If you’re a middle-aged Christian mom who needs a little heat in the bedroom, you might have studied Michelle Duggar’s sex tips from a few years back. But if you’re a millennial Christian mom who needs a little help setting fire to your flannelette sheets, you might take a tip from her daughter, Jill Duggar Dillard. Much like her mom’s tips, these aren’t G-rated Sunday-safe tips like: “Set your lover’s libido ablaze with a hot Tater Tot Casserole pulled straight from the oven.” Jill wants you to keep your marriage hot by having sex as much as possible. Are you surprised? Look at her husband Derrick Dillard – how could you not keep your praying hands off a stud like that?
Us Weekly says that Jill recently posted to her website, Dillard Family, a piece called More Than Sex: How To Love Your Husband. She says she was inspired by a book about relationships. She was also inspired by her five-year marriage to her transphobic husband. Five years later, Jill is still in love with him, and says that she understands that people think the fire would die out between them after all this time. But it’s just as spicy as it ever was. Since we’re talking about a Duggar here, it’s safe to assume that spice is salt-free Mrs. Dash.
Jill’s very first tip at the top of her post reads: “Have sex often!” She’s not kidding. Jill wants all you married Christian ladies to get busy at least 50% of the week.
“You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol). And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re always available. Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions!”
Let’s break that down. Jill recommends having sex 3 to 4 times a week. She also says you don’t have to have intercourse to be intimate. Is Jill a grapefruiter? Jill also doesn’t want you wives to masturbate. You hear that, ladies? She better not catch any of your horny asses hanging around the washer when it’s on the spin cycle.
She also says to tell your husband if he hurt you, be quick to forgive, pray for him, kiss him for a minimum of six seconds, clean yourself up before he gets home, and smell good by showering in the morning and before he gets home. Also, before you get busy, fix yourself up before you see him, and put on scented lotion for him. It sounds like Jill’s Sex Plan involves at least three showers, four times a week. Plus multiple lotion applications and possible body spritzes. Excuse me, this is coming from Jesus? I’m starting to think Jesus might have a hidden agenda here. Someone check if he owns a stake in Bath & Body Works.