Category: R. Kelly
Lady Gaga Is Reissuing Her 2013 Album “Artpop” Minus That R. Kelly Track
I know Lady Gaga really wishes we’d all forget about her infamous collaboration with the currently incarcerated “alleged” alleged pedophile Robert Sylvester Kelly. According to Rolling Stone, Gaga is surreptitiously reissuing physical copies of her 2013 album Artpop. The new issues are missing that tangy zip which was previously supplied by the track Do What U Want (With My Body) featuring Robert on booty rubs. It’s back to plain mayonnaise for this Oscar winner!
R. Kelly’s Bail Bond Guardian Angel Wants Her Money Back So She Can Give It To Him AGAIN
Here’s some “Is This Bitch Foreal?” news. Valencia Love, the woman who bailed out 52-year-old R. Kelly when he couldn’t afford it, is now asking for the money back. But don’t worry, it’s not because she’s come to her senses and realized the overwhelming evidence against R. Kelly should be enough to at least make her second guess her choices. She just wants to make sure that she can get the money back so R. Kelly can use it again to cover his legal fees.
A Minnesota Judge Issued A Bench Warrant Against R. Kelly For Failure To Appear
I never thought I’d be saying this but Robert Sylvester Kelly has been treated unfairly by the system. TMZ reports that Robert, who last week was released from protective custody into the general population in MCC Chicago federal prison, has had a bench warrant issued against him for failing to show up for a hearing in Minnesota. In Minnesota, Robert is facing charges of “engaging in prostitution with someone under 18, and hiring/offering/agreeing to hire someone for sexual contact”, but he failed to appear because he was in custody in Chicago. Nevertheless, the judge issued the warrant anyway. Like I said, it’s unfair. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish writing my letter to the Nobel committee nominating that judge for a prize (maybe not the Peace Prize, does Nobel offer a Petty Prize?) for his extraordinary work in the field of fucking with Robert Sylvester Kelly.
R. Kelly Got His Wish And Was Moved To General Population
In the never-ending 2019 miniseries titled The Life and Times of Uncle Pissy, disgraced R. Kelly continues to make people cringe with his outrageous behavior. At this point everyone knows about his constant legal troubles that finally landed him in the clink, but since this is R. Kelly we’re talking about it’s not like the drama ended with him being locked away. Unfortunately, he began complaining about the deplorable conditions he’s been enduring while in solitary confinement. And his lawyers have been nestling him close to their breasts to muffle his cries as they find ways to rescue him from the sadness of being all alone. Well, his whining has worked. Because now R. Kelly will be removed from solitary and placed in the safest place he could possibly be: general population.
R. Kelly Has Changed His Mind And Wants Out Of Solitary Confinement
R.Kelly has changed his mind after spending a month in solitary confinement while behind held on multiple, multiple charges. R. Kelly has finally decided that he is not really interested in spending this much trapped in the closet cell by himself. Especially if they won’t give him anything to watch. So now his lawyers are asking the judge to let R. Kelly take the risk and enter into general population as both a famous musician and also a famous alleged pedophile. No one’ll notice him!
R. Kelly Has Been Charged AGAIN This Time In Minnesota For Prostitution
I don’t even know what R. Kelly’s lawyers are doing on a day-to-day basis, besides dealing with his 100 million charges? Praying? Chanting to the gods? Asking their wiccan friends for luck potions? Their legal strategy so far seems to be deny and attack but I don’t know how you’re gonna be doing that once one of those over twenty child porn sex tapes gets previewed for the jury and they go: “Holy shit–that’s R. Kelly.” Still, Kells has been pleading not guilty all up and down the eastern United States as he fights off federal charges in both Illinois and New York.
Oh, but did you think this would end with R. Kelly getting charged with sex trafficking? Ma’am? All the skeletons are dropping out of this man’s closet and if you know anything about him and closet space, mama it goes on. These skeletons bout to be dancing out R. Kelly’s closet like it’s fucking Corpse Bride. And another just popped out in Minnesota.