Open Post: Hosted By A Non-Participating Legend

August 28, 2020 / Posted by:

Fuck your taffeta, screw this tulle. Choke on these streamers, and another thing, how are you all so goddamn ugly? You people make me sick. And you, Becky or whatever your name is, your little penguin dance can fuck all the way off, OK? I’m done with you people.” —Wisdom from the mouths of babes.

4-year-old Charlie Cosby opted out of the bullshit at her outdoor dance recital and is being heralded as “a legend” and “an icon” based on a viral TikTok video of her placidly standing on stage while lesser children made utter fools of themselves for The Man. Unh-uh, not a chance. Dance and frolic? You must be outta your goddamn mind.

Here’s Charlie being an absolute savage. Good thing Kanye’s working on a Christian TikTok because I think one of the Ten Commandments is Thou Shall Not Try Me. According to BuzzFeed, baby girl stood there, stock-still, “for six minutes straight, and for song after song.

@chubbybeagle

Went to my niece’s outdoor dance recital and witnessed this legend. #dancrecital #legend

♬ original sound – chubbybeagle

 

As much as we’d all like to believe that Charlie was channeling the ennui a lot of us are feeling these days, BuzzFeed actually spoke to her mom who also told  The Journal Review that they’ve been getting interview requests from all over the world and embrace the outpouring of love for Charlie. But apparently, Charlie didn’t dance because she was feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the people. That’s why Charlie stays a relatable ‘lil queen.

Her mom, Tiffany Cosby, told BuzzFeed News on the phone that she hadn’t even realized her toddler was TikTok-famous until a coworker told her. Tiffany confirmed that her daughter really “just stood there and stared” for the first six minutes of their recital.

Charlie did, however, dance for the last sequence when she was moved away from front and center.

“We were actually shocked she did dance in the finale. I honestly think it was because she was in the back row,” her mom said. “She is really animated and outgoing if it’s in a small group of people she knows.”

“I asked her, ‘Charlie why didn’t you dance in the beginning?’ And she goes, ‘There were a lot of people.'”

You heard her, “THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE.” Smash Mouth, you just got outsmarted by a 4-year-old!

Pic: TikTok

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