Category: Bears

Here’s The Trailer For The Elizabeth Banks Directed “Cocaine Bear”

November 30, 2022 / Posted by:

Elizabeth Banks is only three films into her directing career and each more filled with LIES than the last! First there was 2015’s unnecessary sequel Pitch Perfect 2, starring a dubiously aged Rebel Wilson, followed by 2019’s unnecessary sequel Charlie’s Angels, starring a dubiously angelic Kristen Stuart. Now we have the first trailer for Elizabeth’s third outing, Cocaine Bear, which purports to be “inspired by true events” and features a dubiously alive and vicious bear on a rampage after having ingested 76 pounds of cocaine that fell from the sky in a Kentucky forest in 1985.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Emotional Support Plush Man Bear

November 13, 2022 / Posted by:

Move over, Chia Pet! Get outta here, Snuggie! This year’s novelty Christmas gift is here! Are you a teddy bear fan but wished upon a star that they were more human-like? Your dream has come alive in the form of Loving Bear Puffy. Yes, this 5’7” bear with the body of a burly man and an ass that won’t quit is available for snuggles and terrifying anyone who visits your apartment!

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Open Post: Hosted By The Cheating Scandal Rocking Fat Bear Week

October 11, 2022 / Posted by:

FAT BEAR WEEK is back, baby! And these babies got back (gargantuan brown bear asses). Every year, thousands of fans go online and vote for Katmai National Park’s fattest, most salmon-packed, pre-hibernation-mode bear. Over the weekend, Vanessa informed us that four-time champ Otis was the odds-on favorite to win. But, personally, she was rooting for Holly (#435). Unfortunately for Vanessa, Holly is out. Even worse, she’s been dragged into a cheating scandal! GASP. Cheating at Fat Bear Week? Is nothing sacred?!

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Open Post: Hosted By The Bears Who Broke Into A House And Ate Doughnuts

July 16, 2022 / Posted by:

No one can resist a doughnut. It’s a great food that we as a society have decided is an acceptable breakfast food despite the fact that it’s essentially a small, frosted cake. No one will judge you for scarfing down two or three before 10am. So don’t judge this mama bear and her cub who caught a whiff of that fried dough and decided to break into a house to obtain the sweet treat. Yogi Bear approves!

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Open Post: Hosted By The 500-Pound Bear, Hank The Tank, Who Has Broken Into Dozens Of Homes In Lake Tahoe

February 22, 2022 / Posted by:

Yogi Bear and that little bitch Boo-Boo can get fucked. NPR reports that there’s a brand new bumbling sustenance-stealer on the scene! Introducing Hank the Tank, the 500-pound black bear who’s broken into at least 28 South Lake Tahoe homes in a never-ending quest for food. The California Department of Fish and Wildlife explains that Hank is a “severely food-habituated bear,” meaning he’s not afraid of people and he associates them with access to food. They say that Hank uses his “immense size and strength” to break into houses through front doors and garage doors. Ah, the Kool-Aid Man method. I know it well. Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By A Florida Man Who Fought Off A Bear To Protect His Dogs

January 23, 2022 / Posted by:

What lengths would you go to protect your pet? In the time it took you to respond, a Florida Man has already subdued a bear from attacking his pooches! While checking out his porch one evening, Daytona Beach resident Walter Hickcox spotted an animal of the ursine persuasion creeping onto his property. Walter leaped into action, scaring away the bear and saving his buddies. At last, a story of a Florida Man using his Florida powers for good!

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