Teen Mom really cut and run at the right time because here’s a long interview with People, Jenelle Evans and David Eason–which I can only call an effort to “come out” about him killing Nugget. Which they both had previously denied…. to the police, reportedly. So the happy ending in all of this may be David and Jenelle getting handcuffed for lying to the police! But until then….
You think Lassie is talented? Pft. Lassie is cancelled! Because Susan Sarandon‘s dog is the new dog to hit the stroll with a cultural bang! Oh you can save puppies from fires? Susan’s dog smells racism. Top. That. Bitch.
We had to learn “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” back in middle school typing class, but Australia is about to teach its typers-to-be “The lazy dog is just frontin’ cuz his owner is trying to cut playtime short!” 9 News down in Aussie-land caught a dog playing dead for a minute because its owner was trying to leave the park, and Fido wasn’t quite done. Lying there like a corpse can get you anything you desire! (“Don’t I know!” –Melania Trump)
The owner tries to extend its paw to get it to move, but that pooch is showing about as much life as an Olsen twin at Fashion Week. It isn’t until when the owner derobes the canine (aka takes off its collar) that it rises from the dead and prances out like an emancipated Duggar offspring to the cheers and cries of other parkgoers. That pup better realize how lucky he is to have such a nice parent! Back in my day, Mama C.J. would play the “1…2…2 ½ …” game when I would demand five more minutes in the ball pit at McDonalds. If she ever got to 2 ¾ , I knew there was going to be a McHell to pay!
Last month, human alpha dog Cesar Milan got in a bit of trouble with Los Angeles County Animal Control after a delinquent doggy named Simon snapped at the ear of a trainer pig and drew blood during an episode of Cesar 911. LA Animal Control received a lot of concerned calls regarding Simon’s caught-on-camera attempted pork roast and decided to investigate further to see if there was any evidence of animal cruelty.
However, both Cesar and National Geographic WILD (the channel that airs Cesar 911) maintained that no neglectful shit happened and the pig was fine. LA Animal Control obviously agrees, because the LA Times is reporting that after a month of investigating, they’ve decided not to change Cesar with animal cruelty. The deputy director of the LACAC released this statement about Bacongate:
“After a comprehensive investigation by our officers, we presented a very thorough and complete report to the District Attorney’s office and they were unable to find anything to charge Mr. Millan with. It’s a fair decision.”
Apparently they came to the decision to clear Cesar Millan after watching the video of Simon and Trainer Pig’s tussle several times, reading the vet reports, and speaking to everyone who appeared in the episode. Cesar also released a statement of his own to Page Six, but his had a little more of an “I told you so!” flare to it.
“I am pleased but not surprised by this news. Our animal handling procedures are safe and humane. Just like LA County Animal Control, my team and I are 100% dedicated to the proper care of all animals, including the farm pig in this case. The investigation spanned several weeks and case evidence – including a complete video of the incident and interviews with those on the scene – was presented to the LA District Attorney’s office for final review.
“I am continuing my work rescuing and rehabilitating even the most difficult problem dogs. Which has saved the lives of thousands of animals that otherwise would have been euthanized.”
Cesar has said since the beginning that Simon and Trainer Pig put whatever drama they had behind them and are now best friends. I wonder if Animal Control also investigated that, since that’s clearly the most suspicious part of this whole mess. I mean, everybody knows that nobody goes on a reality show to “make friends.”
Yesterday, Allison, brought us the harrowing tale of how Cesar Millan, dog whisperer, is being investigated by Los Angeles County Animal Control for possible counts of animal cruelty. The animal in question is a lil’ ol’ pig that a dog named Simon bit on an episode of his show, Cesar 911. Simon, le dog avec aggression, apparently lives on a nearby farm and has had issues with le pigs before so Cesar has been rehabilitating him. But, those reality TV hos got him on camera going in for a nibble on a pig ear.
Well this is turning out to be a real backwards week for reality TV stars. First greasy gob Josh Duggar has been released back into the world. Now NBC4 Los Angeles (via People) is saying that passionate pooch helper Cesar Millan, of Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan and Cesar 911, is being investigated for animal cruelty. This is some Black Mirror shit.