In the never-ending 2019 miniseries titled The Life and Times of Uncle Pissy, disgraced R. Kelly continues to make people cringe with his outrageous behavior. At this point everyone knows about his constant legal troubles that finally landed him in the clink, but since this is R. Kelly we’re talking about it’s not like the drama ended with him being locked away. Unfortunately, he began complaining about the deplorable conditions he’s been enduring while in solitary confinement. And his lawyers have been nestling him close to their breasts to muffle his cries as they find ways to rescue him from the sadness of being all alone. Well, his whining has worked. Because now R. Kelly will be removed from solitary and placed in the safest place he could possibly be: general population.
According to TMZ, R. Kelly’s lawyer Steven Greenberg was successful in getting him out of solitary and into gen pop.
Honestly, this makes absolutely no sense to me, because every time I hear the words “gen pop,” it makes me think about Oz where people were fighting, throwing feces, and raping each other all the time. R. Kelly wanting to go into gen pop shows us, once again, how crazy he is.
Apparently, Kelly wanted some alone time in the beginning of his sentence so he requested to be placed in a Special Housing Unit with no cellmates. Eventually the jailhouse said, “Bitch this ain’t the Hilton!“, and gave him cellmates. He also complained about his lack of phone time and visitation privileges, both of which have been amended.
We’re told R. Kelly will now be allowed 10 non-attorney visits instead of the previously allowed one. He’ll also have a longer leash for phone calls and emails.
R. Kelly will also have an opportunity to play with his new jail friends outside in the yard. Since we all know how inmates feel about pedos, I don’t see this going well for R. Kelly. But then again, if Bill Cosby is successfully giving lectures to inmates about which pills fizz faster in cocktails than it stands to reason R. Kelly will probably start holding seminars about how to run the worse bed and breakfast in the universe. This is America 2019, y’all.