Kourtney Kardashian is the eco-warrior of the Kardashian family, but Kourtney has been so busy being horny for Travis Barker, that someone else is going to have to pick up the slack and do the absolute least in the name of environmentalism, and that person is Khloé Kardashian. Khloé decided to do her part to fight pollution by encouraging her 152 million followers on Instagram to make the switch from bottled water to a refillable water bottle, in an attempt to reduce single waste plastics. The internet quickly reminded her that switching from Evian to tap does dick all if you’re living a massively wasteful Kardashian lifestyle everywhere else. And if only that was the only time this week someone came after Khloé for some plastic-based offenses, but it wasn’t. She’s also catching heat for looking nothing like herself in a migraine commercial.
When Kanye West isn’t making music, making “fashion,” or making headlines for his trash opinions, he fancies himself an aspiring interior designer. It hasn’t always gone well, like when IKEA was like “Thanks but no thanks.” But according to a recent interview with Forbes, Kanye is trying his hand at home design. He claims he’s working on a low-income housing solution inspired by Luke Skywalker’s domed hut in Star Wars. That makes perfect sense, because we all know Kanye’s brain lives somewhere in a galaxy far, far away.
Say so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye to those buff bald daddy muscles, because they’re going away for a while.
If you’ve wondered what Santino Rice has been up to since Ru filled his seat with the butts belonging to Ross Matthews and Carson Kressley, well, he’s a hardcore health person. A quick peek at his Instagram shows a dude who is really into organic raw food and self-health. The breakout star of Project Runway and former judge of RuPaul’s Drag Race proved just how dedicated he is to living that crazy health life by announcing on Twitter two days ago that he would be fasting for 111 days. Damn, I sincerely wish him the best of luck with that; I can barely go 111 minutes without shoving a handful of Wheat Thins into my mouth.
MTV was really taking a risk by having everyone walk into the VMAs on a white carpet instead of a red one. It was an award show shot in HD, which means it wasn’t a shock to see some people strolling in with their faces covered in a 1/4 inch thick layer of foundation, concealer, powder, the shadow from 6 Morphe eye palettes, 18oz of lipstick, and an entire bottle of setting spray. There’s no way MTV would have gotten their damage deposit back if someone like Kim Kardashian were to trip and land face-first on that carpet. If Kim left a makeup imprint of her face on that carpet, you know the first thing she would have done was had it sent to her mom’s house with a note that said: “Possible $$$ opportunity. Call the rug from Aladdin and set up a camera.”
Thankfully MTV didn’t have to worry about any of that when Alicia Keys hit the white carpet, because her face was au naturel….kind of.
I’ll start by saying that, no, this isn’t Martin Sheen’s idea of an April Fool’s Day prank. President Bartlet really believes that O.J. Simpson is innocent of the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, – like, not just “not guilty“, but actually for-real innocent – and he wants to prove it with a true crime TV show.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Martin Sheen will executive produce a six-part docuseries titled Hard Evidence: O.J. Is Innocent for Investigation Discovery. THR says that O.J. Is Innocent will reveal new evidence (finally, the star-making vehicle the rusty buried knife deserves!) and cover a new hypothesis as to what happened on the night of the murders. Most of it will be based on a book by a Texas private investigator called O.J. Is Innocent and I Can Prove It, which literally sounds like the name of a Facebook group for O.J. Simpson murder conspiracy theorists. Martin Sheen will also narrate the series. He says he hopes that O.J. Is Innocent will help answer the following three questions:
“What if there were enough evidence that proved O.J. Simpson did not murder his ex-wife Nicole or Ron Goldman? What if the real killer were still at large? And finally, what if a grand jury convened to reconsider the case based on new evidence.”
“Eh, just as long as it doesn’t take away the reason why we’re famous, go nuts” said the Kardashians.
I already see one major problem with that title. If Sarah Paulson’s frustrated Marcia Clark chain smoking on American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson have taught me anything, it’s that the words “evidence” and “O.J. is innocent” sort of cancel each other out. Maybe Martin could fix that by throwing a question mark on the end, like Hard Evidence: O.J. Simpson Is Innocent?. Or just rename the whole thing: If He Didn’t Do It: Like, Guys, It’s Totally Possible, Right?
Former Laguna Beach cast member and current expert in basic baby names Kristin Cavallari is nothing if not passionate about spreading “the truth” about chemicals and toxins. She taught us all there is to know about vaccinations (ie. vaccinations are bad), and now she has moved on to the human diet. Kristin has a book out right now called Balancing in Heels, and she’s clearly coming for Gwyneth Paltrow’s “My insides are healthier than your insides” enlightened rich bitch crown.
According to People, Kristin writes in her book that she’s “become a psycho” about reading food labels and researching ingredients she doesn’t know about. Apparently it’s not just the child-murdering chemicals in polio immunizations that Kristin is protecting her kids from. Kristin would rather wake up with her old nose than let her children eat food containing GMOs, antibiotics, growth hormones, or “toxic chemicals.”
But Kristin isn’t doing it just for the smug mommy endorphins that get released every time she talks about what’s in her fridge. Kristin says that switching over to eating mostly organic foods, wild-caught fish, and grass-fed beef, has helped her unfrozen caveman husband Jay Cutler manage his type-1 diabetes and blood pressure. She also claims it’s the reason her family is rarely sick.
Kristin also really loves goat milk. After Kristin stopped breastfeeding her sons Camden and Jaxon, she found they had a problem with cow milk. Rather than giving them soy milk (because, as Kristin would like you to know, it’s “usually genetically modified“), she put them on a homemade goat milk formula. She doesn’t say where she gets her goat milk from. But since Kristin is such a “psycho” about where her food comes from, I’m going to assume she bought a goat and milks it every morning while interrogating it about what it ate the day before. “Are you SURE you haven’t ingested any non-organic grass? Don’t lie to me, I saw you sniffing over near the neighbor’s fence yesterday.”
Here’s Kristin looking like the keyboard player from a knock-off Partridge Family cover band called The Pigeon Gang while selling her book at GMA on Tuesday.