Category: Illegal
Tyga Says There’s Nothing “Morally Wrong” With Dating Kylie Jenner
Poor Chris Hansen; he’s probably got a next-level case of shin splints from all the chairs he’s kicked out for Tyga to have a seat on.
According to TMZ, 25-year-old rapper/father/owner of some busted Ronald McDonald hair Tyga is no longer being coy about his relationship with 17-year-old future homeschool drop out/aspiring filler enthusiast Kylie Jenner. Tyga sort of dipped his toe into the shallow end of the poor decisions pool by getting her name tattooed on his arm, but recently he dove straight into the deep end. Even though the age of consent in California is still 18, TMZ says Tyga has been telling his friends that he’s not worried about statutory rape laws because his teenage girlfriend is “more mature” than most adults. Tyga thinks that because Kylie is a millionaire who runs a company and owns her own house, she’s basically a grown woman. “Looks like I’m no longer needed here” thought the numbers 1997 on her birth certificate.
Tyga also says there’s nothing “morally wrong” with dating a 17-year-old, and that he “doesn’t give a fuck about what the law says.” I’m going to use that one the next time I’m pulled over for steering my car with my knees so I can two-fist a pair of cheeseburgers.
Even though you and I know what Tyga and Kylie are doing is the definition of shady, not-right, and NO, “law enforcement sources” tell TMZ that unless someone files a complaint, there’s nothing they can do about it. And you know that even if someone were to file a complaint, it would be intercepted by Pimp Mama Kris’ telekinetic shitty parenting powers.
But where’s Kylie in all of this? If you said school, then you’re a dumbass. No! She’s filming Snapchat videos of herself getting “high as fuck“. Bruce Jenner, come get your plastic-looking kid!
Presented Without Comment: Cameron Diaz “Sings” An Updated Version Of Little Girls In Annie
Okay, maybe just one comment: WHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
Teresa Giudice Is Suing Her Own Bankruptcy Lawyer For $5 Million
Seen above looking like a cast member in the all-Muppets version of a Stepford Wives remake, Teresa Giudice of The Real Grifters of New Jersey is as broke as her forehead and owes a shit load in restitution and has to pay the $13 million she and her husband Juicy Joe swindled from creditors. Where oh where are they going to get that money from? Teresa can’t try to get a $14 million loan using fake W2s, because every bank has got their number now. A leaked sex tape is out of the question since bestiality porn is still illegal. But don’t worry, Teresa’s got a genius plan. She’s suing her lawyer!
On Watch What Happens Live last month, Teresa cried and whined about how her lawyers sucked and they’re the reason why she’s going to jail for 15 months in January. Yeah, the fact that Teresa and Juicy Joe committed fraud has nothing to do with why they’re both going to the clink. It’s the lawyer’s fault! Teresa is really taking this “blame the lawyers” thing all the way, because Page Six says that she has filed a $5 million malpractice lawsuit against her bankruptcy lawyer James Kridel.
Teresa and Juicy Joe filed for bankruptcy in 2009, claiming they were $11 million in debt. Teresa claims in her lawsuit against Kridel that he screwed up the bankruptcy paperwork by not including her income, business interest, rental income and certain bank accounts. Kridel’s supposed fuck-up led to the feds’ investigation, which led to her going to the clink. via Page Six
“Kridel failed to perform a reasonable investigation concerning the petition, schedules and statement of financial affairs,” the suit says.
The Madison Avenue lawyer’s “failure to exercise that degree of reasonable knowledge and skill that lawyers of ordinary ability and skill possess” caused her lost income, legal fees, botched business deals and public ridicule, the suit says.
That didn’t cause her public ridicule. Teresa being Teresa on reality TV caused her public ridicule.
Teresa is screaming malpractice and wants $5 million from Kridel.
Yes, everyone knows that Teresa is going to prison because of Teresa, but maybe she’s on to something. Suing her bankruptcy lawyer is a good start, but she really should go all out and blame everybody but herself. Teresa should sue the makers of the pen she used to sign those documents, because they obviously played a part in her downfall. She should also sue the makers of the paper those documents were printed on. She should sue the creator of currency and the founders of the banks she and Juicy Joe swindled, because she might not be going to jail if they didn’t exist. Finally, she should sue the government for making fraud illegal, because that law is just stupid.
