Category: Duchess Kate
Well, I Guess We Know Who Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Favorite One Direction Member Is….
There was talk that the name of Prince William and Duchess Kate’s third child was accidentally revealed by a glitch on the royal website. That talk came from The Daily Mail. The name that was accidentally revealed was “Albert,” as in PRINCE ALBERT. I pictured Prince Hot Ginge and THE QUEEN whispering to each other, “Do you think we should tell those bland squares what a Prince Albert is or just let them name their son after a dick piercing and a messy bareback slut prince?“, before cackling and doing another gin shot. But I guess what really happened is that Prince George took crash courses in coding on DeVry University online and decided to mess with the media by “accidentally” revealing his brother’s name on the royal website. Because Prince William and Duchess Kate announced the name of their 4-day-old baby and it’s not Prince Albert.
The New Royal Baby Has Blessed His Subjects With His Presence
SPOILER ALERT: And the new royal baby looks like… wait for it… wait for it… a baby. Although, the newborn prince looks more peaceful to me than a regular baby, and that’s probably because I know that he’ll never experience the stress that is looking at a credit card bill when the minimum amount due is $39.50 and he’s got $12 in his bank account.
The Newest Royal Baby Is Here!
Whenever I feel every kind of pathetic while cuddling and whispering sweet nothings into my DIY Prince Hot Ginge Real Doll (read: a white body pillow covered with orange Sharpie-made freckles, the scent of vodka, and topped with an orange yarn mop and bottomed with a carrot dildo), I’m going to think of the way-too-grown-for-this-shit men who once again (I think they did this with Princess Charlotte and Prince George) stood outside of the Lindo Wing with nightmare-inducing royal baby dolls for 15 days while waiting for Duchess Kate to give birth. Okay, no, I’m still more pathetic than them.
I Always Knew That Prince Hot Ginge Is THE QUEEN’s Favorite
THE QUEEN loves to guzzle down the sweet nectar, so I figured that she spent many a night bonding with her ginger grandson by doing shots of the good stuff in between crank calling Camilla and gently putting Prince Philip’s hand in warm water after he passes out on a pile of Corgis in the corner of the throne room. So I always figured that Prince Hot Ginge was the ginger apple of THE QUEEN’s eye, and it was 100% confirmed this morning when her official announcement of consent was released.
Open Post: Hosted By Meghan Markle Wearing A Long White Nipple Hat To Church
If you’re thinking to yourself, “Um, you dumb fuck, that’s a beret,” then I want to welcome you, first-time reader, to Dlisted, where I tell “jokes” that would even make an 8-year-old Adam Sandler fan say, “Grow up, bitch!”
Meghan Markle continued her new job of wearing hats to events today by joining Prince Hot Ginge, Prince William, Duchess Kate, THE QUEEN, Prince Charles, possible future Queen Camilla, and Liam Payne (???) at Commonwealth Day church service at Westminster Abbey. It was supposedly Meghan’s highest-profile event because THE QUEEN was there. So THE QUEEN saw Meghan in action, and I’m sure that after church, she passed Meghan a report card that read: “F minus for wearing a giant white tit on your head. The only giant white tit I want to see at these things is my son Charles.”
People says that Meghan paired her Stephen Jones beret, which is her way of paying homage to her man’s mother Princess Diana, with a $1,200 Amanda Wakeley coat and some navy dress. But really, who cares about some boring clothes when Prince Hot Ginge was there and he did this (I cropped out the children because they were ruining the picture):
And Meghan and PHG weren’t the only members of the royal family who wore navy. They all did (Meghan and Duchess Kate even wore the same navy heels. There must’ve been a 2-for-1 special). Well, all of them except for THE QUEEN. I’d like to think that THE QUEEN told everyone that on Commonwealth Day they wear navy, and then she showed up in burgundy. That’s how a QUEEN reminds the lessers that she’s QUEEN.
Pics: Wenn.com
Meghan Markle Came Out In Support The #MeToo And Time’s Up Movements
When Duchess Kate showed up to the BAFTAs last week, she made it very confusing for everyone wondering where she stood on the issue of the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements. The unofficial dress code was black, like the Golden Globes, but Duchess Kate wore green with a couple hints of black. She didn’t forget or anything, it was just against royal protocol to join in on a political campaign or movement. Meghan Markle isn’t technically a royal until she books it down the aisle of St. George’s this May, so she got in some civilian freedom by speaking about #MeToo and Time’s Up.