Shia LaBeouf Is Well On The Way To Beating His Personal Best In Douchery

February 12, 2014 / Posted by:

If you have a painfully infected ingrown ass hair that’s getting more red and weepy and swollen with each passing day, do it a favor and turn around (you’ll find a way; love always finds a way), give it a big hug and a kiss, and thank it for not being nearly as annoying and awful as Shia LaDouche. And then get to a doctor asap and have them amputate your butt before that thing grows legs, develops a half-formed sentient brain and a dirt stache, and names itself Shia LaBeouf Jr.

After dropping his pants and fouling the city of Berlin with a giant fame-whore dump that even Kris Jenner would have thought could have been a little less desperate, Louis Stevens returned home to Los Angeles to begin setting up a week-long LOOK AT ME stunt queen show at the Cohen Gallery. According to The Daily Beast, when you arrive at the show – titled #IAMSORRY (more like #IAMSTUPID) you are taken into a room where a table is laid out with items from Shia’s career; a Trasformer (for Transformers), a whip (Indiana Jones), a bowl of hateful tweets, etc. You select an item (no, you can’t select a gun to your mouth, you have to pick what’s on the table) and enter another room where Shia is waiting at a table in a tux with a paper bag over his head. Then you sit there asking him questions or whatever and he sits silently and doesn’t respond. Several people have asked him to remove the paper bag, and when he does, they see that he’s been pushing out salty ones from his eye-holes the whole time. Then they rush back to that first room and search the table to see if there actually was a gun they could use, but not on themselves.

Oh my god, WE GET IT, you twat! You don’t need to remind us every six seconds that you’re an annoying prick. What do you want, a medal or a trophy or something? Look, if I spray paint a bottle of Summer’s Eve gold, glue it to a wooden base, and publicly present you with the USELESS DOUCHEBAG LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD will you go away?

Here’s more of Shia at LAX after returning home from the Berlin Film Festival before he shocks me shocks me shocks me with that deviant art behavior. Two questions:
1. Why is he wearing the exact same outfit he wore literally a day earlier? Is this some art stunt shit too? Ugh, PROBABLY.
2. How much do you think those corduroy jeggins smell like swamp ass and nut-fog? Oh my god, SO much, right?

(Pics: The Daily Beast, Splash)

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