Warning: Do not stare at that picture too long. DMX is so damn fertile that if you keep your eyes on that pic long enough, you may find yourself squirting out the latest member of his ever-growing child army, and no, you won’t get a child support check out of it
Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have 19 kids and that might be it for them. But it looks like DMX’s weapon of mass procreation isn’t done shooting raw nuts at ovaries just yet and he may beat Jim Bob and Michelle’s record. 45-year-old DMX became somebody’s father for the 15th time (that he knows of) last Friday after his girlfriend Desiree Lindstrom gave birth to her first child and his latest in NYC. TMZ says that DMX and Desiree named their son Exodus Simmons (or as DMX is going to call him, “Um, which one are you again?“).
Don’t get too excited about the possibility of two tacky coat enthusiasts staying together; this story gets really messy. Last month, we learned that the 8 year marriage between Toni Braxton’s little sister Tamar Braxton and Vince Herbert may be done thanks to her alleged cheating ways. Today we learn that not only are they not getting divorced, but they’re actually in a good place, relationship-wise. At least according to Tamar and Vince, who are in no way doing damage control after a violent incident that may or may not have happened at an Atlanta hotel on Sunday.
Like a rainbow and a fully hard 8-inch dick, new pictures of Dolly Parton come across your eyes only once in a while, so when I saw these paparazzi pictures of her, I snatched them up real fast. Dolly was gracious enough to grace the lens of the paps with her glamour as she visited Fox & Friends in NYC today.
I was going to say that Dolly’s ensemble would look like a tacky mess on anyone other than her, but that is just not true. That ensemble by itself is still taste personified from those gummy peach earrings to that Chanel couture blazer to the naranja fishnet gloves to the gold heels on her feets. (I take back that Chanel comment. Kunty Karl could never create something that opulent.) It’s as if the style of the rich twin sisters and the hillbilly twin sisters from Big Business morphed into each other and then threw themselves onto Dolly’s body. Dolly is giving me “Peg Bundy’s long-lost rich Southern sister.”
Add these pictures to the list of reasons for why American Vogue is no longer an authority in high fashion. I mean, someone like Kendull Jenner is on the cover of Vogue and a true American fashion icon and vanguard like Dolly hasn’t ever gotten the cover. How can Anna Wintour sleep
at night in her coffin during the day?
When we last left the too-much-testosterone, chest-puffing fight between Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel, The Rock made a big show on Instagram of thanking everyone he worked with on Fast 8. Everyone except for candy ass Vin Regular Gasoline, that is! It was not exactly a smart thing to do when Vin Diesel had just threatened to expose The Rock. But it sounds like Vin Diesel has decided to stop the pettiness and be the bigger man. Not literally, of course; I’m pretty sure science would have to discover a mutated strain of HGH for either of them to get any bigger.
Thanks to her mutated pumpkin wart of a husband running for president, everyone is passing a fine-tooth comb through Melania Trump’s past. The exquisitely-crafted Slovenian crystal orchid has been accused of lying under oath about getting a bachelor’s degree (which she probably doesn’t have) and some think that she may have come into the U.S. illegally at one point. But there is one story that Melania Trump is really not having and that’s a story that implies she may have once worked as a 25 karat-covered pussy peddler.