Category: #Fast4Lyfe
Rita Moreno Joins The Cast Of “Fast X” Playing Vin Diesel’s Grandmother
Congratulations! It’s an abuelita! The Fast Family just got a little bit bigger, as it seems to do every damn day (they use the rhythm method), with the addition of the one and only Rita Moreno who will be playing Vin Diesel’s grandmother in Fast X, the upcoming penultimate installment of the Fast and Furious franchise. Rita will be joining other franchise newborns Jason Mamoa, Brie Larson and The Transporter director Louis Leterrier who is replacing OG Fast director Justin Lin who bailed on Fast X after reportedly beefing with Vin. But if Vin thought bringing a sweet old lady like Rita into the fold would be without risk, he’s got another thing coming. Don’t FUCK with Rita. She cheated on Brando with Elvis for revenge. And it worked. She will bury anyone who crosses her. If Vin still has a single working brain cell, he better use it to have fresh flowers to be sent to Rita’s trailer every day because when the next Fast Feud comes, and it’s gonna come, he’s gonna want to have Rita in his corner.
Meadow Walker Got Married And Vin Diesel Walked Her Down The Aisle
The Rock, or anybody else for that matter, may not know who Louis Thornton-Allan is, or what he does, or who his people are, but he better figure that shit out quickly because he just inherited a new mortal enemy. Louis just married into the Fast Family Feud by hitching his wagon to Vin Diesel‘s goddaughter, Meadow Walker. According to People, Vin walked Meadow down the aisle in lieu of her late father Paul Walker. Apparently, Louis’ family wasn’t able to make it to the wedding, which took place earlier this month in the Dominican Republic and was covered by Vogue Magazine, but who needs blood relatives when you’re marrying into the Fast Family where blood feuds trump blood relations every time? And according to The Sun, Tyrese has blessed the union on Instagram. So you know this couple is destined to go the distance.
Tiger Woods Was Speeding At The Time Of His Accident And Probably Hit The Gas Instead Of The Brakes
Too bad Top Gun 2 already wrapped because the LAPD has finally revealed the cause of Tiger Wood’s single vehicle, roll-over car accident but it’s too late for reshoots featuring Tiger speeding on the tarmac shaking a nine iron out the window, and yelling to Tom Cruise as he takes off into the sky “wait for me! I too, have a need for speeeeeeeeed!” According to TMZ, the black box from the 2021 Genesis GV80 Tiger was driving showed that he was driving “at speeds between 82 and 87 MPH” leading up to the crash. The speed limit on the curvy road near Ranchos Palos Verdes, CA is 45 MPH. And in addition to driving up to way over the speed limit, the black box also showed that Tiger probably hit the accelerator instead of the brakes. Still, no criminal charges will be filed and the LAPD says that they never got a warrant to check his cell phone to see if he was trying to text Tom about a cameo at the time of the accident.
The “Fast & Furious” Franchise Will Wrap Up After Two More Films
Deadline is reporting that the finish line is in sight for the Fast & Furious movies. After 20+ years and a billion pieces of shattered auto glass, the Fast franchise will be going out with a bang. And then another bang. And then an even bigger bang followed by some barely coherent mumbling then a maudlin mid-tempo rap song about the importance of family as the credits roll then a final “BANG!” followed by an epic gag reel for the ages. Mark. My. Words. With the 9th installment in post-production, Universal Pictures announced that there are only two additional Fast movies left on the horizon in which to solve the franchise’s central mystery— Who sharted? Yes, the entire franchise is about diarrhea, what did you think it was about? The cars are metaphors, dummies!