After Geraldo Rivera defended Matt Lauer and got shit for talking about how the world of news is “flirty,” Bette Midler reminded him and everyone else about the time she accused him of drugging and groping her. Geraldo has responded with a not-really apology.
I think it’s pretty widely accepted that Geraldo Rivera is an asshat. I, for one, never forgave him for that whackadoodle Al Capone’s vault stunt. Thanks for literally nothing, Geraldo! Now Geraldo is making headlines again by aggressively defending his pal and recently unearthed letch Matt Lauer. Geraldo #tooktotwitterwithavengence with a series of tweets not only defending Matt, but also giving us his nuanced take on workplace romance and offering solutions to the problem of women who just don’t get it.
The Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases cast was announced this morning, which means it’s that time when our heads barf up a stream of questions marks while reading the names of the bright shining A-listers who will bust out a lukewarm mambo for a check. ABC already announced that next season’s cast includes Ginger Zee (which sounds like the name of my second favorite malt liquor of the 90s) of Good Morning America, topless selfie adonis Geraldo Rivera, Donald Trump’s second trophy wife Marla Maples and Stephanie Tanner (born name: Jodie Lee Ann Sweetin) who is seen above with a new face courtesy of Photoshop. ABC announced the rest of the cast today and they also confirmed that Mischa Barton can finally pay her car note, because bitch is finally getting a check!
Compared to past seasons, the season 22 cast of DWTS is like the goddamn Oscars to me. I recognized most of the names. My brain activated the “Google that bitch, you dumbfuck” switch only 3 times and they were all sports people. That maaaaay be a record. Let’s see how you do:
And somewhere a child is screaming, “Abuelito, log off Twitter NOW!”
It’s been a little over a year since genitals dried all the way up and eyeball vessels burst from Geraldo Rivera giving everyone some “Pepaws with iPhones” shit by tweeting a topless selfie where his towel came dangerously close to exposing his shaved grandaddy crotch (and you know he shaves it). Well, just when genitals were starting to get moist again, Geraldo came back with a new topless tweet pic of him looking like a Wilford Brimley pin-up.
Geraldo is on vacation in Puerto Rico right now and he decided that it was a really good idea to hit the eyes of his followers with a picture of his 71-year-old nipples followed by his thoughts about yogurt (he meant Chobani, not Kobani, right?). I mean, political views should always be served with a topless selfie. Every cable news bitch should do that (hint hint, The Silver Fox). Once my eyes settled down from me scratching them out after being hit with Geraldo Rivera’s armpit fur, I saw a picture I kind of liked. Because of the ocean in the background and the way he’s leaning up against that wooden post, he looks like he’s saying, “Hey there, sailor, why don’t you come up and see me sometime?” It’s very “pier hustler glamour.”
But more importantly, would you hit it? And I don’t mean with a flying chair.
(Thanks to Al R. for sending this in. Thanks.)