Or maybe that’s a “Shit, I left the 8-ball in my other clutch!” side-eye.
While the likes of Shirley Bassey and Victoria Silvstedt rolled their eye balls, Prince Albert and his prisoner bride Princess Charlene held court at Monaco’s Red Cross Ball on Friday night, which also looked like a competition between the ladies on who could show up in the shittiest gown that was purged from the asshole of a Windsor Fashions (SPOILER ALERT: Charlene wins!).
Never mind that Charlene’s gown looks like it has weights at the bottom so she can’t run when her warden husband isn’t looking, she’s getting a lot better at faking it in the face. Sure, most of the time Charlene has the same look on her face as a lesbian would have if she had to put her mouth on a soft dick, but at least she’s trying. In some of the pictures, she doesn’t totally look like a string of vomit is rubbing against her tonsils as her eyes silently sing “fuuuuuck myyyyyyyy liiiiiife” on a loop. Spending her days studying Stepford Katie’s manufactured smile has paid off, because Princess Charlene’s acting is getting better.
But if I was Princess Charlene, I wouldn’t be wasting my time with studying Katie’s smile or attending stupid ass balls. I’d be trying to fill my uterus with an heir. I’d command all of Prince Albert’s paid whores (both male and female) to lie down in a line. Then one by one, I’d squat over their mouths and tell them to cough hard, hoping that some of Prince Albert’s cum mist gets in there and knocks me up. The faster Charlene gets knocked up, the faster her shackles get cut off and she can collect that check (I think).