s all take a moment to put our hands together (or put your feet together if your hands are too busy fapping) and say a prayer of thanks for the fact that Charlie Hunnam lives in Los Angeles and not Paris. Because according to Natalie Portman, the Lanvin uniform-wearing police officers of France would immediately arrest and jail Charlie Hunnam for the sinful crime of wearing sloppy workout clothes and showing his knees like an uncouth peasant! (Side note about Natalie’s comments: I went to Paris in July, and surprisingly, they didn’t run me out of the city, so they’re obviously okay with temporary trash.)
Charlie did stuff in L.A. on Saturday as his armpit fur twirled in the wind and he worked a really hot pair of scrunched-up sweat capris. About two weeks ago, I posted a tip-moistening video of Charlie Hunnam doing The 22 Push-Up Challenge. Charlie didn’t only do it once. He’s done it 13 times so far and his friend has posted all of the videos of him doing it on Instagram. But I’m sure you already knew that, because I’m sure you bought a projector at Best Buy and projected Charlie’s push-up videos on your bedroom ceiling as you lay sprawled out naked on a tarp.
Pics: Pacific Coast News
If you were planning on spending the rest of your day skipping along higher planes of consciousness after doing shrooms laced with PCP, you’re in luck. You can save those PCP-kissed shrooms for another day, because a new Willow and Jaden Smith interview is out, and reading their words will make you feel like you’re slow dancing with L. Ron Hubbard to a P.M. Dawn song on the rings of Saturn. But just like shrooms laced with PCP, you may have to schedule in time to deal with the comedown.
Jaden is on Baz Luhrmann’s Netflix show The Get Down, and sure he could promote that, but instead, he and Willow promoted their *~thoughts~* on things. Pharrell Williams talked to the human form of a 90s ying and yang necklace for Interview Magazine, and just like their other interviews, it’s a PSA on what happens when you mix together two young minds, Scientology, not much parental guidance and a shit load of money.
If Kanye West’s recent semi-coherent ramble at the MTV VMAs is any indication, then Kanye West still has the mind of an ADHD hamster that just discovered what a mirror is. Since Kanye has an attention span of about 0.3 seconds, one would think he would have gotten bored of pulling at Taylor Swift’s metaphorical pigtails by now. But apparently Taylor is still someone he loves to talk about. He reminded us about their feud in his VMA speech, and he did it again backstage.
It’s Loin-Girding Time, Because Rick Perry Is Going To Thrust His Crotch On “Dancing With The Stars”
Unfortunately, your eyeballs will not get to take in the sight of Anthony Weiner doing the Samba to Ludacris’ “Sexting” while wearing sequined Jockey chonies, because it looks like the producers of Dancing with the Desperates were unable to work their casting magic and get him at the last minute. Instead, the politician slot has been filled by gay-hating, corn dog deep throating champion Rick Perry, who was the Governor of Texas for a long time and ran for president a couple of times. Chris Christie is weeping on Donald Trump’s Made in China shirt-covered chichis, because he’s the governor with moves like no other.
This morning, ABC burped up the names of famous (and famous-ish-esque) messes who will dance for a check and compete for that mirror ball trophy. As expected, Ryan Lochte’s Damage Control Tour is taking him to DWTS and joining him and Rick Perry will be Amber Rose, Marcia Brady and Vanilla Ice. As a lover of fuckery, I cannot wait for this train wreck to hit my TV screen.
It may look like Chris Brown is throwing the peace sign, but he’s actually throwing a sign at the photographers that says, “You bitches better not even think of looking at me funny or I’ll poke both of your eyes out.” So yeah, we should just assume that all the photographers taking his picture were women.
The sky is blue, water is water, a Duggar is pregnant, we’re mourning the loss of another legend and Fist Brown has allegedly struck again. It’s just another day in the life of being alive in 2016. TMZ says that the SWAT Team and the LAPD are at Chateau de Fisty in Tarzana, CA., because a woman called 911 and claimed that he threatened her with a gun. That sounds about right.