Category: PUPPIES!
The Jury In The Harvey Weinstein Case Was Subjected To Nude Photos Of Him
So, we’ve already had Harvey Weinstein’s genitals and blackhead situation described for us in detail in testimony given during his current rape trial. It was difficult, but after deleting the garlic bulb and chocolate chip emojis from our phones, we were able to sleep, and maybe even enjoy the weekend a little, though still haunted by the specter of what we learned from one of Harvey’s accusers, Jessica Mann. For those of us who are, blissfully, not personally connected with the Weinstein trial, Friday’s revelation was the worst of it in terms of hearing about his genitals. Not so for the jury who were shown photographs of Harvey’s naked body in the courtroom yesterday. And even more not so for the courtroom sketch artist who had to render them. Puppies after the jump!
Open Post: Hosted By The Pup Holding Up Traffic In Russia
Why’d the Russian dog cross the road? To get to the Faberge egg on the other side! Ok, I’ll let myself out. It was really snowy in the city of Chelyabinsk, Russia, the other day, but a local pup still had shit to do.
Meanwhile, The Rock Spent His Labor Day Saving His French Bulldog Puppy From Drowning
Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? It’s a big plate of AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
There’s no such thing as rest and relaxation when you’re The Rock, because there’s always weights to be lifted, 50,000 ounces of cod to be eaten and baby French Bulldogs that need saving. Yesterday, The Rock Instagrammed a picture of him in a wet t-shirt with a French Bulldog puppy in each hand and he told a story about how he heroically saved one of them from taking a one-way trip to heaven.
IT’S A PUPPEH!!! (And Oh Yeah, Ben Affleck’s In The Picture Too)
Many of us figured that it was only a matter of time before Ben Affleck would be papped hugging a young blonde bitch, but I don’t think this is what we envisioned in the thought bubble above of our head. Ben flew into Atlanta, where his future ex-wife Jennifer Garner is shooting a movie, on a private jet yesterday and when he got off of the plane, he was holding an adorable puppy friend. No, Ben didn’t just use the golden fur ball for a quick photo-op before handing the pooch over to his assistant after the paps left. A source who is totally not Ben’s publicist tells Bennifer 2.0 fanfiction site People that the dog is a post break-up gift for their three kids.
“It’s their new puppy. It’s a family dog. It’s another sign they are working together to raise kids and be in a kind relationship.”
Another source tells UsWeekly that Ben and Jen got the Golden Retriever puppy at a shelter in Pacific Palisades, CA. Since Ben Affleck has a heart made of ice, he looked at the litter of angelic puppy faces at the shelter and said, “Nope,” and was also an ass to a female volunteer. But he finally dribbled out a, “Yeah, whatever,” and they adopted a puppy for their kids. That’s just like a movie. Grouchy bitch doesn’t want dog. Grouchy bitch relents and gets dog. Grouchy bitch hates dog. Grouchy bitch slowly begins to open his heart for dog. Grouchy bitch eventually learns about unconditional love and patience from dog. Grouchy bitch and dog become best friends and go on a road trip in the sequel. Naw, this is Ben we’re talking about. He’ll hate that puppy forever and I’m sure he insults the dog by calling it “Gigli” when no one is around.
And in these pictures, Ben looks like he just peeled himself off of the sidewalk under a park bench where he passed out after he was kicked out of a low-rent casino for getting into a drunken brawl with another pokah player. Dude looks a mess. But really, who cares about that. There’s a puppy in all these pictures. Look at the puppy instead! (Damn, Ben’s PR Team is really good.)
Pics: FameFlynet
An Explosion of AWWWWWWWWWWs: John Stamos And A Puppy
Earlier, Megan posted about Sydney Leathers’ selling her gnawed-off pieces of pussy jerky to the highest bidder and I once again posted something about Miley Cyrus’ eyebrow situation, so here’s an adorable flower in the garden of gross to cleanse your eyes and thoughts. At the Animal League America Celebrity Gala in NYC last night, John Stamos (aka forever Uncle Jesse to me) posed with an adorable puppy friend. I’ll adopt both of them even though the one showing his teeth isn’t probably totally potty-trained.
These pictures really awww for themselves, but in the headline I should’ve warned you to put a wee-wee pad on your chair, because your ovaries might’ve melted and are leaking out of you. I bet that’s how Dannon Oikos is made!
One Direction Fans Tweet Death Threats To This Adorable Puppy
In “I Can’t Believe This Shit Didn’t Come From The Onion” news, a few One Direction fans have been tweeting death threats to this adorable puppy named Loki. No, Loki isn’t Harry Styles’ new girlfriend. Those crazy children are wishing death upon this innocent puppy, because Liam Payne bought him with his girlfriend Danielle Peazer. This is some Fatal Attraction shit, which is weird, since most of those crazed One Directioners weren’t even a sperm fish when Fatal Attraction came out.
Metro says that shortly after Liam Payne introduced Loki to his 9 million Twitter followers, the hate and death threats started pouring in. A few One Directioners, who obviously didn’t get enough spoonfuls of crushed Xanax in their jar of banana baby food, let Liam know that they don’t like him raising a puppy with Danielle Peazer, because it means he’ll have less time to tweet with them. Here’s some death threat tweets to a puppy that’ll make you feel really hopeful about our future:
And a couple more:
“I am outraged and appalled fucking Loki the dog! That dog ain’t nothing but the scum on my shoe”
“Let’s kill him! Gun? Knife?”
You know you need to set the parental controls on your child’s laptop to MAXIMUM when they tweet death threats at a puppy for stealing their man. They’re going to start tweeting death threats to every spoon Liam uses, because he’s sticking his tongue on it instead of them.
To paraphrase a quote from prolific philosopher Taylor Swift: There’s a special place in hell for people who wish death upon a puppy….and that special place in hell doesn’t have WiFi or cell phone service. You’re all grounded!