Category: Drake

Open Post: Hosted By Drake’s Bathroom Secrets

January 20, 2023 / Posted by:

In case you’ve somehow overlooked the flashy diamonds, exotic cars, opulent estates, private jets, on-demand stylists, hairdressers, barbers, tattoo artists and high-powered attorneys, state-of-the-art shitters, army of yes men, coast guard of big booty hoes, oceans of champagne and legally binding Certificate of Authenticity signed by the entirely of the NBA under duress, Drake is very rich. So rich, in fact, that he’s privy to luxuries the rest of us never even knew existed, let alone included on the vision boards of our youth. But Drake’s had his eyes on the prizes since before he could walk (which didn’t happen until 2009, prior to that, he required the use of a wheelchair if he wanted any attention or money). Drake recently let his fans in on a little secret only known to the wealthiest and most elite individuals on the planet. Trump may have used his power and influence to grab pussies with impunity, but Drake’s made of softer stuff than that. Well, it actually depends on what he’s eaten and how many bottles he’s popped, but for Drake, taking a long slow shit in private while other people are waiting in line is proof positive that he is a man of extraordinary mbeans.

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Drake Denies Claims He Flew A Woman Out For Sex And Then Kicked Her Out Afterward For Recording Him

December 29, 2022 / Posted by:

Recently, Drake commissioned a jeweler to make him a very modest necklace made from the 42 engagement rings for all the times he thought about proposing but never did. Well, one of those 42 engagement rings was definitely not meant for a TikToker who claimed Drake gave her the boot after knocking the boots. And Drake is refuting the claims from the woman who says he hit her up, hit her off, and then promptly told her to hit the bricks.

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Open Post: Hosted By A Necklace Made From Drake’s Collection Of Unused Diamond Engagement Rings

December 13, 2022 / Posted by:

I think we can now safely call Drake a “confirmed bachelor” without anybody getting bent out of shape about the historical implications of that designation since Drake himself is the one going out of his way to remind us that nobody is ever gonna wanna marry Him?  Page Six reports that Drake has teamed up with custom jewelry designer to the stars and probable inspiration for Adam Sandler’s character in Uncut Gems, Alex Moss, to create a necklace called “Previous Engagements,” which is made from 42 enormous diamonds that weren’t big enough to fill the gaping hole in his heart, or, sadder yet, even get a stripper to bite.

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Drake Gave DJ Khaled Four Luxury Toilets For His Birthday

November 29, 2022 / Posted by:

Now that Drake knows he will never, ever be friends with Taylor Swift or future presidential loser Kanye West he needs to make sure his other friends don’t also join the We Hate Drake fan club. So in an attempt to keep at least one of his high-profile relationships intact, Drake decided it was time to start giving out thoughtful gifts. And he’s starting with one of the loudest human beings on the planet DJ Khaled. This year for his 47th birthday, Drake gifted Khaled and his family FOUR luxurious toilets. And with this gift, Khaled will immediately be changing his catchphrase from “We the best!” to “We the SHIT!”.

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Taylor Swift’s Fans Are Protecting Their Queen On Twitter After Drake Threw Some Billboard Hot 100 Shade Her Way

November 15, 2022 / Posted by:

Swifties are having a WEEK. Today, they’re dealing with Tickemaster crashing as they try buy tickets to their Queen’s tour. And yesterday, they had to deal with Drake disrespecting their Savior!

Beyonce isn’t the only person with a fan base of STANS who are ready to draw blood at any cost for their Queen. Apparently Taylor Swift‘s fans are also just as messy as they are, and anyone who has anything bad to say about her will immediately feel their wrath. Recently low budget House diva Drake was definitely in his feelings after Taylor’s song Anti-Hero  once again got the top spot on the Billboard Hot 100, which shouldn’t come as a surprise because Taylor is a siren whose music hypnotizes money to drown into the sea of her bank account. Why Drake chose to say anything is beyond me but her army of fans, the Swifites, swiftly grabbed Drake by his weave and dragged him up and down the Twitter hallway.

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A Former Yeezy Employee Claims They Were Fired For Suggesting He Play Drake Songs In the Office

November 10, 2022 / Posted by:

Not too long ago, Kanye West was sitting on top of a billion-dollar empire. Then his mouth hole and tweeting fingers, which have gotten him in plenty of trouble before, really got him into trouble as his anti-Semitic and anti-Black views became louder, and louder. Several companies washed their hands of him, including Adidas. And former employees began sharing what a nightmare it was working for him. Well, more are talking and saying that Kanye fired employees for the dumbest reasons. Case in point: one former Yeezy employee claims Kanye pink-slipped them for suggesting they play some Drake songs in the office.

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