Category: Megyn Kelly
Megyn Kelly Is Definitely Not Going Back To “Today” And Fox News Doesn’t Want Her Either
Well, are you happy now!? You’ve ruined the fun for everybody. You complained about Megyn Kelly being a rancid troll when she defended blackface and followed it up with a sea of crocodile tears and a Dollar Store apology, and now, according to multiple sources, she’s in contract negotiations to secure her bag before her “imminent” departure from NBC. Now we’re not going to get a chance to see whatever she had planned for her Today Halloween costume! Why do you think she said blackface is A-OK in the first place!? She was preparing us. She was probably planning on coming out, live on TV, dressed up as Kanye West and now we’ll never know!
Ding Dong “Megyn Kelly Today” Is Dead (UPDATE)
Kathie Lee Gifford just told the full-time bartender in her dressing room to pull out the good stuff, because it’s time to celebrate now that it looks like the head bitches at NBC News are finally dumping the blonde reason for why the Happy Hour of Today (read: the fourth hour starring KLG and Hoda Kotb) is getting lower ratings. And then KLG will kick her leg, hop onto the cabaret stage she had built in her dressing room next to the bar, and belt out, “Grey skies are gonna cleeeeear up,” as her assistants ask the bartender for a stiff shot since they’re going to need it if their boss is starting off the day with show tunes.
Just a quick minute after Megyn Kelly dribbled out a canned apology for being a college educated 47-year-old former lawyer and “journalist” who has lived in New York City for years and didn’t know that blackface is racist, The Hollywood Reporter said that a source whispered in their ear about the demise of her show at Today. NBC News is reportedly going to put Megyn Kelly Today out of its misery at the end of this year. Megyn is currently in the middle of a $69 million three-year contract with NBC News. Cut to Black Santa sauntering up to Megyn to give her the gift of a pink slip this Christmas.
In “You Knew This Was Coming” News, Megyn Kelly Is Sorry About That “Blackface” Thing
Yesterday, many of you learned something shocking and kind of disturbing. You learned that Megyn Kelly Today is still on the air and hasn’t been shit-canned by NBC News even though her ratings are about as lackluster as Kathie Lee Gifford’s mood before downing that first cup of Chardonnay with a splash of coffee. You learned that Megyn Kelly still exists on the Today show after she wondered why doing blackface for Halloween is racist. Megyn has now apologized to her colleagues and to the three people (including me, I am so ashamed) who watch her show.
A Question That Boggles Megyn Kelly’s Mind: Why Is Blackface Racist?
And a question that boggles my mind is: Why is Megyn Kelly Today still on?
Another question that boggles my mind is: Why do I still watch all four hours of Today including Megyn Kelly’s shit show hour?
Megyn Kelly has already pissed some people off by mouth-sharting out about how she thinks the slutty Handmaid’s Tale costume is okay because it’s for Halloween, and anything goes during Halloween. And on today’s show, Megyn Kelly and three white panelists (Melissa Rivers, Jenna Bush Hager, and Jacob Soboroff) talked about Halloween costumes that have been banned by a university. Megyn Kelly brain-burping up her thoughts about offensive Halloween costumes and cultural appropriation? What could go wrong! NBC executives were either in the control room getting ready to jump on the delay button in case she said anything dumb, or they were getting ready to slap the delay button operator’s hand away in case she said anything dumb because that show needs the attention. Definitely the second one.
Megyn Kelly Regrets Bringing Jane Fonda On “Megyn Kelly Today”
It’s been a whole year since Jane Fonda finished Megyn Kelly with a single look. It feels like just yesterday when Megyn asked Jane about plastic surgery during an interview on Megyn Kelly Today, and Jane returned with what would be a “Fuck no” face for the ages. Jane later brought it up in the shadiest way possible: during an interview when she returned to Today three months later.
Megyn is now saying she regrets the moment, specifically she regrets booking Jane Fonda on the show in the first place.
Catherine Oxenberg’s Daughter Is Finally Free From NXIVM
A real-life Dynasty story arc came to be last year when Catherine Oxenberg (that’s Amanda Carrington #1 to us Dynasty tramps) began a public mission to free her 27-year-old daughter India Oxenberg from the cult NXIVM. It was the first time I had heard of NXIVM, and to me it sounded like the name of a non-FDA-approved knock-off of Nexium that can only be bought from the trunk a Toyota parked in a Tijuana alley way. If NXIVM was a medicine, side effects would include suddenly developing an ugly brand on your skin, getting shot nerves from Chloe from Smallville yelling at you, and ending up with a brainwashed brain.
Catherine actually got India into NXIVM after hearing it was some kind of self-help group. Catherine checked out of it because she found it creepy, but India stayed. Catherine didn’t think anything of India staying until she heard that India had been recruited into the harem of NXIVM’s founder Keith Raniere. India had gotten scary skinny and her hair was falling out. Catherine begged India to come home, but India didn’t and ended up going radio silent on her family. Since then, Catherine has been working to get India out, and on Megyn Kelly Today, she pretty much said that her daughter is out. Praise Bea (Arthur, who is the God of my religion)!