Cameron Diaz (44)
Trevor Jackson (20)
Bebe Rexha (27)
Johanna Braddy (29)
Ryan Ross (30)
Andy Roddick (34)
Gabriel Aubry (41)
Lisa Ling (43)
Frederique Van Der Wal (49)
Michael Michele (50)
Michael Chiklis (53)
Paul Oakenfold (53)
David Paymer (62)
Timothy Bottoms (65)
Lewis Black (68)
Peggy Lipton (70)
Elizabeth Ashley (77)
Warren Buffett (86)
Charlamagne Tha God told known donut terrorist and evil child Ariana Grande Latte not to “lick any pastries” at the MTV VMAs last night. Just for that, I bet that Girl Damien did lick and spit on every pastry that was backstage – Lainey Gossip
Joanna Krupa and Brandi Glanville are still legally fighting over Brandi calling Joanna a low-tide-smelling home wrecker – Reality Tea
Kim Zolciak’s husband got her an 11-carat diamond ring for their anniversary. That’s good news for the IRS, because they’ll have something else to seize when Kim and her man can’t pay their taxes after spending all their money on dumb shit – Celebitchy
I just spent way too much time (read: 3 seconds) trying to see if I can see Stella Maxwell’s nipple knobs through her dress – Egotastic!
Bella Thorne’s blurry nipples almost made an appearance on Snapchat – Drunken Stepfather
Some villain named Deathstroke is probably going to be the main bad dude in Ben Affleck’s Batman movie. Ugh, why is Lola Lasagne never the main villain in a Batman movie? – The Superficial
The United States may have won the most medals at the Olympics this year, but who cares about that! What makes me even more proud to be a citizen is knowing that many American dudes were down there trying to get Brazilian dick on Grindr – Towleroad
How is this not on GOOP? – Jezebel
Why hasn’t Jennifer Lopez won an Emmy for her accurate portrayal of an NYPD detective yet? I mean, every NYPD detective I’ve seen is constantly in full MAC counter makeup and glam hair – Popoholic
I hope Brit Brit Spears and Justin Timberlake collaborate on an all-denim fashion line – Popsugar
Seriously, David Blaine, who?! – Hollywood Tuna
This IS News: Taylor Swift is done with jury duty – Just Jared
Pretty Little Liars has been killed off after 7 seasons – HuffPo
Playgirl’s list of the 10 sexiest men of 1981 tells me that everyone in Playgirl’s office was coked up back then – Boy Culture
Joe Jonas took his top off for votes. Don’t get any ideas, Trump! – SOW
Paper Magazine and Kim Kartrashian covered our eyeballs with a thick greasy skid mark about a year and a half ago, and around 5 months ago, Kylie Jenner got her own terrifying cover, which made all of us reach for our rosaries. It was time for another member of that koven of fame whores (or in this case, a soon-to-be member) to take the cover. Surprisingly, Pimp Mama Kris didn’t try to outdo her hos by posing naked, greased-up and spread-eagled on the cover of September’s Paper. (That will probably be on the cover of Paper’s annual Unholy Issue in December.) Blac Chyna did the cover instead.
Comedy’s Central Roast of Rob Lowe, which filmed on Saturday and will air on Labor Day, starred a motley crew of random people. David Spade, Jeff Ross, Jewel (who worked with Rob on a TV show), Ralph Macchio, comedian Nikki Glaser, SNL’s Pete Davidson, Peyton Manning, Rob Riggle and Jimmy Carr all took turns roasting the asshole of the ex-member of the Brat Pack. Ann Coulter was also there and when it was announced that she was going to take part, I just knew that it would become The Shitting On Ann Coulter Scat Show. When you put Ann Coulter in a roast with a bunch of comedians, you should expect them to flame her until she turns to ash, and then piss and shit on her ashes, and then mold those ashes into an Ann Coulter statue so they can roast her some more. And they did!
Former HSOTD Baddie Winkle has come a long way! Just a couple of years ago, she was bestowing her wisdom on home wrecking, the good shit and being a slut to her growing number of disciples, and yesterday, she was the biggest star at the MTV VMAs. That last part was served without a sliver of sarcasm in it. She truly was the biggest star there. Fun fact: That carpet wasn’t white before Baddie stepped on it. As soon as she sashayed in, everyone busted bright white nuts all over the place.
When Baddie Winkle showed up to the VMAs in Britney’s Toxic catsuit and a Liberace-approved pimp cane, a few hating haters I follow on Twitter spewed out shit like, “Madonna is up to her old tricks again.” Well, I never! How dare they! Baddie Winkle is a true original and only she can work the hell out of a pimp cane and a jumpsuit that looks like it’s covered with a unicorn’s syphilis rash. Besides, Baddie’s look is more like, “Phyllis Diller after dropping acid with Miley Cyrus at a circus-themed rave on the outskirts of Las Vegas,” and that IS the look.
Here’s more of the hottest trick at the VMAs, and I also threw in a few pictures of my other favorite looks of the night including Ansel Elgort looking like a patient in the Hot Topic Insane Asylum and a goth mannequin they tell me is JWoww. Although, I am pretty sure it’s really a creation that Dr. Frankenstein made using the DNA of Kat Von D and Morticia Addams. It’s Morticia Von D!