Oh, and she might as well get a head start and sue the lawyer she’s using to sue her bankruptcy lawyer, because if the lawsuit gets thrown out it will be their fault. Sue them all, Tre!
Shia LaBeouf Claims A Woman Raped Him During His Performance Art Piece
Well, here’s ten tons of fucked up that just took my Thanksgiving hangover headache to new levels.
Earlier this year, Shia LaBeouf pulled some Marina Abramovic shit in L.A. when he did a performance art pice called #IAMSORRY after he got caught plagiarizing a Daniel Clowes graphic novel for a short movie called Howard Cantour.com. During #IAMSORRY, Shia sat in a room by himself with a paper bag over his head and props from his career (a whip, a Transformer, a bowl full of hate tweets, etc…) sat on a table in front of him. One by one, people came into the room and either sat across from him without saying a word or talked to him or used the props in whatever way they wanted. I heard stories about how some people cursed his ass out and/or threw shit at him, but the story he told Dazed is every layer of THE FUCK?
For two weeks, Shia and Dazed editor Aimee Cliff talked back and forth online about #IAMSORRY. Aimee asked Shia if there was one experience that was either moving or soul-killing and Shia made my brain melt by saying that one crazy bitch whipped and raped him as her boyfriend and his girlfriend waited in the line outside.
One woman who came with her boyfriend, who was outside the door when this happened, whipped my legs for ten minutes and then stripped my clothing and proceeded to rape me… There were hundreds of people in line when she walked out with disheveled hair and smudged lipstick. It was no good, not just for me but her man as well. On top of that my girl was in line to see me, because it was Valentine’s Day and I was living in the gallery for the duration of the event – we were separated for five days, no communication. So it really hurt her as well, as I guess the news of it travelled through the line. When she came in she asked for an explanation, and I couldn’t speak, so we both sat with this unexplained trauma silently. It was painful.
My brain just puked up a dozen question marks. So many questions. I know Shia basically had zero rules for his performance art piece and people were allowed to do whatever they wanted to him, but you’d think that he wouldn’t have to put up a sign that read: You Can Do Anything You Want Except For Murdering, Shooting, Stabbing, Raping And Choking Shia.
Shia and Aimee Cliff also did a sit down “interview” through webcams strapped to their heads and this is how it went. (Note: If you watch 4 minutes of it, you’ve watched all of it since they don’t say a word.)
That’s pretty much what I did for an hour after reading Shia’s fucked up story.
What In 1970s Prom Hell, Christina?
Christina Hendrix showed up to the 5th Annual Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic in Pacific Palisades, CA yesterday, and for some ungodly reason she chose the Napoleon Dynamite reject outfit above to wear to the event. NO. Awkward Family Photo 70s tux/doily combo Christina…really?? I can’t.
I know that the whole world yells at her to put her ridiculous pillowlicious chi chis away once in awhile but this is taking it way too far. That “ensemble” is tata jail. Illegal. FREE THE TATAS!!! And not only is it tata jail, it’s face/hair/shoes/body/all of it jail that sucks the life from everything else in a 5 mile radius into a vortex of fuckugly. We’re so sorry Christina!!! Please please PLEASE bring back the tatas. We’ll even seat them in the front row so they feel special.
Did Christina plan this outfit, or was she attacked by my Grandma’s window sheers and ridiculously long dresser runner before falling into a “vintage nobody wants” Goodwill box on her way to the red carpet? I don’t know. All I know is that the next time someone shades her for always having Tha Girls on display, she should show them this picture and they will immediately retract their statement and fluff her boobs for her. Everybody wins.
The Pastor Dad From 7th Heaven Confesses To Being A Child Toucher On Tape
Now that I look at that picture, dude does have that creepy “Good Christian father who hangs around his daughter’s slumber party in the basement all night” vibe about him.
Well, if you watched 7th Heaven as a kid, put on your black lace veil and mourn the beaten, tattered, shredded last piece of your childhood as it slips down the gutter. Because early this morning, TMZ threw up a recording of Stephen Collins, the pastor dad from 7th Heaven, telling his estranged wife (they’re in the middle of a long, nasty divorce) about the little girls he allegedly molested. TMZ says that in 2012, Stephen told his actress wife Faye Grant (aka Juliet from V) that he had abused several little girls. That gross confession led to Stephen and Faye going to therapy. Now, binge watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia will lead to you literally barfing in the toilet.