Archives: August 2016

I Hope The Execs At MTV Like Shit Ratings, Because Taylor Swift Is Not Going To The VMAs!

August 26, 2016 / Posted by:

“Oh God, don’t look now, but I think Alfalfa Sprout of Sunnybrook Farm is trying to look sexy for the paps again… My heart can’t take anymore secondhand embarrassment” is what that dude behind her is thinking to himself, obviously.

Taylor Swift reportedly didn’t submit herself for any MTV VMA nominations and so she didn’t get any. There’s really no reason for her to go to the VMAs this Sunday in NYC, but since she’s one to never miss out on an opportunity to trend on Twitter, I figured she’d show up with a boysenberry-scented lawsuit to throw at those diabolical villains Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian. But a source “exclusively” confirms to People that even though Taylor is in NYC right now, she’s sitting out the VMAs this year. Uh huh… I’m really sure she’s going to sit this one out.

Mark This Day: Brit Brit Spears Actually Sang Live (For A Second)

August 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Britney Spears’ new album Glory (Hole) is out today, and to promote it, her team pushed her into a locked moving metal box and forced her to uncomfortably sit while listening to the English Jimmy Fallon yodel out her songs. Brit’s team obviously doesn’t think she’s been through enough.

If you really don’t know the words to Brit Brit’s songs, you’re not alone. It doesn’t seem like she really does either. During James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke bit on The Late Late Show, which aired last night, they went through some of her hits and his vocal cords produced actual musical notes while she just sort of mouthed along…. BUT, for a second or two, my ears did take in the sound of Brit Brit singing live! If vocal cords had brains, Brit Brit’s would think to themselves, “Heh? What’s going on?

Natalie Portman Is Happy To Be Back In A Country Where People Smile

August 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Two years ago, Natalie Portman packed up her bags and fled the uncultured fanny pack-wearing Dew-chugging slobs of America for the chic je ne sais quoi-ness of Paris. Every time Natalie has spoken about Paris, she made it sound like she was living in a Chanel No. 5 commercial. Everyone’s fancy! The children are gorgeous! People go to museums instead of monster truck rallies! Natalie has since moved back to Los Angeles and earlier this week, she gushed over how “fun” it is to be once again living in a place that isn’t full of fancy people judging your sloppy clothing choices. And last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, she said that it’s “so nice” that people smile in Los Angeles. Hmmm…that might explain why Grumpy Cat was recently in Paris; she was just visiting her people.

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Woody Allen Calls Ronan Farrow’s Op-Ed Piece “Tabloid Stupidity”

August 26, 2016 / Posted by:

When Woody Allen was promoting Cafe Society at Cannes back in May, The Hollywood Reporter published an op-ed piece by his son Ronan Farrow in which he shat on Hollywood for celebrating and throwing money at the alleged pedo prune. Ronan brought up the allegations that were made by his sister Dylan Farrow and called out a few of the stars of Cafe Society, like Blake Lively and Kristen Stewart, for working with Woody. After it was published, Woody told Variety that he didn’t read it and sort of shrugged it off like it was a bad review. Fast forward to three months later, and Woody is talking about it again.

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