Well, this is random. Nicki Minaj and her maybe-fiancé of three months Meek Mill recently got into an online fight that ended with Nicki pointing her pitchfork in Joe Biden’s direction. Why? Because she can’t tell the difference between the names Budden and Biden. If you’re looking for a creative wedding present for Nicki, might I suggest registering her for a couple of beginner reading classes at The Learning Annex.
E! says it all started shortly after rapper Joe Budden verbally shat on Meek Mill during a recent episode of his podcast, I’ll Name This Podcast Later. Joe claimed Meek’s music is “too hard” for him to be serving up “fucking sappy fuck shit” realness when he’s around Nicki. Joe Budden must have been one of those dudes who was dumped at the prom or something, because he goes in hard on Nicki and Meek Mill’s romance:
“Be the hardcore guy that I’m sure [Nicki] was attracted to at some point. It’s nasty. I hate everything about it. [Meek’s] all like this bitch just stepped off of fucking Mars and is like the only girl. I hate it all. But I do appreciate them for keeping the hope of love alive.”
“Listen babe, what you see is what you get – little JB don’t get no shrinkage. It goes in looking like a pool noodle and it stays looking like a pool noodle. Next question? Yeah, you in the red with the sweet rack. Stand up sugar, let Joey B get a good look at ya.”
According to the soon-to-be released tell-all, The First Family Detail (via NY Daily News) some loose-lipped Secret Service agents have spilled the T on a bunch of higher-up Washington types, like the President and Hillary Clinton, but the best dirt is about Vice President Joe Biden. Apparently, America’s sexy septuagenarian stud muffin likes to kick back at the end of a long day by stripping out of his suit, grabbing an ice-cold brewski and floating around naked in the pool. Unfortunately, some members of the Secret Service don’t much care for seeing Joe Biden’s bare ass:
Biden is portrayed as being more interested in coming off as a “regular Joe” than being potentially responsible for the nation’s nuclear codes.
“Agents say that, whether at the vice president’s residence or at his home in Delaware, Biden has a habit of swimming in his pool nude. Female Secret Service agents find that offensive.”
I understand that seeing the flaccid wrinkled penis and saggy silver-haired balls of a 71-year-old isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, but how bad could Joe Biden’s junk be? It probably looks like a sleepy little hairless mouse nestled in a fluffy pile of cotton. I feel like the real reason they’re offended is that no one has invented time travel yet and they can’t watch this hot young version of Joe Biden go skinny dipping instead:
“They call me Metamucil, baby, cause I’m smooth going down and I’ll lower your cholesterol. And by cholesterol, I mean panties.”
Katy Perry is currently in Washington DC for her Prismatic Tour and she skipped vocal practice to visit the White House. If Katy is anything like me (aka dumb and/or not-smart) she probably rolled up to the White House expecting to run into Betsy and Arlene, but instead she ran into sexy silver-haired septuagenarian Vice President Joe Biden. Katy posted a picture of the two of them to Instagram and even though most men his age are technically in the falling-asleep-to-golf-on-the-couch chapter of their life, Joe proved he’s still a charismatic oldie by macking on Katy like he had a full Cialis prescription in his pocket. Katy captioned the picture:
“Brought my pink pony to the White House to holler @VP Joe Biden. #wheninwashington p.s. He made me call my 93 year old grandma to thank her for my baby blue eyes! What a Q-T”
Then Joe Biden commented on Katy’s hair, saying: “You know who else had dark hair like yours? Monica Lewinsky. Say, why don’t I show you around Bill Clinton’s old office and I could ‘not have sexual relations’ with you’, if you catch my drift. Wink! In case you’re not clear, I’m referring to a blow job. Or as I call it, a “Joe Fun”. Why? Cause it doesn’t feel like work when you’re with Joey B!”
Then Katy excused herself and he shouted: “Maybe we can grab a drink after your show? I’ll pick you up around 9 in a red Mustang convertible with an airbrushed panther on the hood. Oh, and tell your grandma she’s welcome to come too! Joey B don’t discriminate!”