Big Damn Deal, YOU Were Time’s “Person Of The Year” Way Before Jabba The Trump Was

December 7, 2016 / Posted by:

I mean, remember this:


And that was all the way back in 2006! So to quote the flambéed Ghoulie, “You, as in us, were Time’s Person of the Year when Time was highly relevant and at the top of its game. And now Jabba the Trump is getting our sloppy seconds. SAD!

Time’s Person of the Year issue will temporarily replace toilet paper and Baby Wipes as many people’s dirty butthole wiper of choice and that’s because Donald Trump is on the cover. Time’s Managing Editor Nancy Gibbs said on Today this morning that this year’s pick was an easy one, because their Person of the Year is always someone who had the  “greatest influence, for better or for worse, on the events of the year” and that someone was obviously Trump. Hitler and Stalin have both been Time’s Person of the Year, so it’s not an exactly an honor, but Trump thinks that it is.

When Angela Merkel was named Time’s Person of the Year last year, Time was the worst magazine in the world to Trump and they should’ve changed their name to Our TIME Is Running Out Because We’ll Be Dead Soon Magazine. But this year, Time is the greatest literary journal that ever was (after Trump Magazine, of course) and he told Matt Lauer on Today this morning that it’s a “tremendous honor.” Trump doesn’t totally love the cover, though. Someone who can read must’ve told Trump that they called him the “President of the Divided States of America” and he doesn’t appreciate that.

“When you say ‘divided states of America,’ I didn’t divide them. They’re divided now, there’s a lot of division. And we’re going to put it back together.”

But whatever, that isn’t going to stop Trump from rolling up Time’s Person of the Year issue and doing it good. Melania Trump better reach for her mink ear plugs, because toad groans of ecstasy will be coming from Trump’s bedroom all week long.

And really, after this black cloud of a year, the Grim Reaper should’ve been Time’s Person of the Year. The Grim Reaper was robbed!

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