There was much rejoicing yesterday after it was announced that the next legend to get Lifetime’s sloppy budget biopic treatment was Miss Britney Jean Spears. I was so happy, I ran to the corner store and christened the great news with a bottle of Tim Horton’s Iced Capp (they were all out of bottled Starbucks Frappucinno).
As it turns out, there was one person who wasn’t celebrating. No, not a jealous Christina Aguilera. It was Britney herself. Entertainment Weekly says that Britney’s rep released a statement saying that Britney doesn’t want anything to do with it “in any way, shape or form“, and that Lifetime doesn’t have her blessing. Kevin Federline, on the other hand, has no doubt sent them his blessing stapled to a current resume. “Yo, holla at ya boi KFed if you need a production assistant!”
The last time Lifetime announced they were making a biopic about a Brittany, they received a lawsuit from Brittany Murphy’s daddy. Who knows if Britney will also send a lawsuit their way. I can picture Lifetime receiving it now. “What the…? Is this a brand-new men’s business suit? Oh Britney.”
All of Lifetimes biopics have been unauthorized, so it’s not a surprise that Britney doesn’t want to be associated with it. But the best way for Britney to make sure her story gets told in a tasteful and accurate way is for her to make her own biopic. As much as I want to see Lifetime’s Britney, I want to see Britney’s Britney more. If Hollywood is listening, please please please give Britney Spears a $100 million budget and a director’s chair to make her own epic film. Forget another Ben-Hur, I want to see Brit-Ney.
Frances Bean Cobain’s husband of 21 months Isaiah Silva, seen above looking like he mutters about “Helter Skelter” a lot, is already trying to keep a guitar that belonged to her dad Kurt Cobain, and now he’s put his gear in full gold digger mode and is going all the way. People reports that Isaiah filed court documents demanding that Frances Bean make out a $25,000 check to him every single month for spousal support. Isaiah is claiming that he needs all that money to take care of his 7-year-old daughter from another relationship, and that Frances Bean coldly abandoned them, leaving them with nothing! If Isaiah doesn’t sadly shuffle into the court room with dirt on his face while singing “Where Is Love?” from Oliver!, I will totally be disappointed in his game.
Yesterday a living skid mark (or living skid marks) had hacked Leslie Jones’ personal website and released a bunch of her personal information, as well as some racism. Shortly after it happened, I swung by Twitter and noticed two things. One, that the hashtag “#IStandWithLeslie” was trending. And two, that a lot of people were scratching their heads and wondering if the powers that be would track down who’s responsible. According to TMZ, both the FBI and Homeland Security have gotten involved.
By the way, in my headline I’m referring to the beloved pooch in his hand, not the one on his head.
After Mickey Rourke had a cup of coffee with his Pomeranian named #1 (see: pictures below, you can tell that the lens-loving doggy called the paps), they hit the back alley pap stroll while making their way to their car. If anyone ever asks me what I want my future to look like, I’m going to show them this picture of Mickey and his fame whore fur ball. (I mean, look at how that pom is lighting up for the cameras.) Because living the life IS struttin’ around with a polyester slick-back granny wig on your head and a thirsty pom in your arm. I don’t know if Mickey doesn’t give one fuck or gives too many fucks, but I do know that he knows how to live.
Since we’re on the subject of dumb gold digging moves…
The love between award-winning gold digger Shawn King and Methuselah’s godfather Larry King almost ended 6 years ago when he shoved his hemipenis into her sister’s punane and she allegedly passed her wandering chocha to a Jersey Shore reject. But a month later, Shawn must have realized that nothing gives her the clit tingles like Larry busting a load of wet moth balls on her chichis and he must have decided that he really doesn’t want to tussle over his $144 million fortune in divorce court. Because they called off their divorce and all seemed well….until now.
Page Six, The National Enquirer, People and Radar claim that 56-year-old Shawn has been stepping out on 82-year-old Larry with a world-renowned speech therapist. You in danger, speech therapist! That speech therapist isn’t going to be able to speak when Larry slithers into his bed one night and gums his tongue off.