Gillian Anderson Still Insists She Is Done With “The X-Files”

Gillian Anderson’s dry ass Scully wig has been trying to peacefully die in its sleep yet they keep snatching the poor thing out of its box and making it get to work. With the new, new season having just begun, Gillian would like everyone to know that she’s #teamfreethewig and doesn’t want it, or her, to come back ever again. According to TVInsider, Gillian already said that she’s ready to move on and that season 11 would be her last but nobody wanted to believe (and here I thought fans of The X-Files were all about that belief life). So she’s restated her position in no uncertain terms.

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The New “X-Files” Trailer Is Out

The trailer for the eleventh season of FOX’s The X-Files is out. The series, whose initial run ended in 2002, returned in 2016 with six new episodes that proved to be a hit. Speaking as an X-Phile, they were pretty good to me (except for whatever Joel McHale was doing)!

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“The X-Files” Will Be Back For Another 10 Episodes

Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Fox has ordered another season of the limited series version of The X-Files. The revival that premiered in January last year had six episodes; this second season will have 10. Not surprisingly, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson will be back as Mulder and Scully. Creator Chris Carter will be back as executive producer. It will air sometime during the 2017-2018 season. Both David and Gillian confirmed the news on Twitter yesterday.

You ready for more of this @davidduchovny? ???? #TheXFiles pic.twitter.com/im43BzlDks

— Gillian Anderson (@GillianA) April 21, 2017

The President of Fox released this statement about choosing to pick up The X-Files again.

“Iconic characters, rich storytelling, bold creators – these are the hallmarks of great TV shows. And they are some of the reasons why The X-Files has had such a profound impact on millions of fans worldwide. Chris’ creativity, along with the brilliant work of David and Gillian, continue to propel this pop culture phenomenon, and we can’t wait to see what fresh mysteries Mulder and Scully uncover in this next chapter of The X-Files.”

Basically, “DUH, of course we renewed it. The fans would watch Mulder and Scully watch paint dry.” But also because those last six episodes were pretty good to me. Now that we know for sure that we’re getting another installment of The X-Files, I hope this means they’ll solve the important mystery from last season. No, I’m not talking about (SPOILER ALERT) if Mulder will be saved by William’s DNA. We need to know if Gillian will wear that sad lifeless wig again. The truth is out there!

Pic: Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By Salma Hayek’s World-Saving Chichis

Not pictured: Volunteers from UNICEF who are standing by with jugs and waiting for Salma Hayek’s suffocating tits to explode so they can collect her miracle chichi leche and feed it to dozens of starving orphans.

Last night in London, Salma Hayek went to something called The Evening Standard Theatre Awards and I bet that the people who went to that event couldn’t even tell you who won awards or what happened. The only thing they remember is Salma Hayek’s squeezed honeydew titty sacks. Salma Hayek’s magnificent chichis will make a ho forget everything.

Thanks to that ugly clown collar, Salma’s tits look like two face-less babies in bonnets sleeping next to each other. They also look like overfilled water balloons lying on a table and the next time I’m at a family party and see overfilled water balloons lying on a table, I’ll have to resist the urge to motorboat them.

And here’s more pictures of Salma Hayek’s TITS as well as pictures of Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, Kate Beckinsale and Ralph Fine-ass looking like the most charming flasher ever.

Pics: Wenn.com

David Duchovny And Gillian Anderson Made A Million Nerd Dreams Come True Last Night

Excuse me, but I need a moment to wipe away the various bodily fluids that started seeping out of me (drool, tears, random down-low liquids) after my eyes gazed upon the glorious sight of a still-can-get-it David Duchovny respectfully mouth humping on Gillian Anderson. Normally I’d call Gillian a fool for not grabbing his face with both hands and shoving her tongue deep enough into his throat that she could play his trachea like a xylophone, but Gillian is clearly more of a lady than I am. “Understatement” just hissed every one who knows my trashy ass.

The reason for Mulder and Scully’s mini X-Files reunion was to celebrate the release of David’s debut album Hell or Highwater in New York last night. Gillian hopped up on stage with David to sing a duet of “Helpless”, and that’s why the person in your office with the I WANT TO BELIEVE  poster is currently sobbing in the bathroom. It’s not bad; it’s basically what I imagine it would sound like if Mulder and Scully got drunk after work on questionable alien wine and hit up a karaoke bar.

Obviously Gillian and David’s duet and subsequent kiss could all just be some pre-planned stunt queen moves to drum up attention for his album or get people hyperventilating about that upcoming X-Files reboot, but I don’t care. Watching Mulder and Scully pre-fuck (isn’t that what kissing is, really?) is like nerd Christmas. But just like regular Christmas, I didn’t get what I really wanted out of that performance: hot daddy Walter Skinner entering from stage right without a shirt on and tearing shit up with a sexy harmonica solo.

File Under “Why?”: Gillian Anderson Recently Asked Chris Martin Out On A Date

That’s literally the exact same face I make any time someone tells me they think Justin Bieber is “just misunderstood.” And I’m not sure why she’s making it, but Gillian Anderson might find herself making that same face during a post-fuck conversation in the future that starts with the words “Wanna see my scarf collection?” According to The Sun (via The Daily Mail), there’s a pretty good chance that might happen, because Scully recently asked Chris Martin on a date. Today I learned: insomnia is very real and those who suffer from it will do anything to cure it. No! Maybe she just really likes drowsy singing types?

A “source” (Scully’s hot baldy boss Walter Skinner, I hope) said 46-year-old Gillian and 38-year-old Chris Martin are an “unlikely combination” but have “definite chemistry.” Sure, but what about…you know…Chris Martin’s girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence? Maybe she’s cool with it because she’s a hard-core X-Files fan from way back who has always dreamed of a three-way with Scully.

Of course, neither Gillian not Chris Martin’s people have yet to comment on their possible date. But I’m sure the truth is out th-NO ALLISON! You got this far without making a hackey X-Files joke, you don’t have to start now.

In the meantime, don’t expect to see Chris’ ex-wife (or as she probably calls herself, his former executive espousal consort) Gwyneth Paltrow getting jealous and rushing to one-up him by smug-arming Fox Mulder into a quickie marriage. Comic Book Guy’s culinary-world cousin Mario Batali told the NY Daily News that he doesn’t think his pal Goopy will ever get married again. Oh, that’s sad. I was really hoping to find out what Goopy-sounding snobby person term Gwyneth would invent for her second marriage. You’re right – it wouldn’t be a marriage; it would be a later-in-life union of elevated souls or something.