Archives: August 2016

Alicia Keys Went SANS FARDS(ish) Again Last Night

August 29, 2016 / Posted by:

MTV was really taking a risk by having everyone walk into the VMAs on a white carpet instead of a red one. It was an award show shot in HD, which means it wasn’t a shock to see some people strolling in with their faces covered in a 1/4 inch thick layer of foundation, concealer, powder, the shadow from 6 Morphe eye palettes, 18oz of lipstick, and an entire bottle of setting spray. There’s no way MTV would have gotten their damage deposit back if someone like Kim Kardashian were to trip and land face-first on that carpet. If Kim left a makeup imprint of her face on that carpet, you know the first thing she would have done was had it sent to her mom’s house with a note that said: “Possible $$$ opportunity. Call the rug from Aladdin and set up a camera.

Thankfully MTV didn’t have to worry about any of that when Alicia Keys hit the white carpet, because her face was au naturel….kind of.

Huma Abedin Dumped Anthony Weiner After He Got Caught Bringing Their Son Into His Sexting Adventures

August 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Anthony Weiner’s sexting ways may have finally gotten him fucked again, and not in the way he wanted.

Nothing good has come from Anthony Weiner sending dick pics to tricks. Sexting with chicks who weren’t his wife cost him his congressman gig in 2011. Weiner tried to bring his dead political career back to life when he ran for mayor of New York City in 2013, but he proved that he was already Mayor of DumbFuckVille when a sad and tragic peen pic he sent to another trick was leaked. Weiner’s wife Huma Abedin stuck with him through all of that. One would think that maybe the pile of dried dingles in Weiner’s head would produce a clue and he’d retire Carlos Danger and quit sexting with women not named Huma Abedin, but nope. Carlos Danger has once again been caught getting into some sext-a-holic antics, and this time Huma has had enough. She has left him and all it took was a crotch picture with their son in it. “Gross” doesn’t even begin to describe…

Calvin Harris Didn’t Thank Taylor Swift During His VMAs Acceptance Speech

August 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Former TSB (Taylor Swift Boyfriend) Calvin Harris won the MTV VMA for Best Male Video last night for “This Is What You Came For“, which is kind of funny, considering the video for “This Is What You Came For” is pretty much a glorified photoshoot starring Rihanna. Calvin couldn’t be there to accept his award in person because he was in the UK performing a show. Calvin did film an acceptance speech and he thanked everyone but a certain media-manipulating folk art doll, that is.

“Hold It In, Don’t Poot. Don’t Poot. Oops! I Pooted….Again”

August 29, 2016 / Posted by:

The last time Britney Spears performed at the MTV VMAs was during her Pink Wig Days in 2007 and her “sad stripper falling asleep against the pole in a truck stop bathroom at 9:30 on a weekday morning” performance left everyone with chunky layer of WTF on their faces. But with help from Daddy Spears’ cheese grits-covered ladle, Brit Brit has come a long way and made her triumphant return to the VMAs last night!

Rihanna’s Biggest Fan Presented Her With The Video Vanguard Award At The VMAs

August 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Drake looks cool on the outside, but you know on the inside he’s thinking, “She just touched my hand! I’m never going to wash it ever again.

About three-quarters into the MTV VMAs last night, I started to get worried that Rihanna was never going to get that Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award they promised her. It felt like she just kept slinking on stage for more and more performances. Rihanna performed four medleys, which you can watch here. MTV let RiRi do whatever she wanted on stage, and she did. Sadly, she was denied a fifth performance that included RiRi smoking a giant joint while spraying her background dancers down with a fireman’s hose filled with champagne. But that’s probably because MTV needed to keep it moving and give her that moon man. Eventually she got her award, which of course was presented her by the President of the Rihanna Fan Club, Drake.


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