Calvin Harris used his manager’s birthday as a reason to post a picture of his half-naked body on Instagram. Yes, that move is desperate and his thirsty ass should take a sip from the water bottle he used to stuff his undies, but I am not complaining – Popsugar
What Nate Parker really wants to say is, “Okay, what do I have to say for you to forget those rape allegations and go see my movie?” – Lainey Gossip
Hmmm…I would try to figure out what Brit Brit Spears has on her body, but I’m too busy wishing I could put my mouth on that ice cream – Drunken Stepfather
The Bachelor continues to show how important diversity is to them by casting different shades of white men – Reality Tea
If Kanye West picked this whorrendously busted ensemble, then he found the perfect outfit that says, “I hate you Kim” – Egotastic
James Corden wishes there was more fat love in rom-coms – Celebitchy
Either Ryan Lochte just made a warm poopy burp in his Underoos or he’s trying to remember Cheryl Burke’s name just in case one of the adults asks him on camera – The Superficial
Oh God, Auntie Hilaria’s moves are rubbing off on Hailey Baldwin – Hollywood Tuna
Did I just press my eyeballs against the screen to get a better view of Tony Goldwyn’s blurry peen? Yes I did! – OMG Blog
Ariel Winter and coochie cutters have reunited – The Nip Slip
“Hey all, sorry I’m late, I rushed right over from my other job as a hostess at a Star Trek-themed restaurant.” – Popoholic
Since Mark Ruffalo suggested Matt Boner for the role of a transgender woman in a movie, he wants to talk to the trans community about their disappointment with the casting – Towleroad
Hope Solo’s professional soccer career is probably done – WWTDD
Hey, you may as well live it up if you’re going to risk going to prison for life by smuggling millions worth of cocaine (aka a week supply for Charlie Sheen) – Starcasm
Okay, but why did Just Jared use a picture of Megan Fox in a post about Kim Kartrashian? – Just Jared
The only tell-all from a Rivera I want is one from Chita Rivera, but Naya Rivera wrote her memoir. To sell it, her publisher pushed out a couple of excerpts about how she got an abortion on her day off from Glee and how she struggled with anorexia during her teenage years. But it’s not all seriousness in Naya’s book. She also writes a love letter to the Tupperware party in her chest.
August is usually the month people set their brains to “Fuck it, it’s summer” and do the bare minimum required to keep the train rolling. But not at Forbes magazine. They have been busy adding up the dollars made by famous people last year.
Last week we learned that for the second year in a row Forbes named Jennifer Lawrence the highest-paid actress in the world, and that The Rock was the highest-paid actor. Forbes released another list of super rich people, and this time it’s the world’s highest-paid models of 2016. If your bank account crawled into a corner and cried after seeing how much money JLaw and The Rock made for playing pretend, well, you better go set up a nice blanket in its favorite corner. Because Gisele Bundchen also made a whole lot of money.
And in a surprising PLOT TWIST, the lady getting all shanti shanti on a plane was not Namalookatme Master Hilaria Baldwin. Not this time, anyway.
Flying is hard and some of us deal with it by chanting the ancient mantra, “Um, excuse me, but can I have some wine and please keep them coming,” before going into a deep meditation that involves blasting songs by Seduction into our ears through headphones while watching porn on an iPad under a blanket. But others deal with the mile high struggle other ways, like this lady who busted out a mini yoga class on a short flight from Los Angeles to Cabo. You probably already looked at those screen shots and said, “If that’s not Hilaria Baldwin, then she’s a definitely a Californian.”
Chris Brown started his day yesterday by saying, “Fuck the police,” on Instagram after he was accused of pointing a gun at a woman, and his day ended with the police saying, “No, fuck YOU,” to him after taking his $250,000 bail money. The Los Angeles Times says that Chris bailed out of the Los Angeles County Jail at 11:15 last night. He has to show up to a hearing on September 20. Fisty was booked on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, which is a felony, for allegedly threatening a chick with a gun at his house in Tarzana early yesterday morning. Chris swears that he’s innocent and that he couldn’t have waved a gun at a woman, because he was asleep. Maybe Fisty was asleep. Some tricks walk in their sleep, maybe Chris Brown pulls guns on women in his sleep. It’s very possible.
Good celebrity peen pics are about as rare as a day that doesn’t end with you weeping at the bottom of a hot shower while clutching a vino sippy cup full of Barefoot white zin. (What? Just me?) So many of us peen pic dilettantes (yes, I have a Word of the Day calendar) appreciated when Orlando Bloom made the brave decision to go naked paddle boarding and risk a sea creature trying to get at his dangling dick after mistaking it for a marine spoon worm. But there’s one person who thinks that Orlando made a stupid decision and that someone is his ex-wife/mother of his kid, Miranda Kerr. Put your kewpie doll lips together, Miranda, and keep them shut! Nobody asked you for your opinion! Okay, actually someone did ask.