Category: Shock And Surprise
Caitlyn Jenner Is Sad That Her Pal Trump Let Her Community Down
We’ve all heard the news that Trump made like the Walmart smiley and rolled humanity back by banning transgender soldiers from the military. Since we’re talking Trump and transgender issues, of course it was only a matter of time before Trump’s only trans cheerleader Caitlyn Jenner piped up with her thoughts on the matter.
Mika Brzezinski And Joe Scarborough Said That Trump Used The National Enquirer As A Weapon Against Them
Morning Joe co-hosts, Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, were supposed to have today off for the long Fourth of July weekend, but they put their vacation off after the Overlord of the United States did what many respectable presidents have done before him: he dragged the looks of a news anchor on Twitter. I mean, we all learned in U.S. history class about the moment when George Washington took to the town square (the Twitter of its time) to talk about how the town crier got a shit face-lift. In an op-ed piece for the Washington Post and on Morning Joe, Mika and Joe responded to Trump saying that they’re both crazy and that he saw her at his New Year’s party and “she was she was bleeding badly from a face-lift.”
Barry Manilow Has Come Out As Gay
If you’ve got an elderly Fanilow in your life who never had a Gaydar™ installed in her body and thinks that your gay uncle’s longtime partner is his “roommate,” you may want to crouch in front of her while holding a catcher’s mitt as you tell her this earth-shattering news. Because this bombshell news may cause her heart to shoot out of her chest and you’ll need to catch before it hits the wall.
Big Damn Deal, YOU Were Time’s “Person Of The Year” Way Before Jabba The Trump Was
I mean, remember this:
And that was all the way back in 2006! So to quote the flambéed Ghoulie, “You, as in us, were Time’s Person of the Year when Time was highly relevant and at the top of its game. And now Jabba the Trump is getting our sloppy seconds. SAD!”
Lindsay Lohan Conjured Up A Fake Baby To Get Revenge On Her Russian Piece
Oh, to be a fly on the wall at InTouch Weekly’s offices when the editors got the e-mail confirming that Lindsay Lohan is not pregnant just as they were about to hand Michael Lohan a money order in exchange for exclusive and real ultrasound scans of his knocked up daughter’s fetus.
Proving once again that Michael Lohan spews enough bullshit to keep Home Depot’s manure section fully stocked for decades, Dina Lohan confirms to TMZ that LiLo is not going to pussy burp out a giant freckle with a Russian accent in a few months, because she was never pregnant. LiLo was the first to start the pregnancy rumors by tweeting (and then deleting) about how she was knocked up. Michael Lohan later claimed that LiLo told him in a text that he’s going to be somebody’s grandpappy , but her friend Hofit Golan basically said to not listen to him. Well, Hofit was right, because it turns out that LiLo’s pregnancy was all just a regular Lohan-brand lie.
Love It And List It? More Like “Hate It And Suing You!”
Deena Murphy and Timothy Sullivan (the ones on the right who are dressed like Mary Kay regional managers) have thrown a lawsuit at the production company behind HGTV’s Love It Or List It for doing a renovation that was as bad as the acting skills on that show. Deena and Timothy claim that the show, brace yourself, is fake and it’s so fake that the load bearing beam that was installed in their house was actually just a long cardboard box that was filled with rocks and covered in faux wood grain paint. No, but they did say in so many words that a 4-year-old with a Playskool toolbox could’ve done a better job with the renovations.