Paper Magazine and Kim Kartrashian covered our eyeballs with a thick greasy skid mark about a year and a half ago, and around 5 months ago, Kylie Jenner got her own terrifying cover, which made all of us reach for our rosaries. It was time for another member of that koven of fame whores (or in this case, a soon-to-be member) to take the cover. Surprisingly, Pimp Mama Kris didn’t try to outdo her hos by posing naked, greased-up and spread-eagled on the cover of September’s Paper. (That will probably be on the cover of Paper’s annual Unholy Issue in December.) Blac Chyna did the cover instead.
Comedy’s Central Roast of Rob Lowe, which filmed on Saturday and will air on Labor Day, starred a motley crew of random people. David Spade, Jeff Ross, Jewel (who worked with Rob on a TV show), Ralph Macchio, comedian Nikki Glaser, SNL’s Pete Davidson, Peyton Manning, Rob Riggle and Jimmy Carr all took turns roasting the asshole of the ex-member of the Brat Pack. Ann Coulter was also there and when it was announced that she was going to take part, I just knew that it would become The Shitting On Ann Coulter Scat Show. When you put Ann Coulter in a roast with a bunch of comedians, you should expect them to flame her until she turns to ash, and then piss and shit on her ashes, and then mold those ashes into an Ann Coulter statue so they can roast her some more. And they did!
Former HSOTD Baddie Winkle has come a long way! Just a couple of years ago, she was bestowing her wisdom on home wrecking, the good shit and being a slut to her growing number of disciples, and yesterday, she was the biggest star at the MTV VMAs. That last part was served without a sliver of sarcasm in it. She truly was the biggest star there. Fun fact: That carpet wasn’t white before Baddie stepped on it. As soon as she sashayed in, everyone busted bright white nuts all over the place.
When Baddie Winkle showed up to the VMAs in Britney’s Toxic catsuit and a Liberace-approved pimp cane, a few hating haters I follow on Twitter spewed out shit like, “Madonna is up to her old tricks again.” Well, I never! How dare they! Baddie Winkle is a true original and only she can work the hell out of a pimp cane and a jumpsuit that looks like it’s covered with a unicorn’s syphilis rash. Besides, Baddie’s look is more like, “Phyllis Diller after dropping acid with Miley Cyrus at a circus-themed rave on the outskirts of Las Vegas,” and that IS the look.
Here’s more of the hottest trick at the VMAs, and I also threw in a few pictures of my other favorite looks of the night including Ansel Elgort looking like a patient in the Hot Topic Insane Asylum and a goth mannequin they tell me is JWoww. Although, I am pretty sure it’s really a creation that Dr. Frankenstein made using the DNA of Kat Von D and Morticia Addams. It’s Morticia Von D!
I know it’s redundant of me to even ask, because we all know that Sue Ellen Mischke from Seinfeld has, is, and forever will always work the bra-under-a-blazer look the best. But Amber Rose is coming in a very close second. We all know that Amber Rose has a habit of bringing ten tons of jaw-dropping eleganza to the MTV VMAs. Sometimes she goes straight-up stripper, other times she keeps it a little more demure. This year she went tasteful and sophisticated with just a hint of “Oh, these?”
Yesterday 2016 took Juan Gabriel, and today we learn that it has taken another legend, Gene Wilder. At this point, everyone should take a carton of protein bars and a gallon jug of vodka to a cave and hibernate until it’s 2017. Because 2016 keeps finding the terrible ways to prove that it’s the worst. The producers of the Oscars are going to have to give the sad In Memoriam section its own 3-part series.
Gene Wilder’s nephew Jordan Walker-Pearlman confirmed the heart-hurting news to The Associated Press. Gene reunited with Gilda Radner in the after life on Sunday night when he died at his home in Stamford, Connecticut as a result of complications from Alzheimer’s Disease. He was 83. Jordan said in a statement to Variety that Gene was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s three years ago, but decided to keep it private because he didn’t want to disappoint any of his fans. 🙁
“We understand for all the emotional and physical challenges this situation presented we have been among the lucky ones — this illness-pirate, unlike in so many cases, never stole his ability to recognize those that were closest to him, nor took command of his central-gentle-life affirming core personality. The decision to wait until this time to disclose his condition wasn’t vanity, but more so that the countless young children that would smile or call out to him, ‘there’s Willy Wonka,’ would not have to be then exposed to an adult referencing illness or trouble and causing delight to travel to worry, disappointment or confusion. He simply couldn’t bear the idea of one less smile in the world.
He continued to enjoy art, music, and kissing with his leading lady of the last twenty-five years, Karen. He danced down a church aisle at a wedding as parent of the groom and ring bearer, held countless afternoon movie western marathons and delighted in the the company of beloved ones.”
Gene Wilder could never disappoint. The only way he’d disappoint is if he was okay with that CGI’d diarrhea puddle of a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory remake, which he wasn’t.
On top of being the only Willy Wonka who matters, Gene was also in a bunch of other classics like Blazing Saddles, The Producers, Young Frankenstein, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, The Woman in Red, The Frisco Kid, Stir Crazy and Silver Streak. Mel Brooks tweeted this about his frequent golden-haired collaborator:
Gene Wilder-One of the truly great talents of our time. He blessed every film we did with his magic & he blessed me with his friendship.
— Mel Brooks (@MelBrooks) August 29, 2016
Rest in peace, Gene Wilder.