Category: Duchess Kate
Prince Harry And Prince William’s Royal Household Split Is Happening Soon
If Duchess Kate is smart, she’ll inventory all the good shit at Kensington Palace because Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan are on the fast track out of there, and the official split between Harry and Prince William’s joint professional royal household will go down in a matter of weeks. She can’t risk Meghan making off with Queen Mary’s good silver!
Duchess Kate Wore Princess Diana’s Earrings To The BAFTAs
Sure, Duchess Kate and Duchess Meghan may be friendlier now that THE QUEEN laid down the gauntlet at Christmas and said they better straighten up their act or else she’d only let them use Prince Philip as their unlicensed royal driver. Nevertheless, if I was in Kate’s shoes, that wouldn’t keep me from using the occasional outing to remind a bitch who is HBIC and who has the code to the better royal jewel room. It appears Kate did just that with her choice of earrings last night at the BAFTAs in London.
Royal Staffers Are Watching Online Trolls Like Hawks When It Comes To Duchesses Kate And Meghan
If you’re planning on commenting on Kensington Palace’s photos of Duchess Kate and Duchess Meghan with mean shit like “Forever 21 called…it wants its pea coat back” or “Who is going to push the other in a puddle first?!” (and I know you are, Duchess Camilla), watch your back. Big (Royal) Brother is watching your ass.
After months of endless reports that Meghan and Kate loathe each other and how Prince Harry and Prince William would rather go driving with Prince Philip than be in the same room together, royal handlers have had enough – especially with the commoner brides. The royal palace is monitoring their social media just to make sure you aren’t posting petty shit to ruin their posts of shaking hands and Meghan holding her baby bump.
UsWeekly Says That Duchess Meghan Is “Incredibly” Stressed By All Her Bad Press
UsWeekly wants you to think that the duchess détente isn’t as smooth as previously reported. Added to rumors that ranges from Meghan making Duchess Kate cry to her causing staffers to quit, is a new rumor that she finds the whole ordeal “incredibly stressful.” Yes, it’s a slow royal family news day.
Prince Hot Ginge Has Given Up Coffee, Booze, And Tea. How Is He Functioning?!
The main reason for why I’ve never gotten a woman pregnant is a little thing called “being gayer than a strawberry lube-scented fart out of a power bottom flamingo’s ass.” But now I know that the other reason why I’ve never gotten a woman pregnant is because as soon as she said the words, “Will you give up booze and coffee with me?“, I’d Billy Crudup her by leaving her pregnant ass for another trick, the other trick being hot rum coffee, of course. But not Prince Hot Ginge! PHG’s vodka-snorting days are so long gone that he actually broke up with the sweet nectar. And not only that, but he also temporarily ended things with coffee and tea after Duchess Meghan asked him to. Is PHG trying to give his memaw THE QUEEN a heart attack? Because that’s what might happen if he says “no thanks” to an offer of a gin or some tea.
Merry Christmas From The Curtsying Duchesses!
Not pictured: THE QUEEN in her ultra opulent maroon chariot, thinking to herself, “This my shit, bow down bitches. Bow down bitches, bow bow down bitches (Crown). L Town bitches.”
On this Christmas Day (otherwise known as Annual Gross Lovey Dovey Couples Hijacking Jesus’ Born Day By Announcing They Got Engaged Day), Prince Hot Ginge, Duchess Meghan, Prince William, and Duchess Kate did their second annual foursome strut to St. Mary Magdalene Church in Sandringham, only this time they were all probably thinking to themselves, “Smile something extra to kill those goddamn tabloids rumors.” Why do I have a feeling that before their little PR sashay to church, THE QUEEN texted all of them and recited Rose McGowan’s speech from Jawbreaker when she said, “You all are going to walk into that church and strut your shit down the hallway like everything is peachy fucking keen, get it?”