Category: Bears
Open Post: Hosted By The Black Bear Who Crashed A Wedding
Weddings can be boring, but a couple in Mexico got a treat when a young black bear unexpectedly honored them with its presence during the reception. Guest Angie Diaz, whose cousin was the one getting married, filmed the bear destroying Table 5, sniffing some guests, and bumbling his furry butt outta there. You can hear people banging in pots and pans in an effort to drive the bear away (party poopers). And while the bear was the one causing all the drama, the real scene-stealer was the older gentleman in blue who refused to stop eating his meal in this life-or-death emergency. Maaaaybe if it were a grizzly. But a black bear? Psh. Pass the salt.
Open Post: Hosted By The Return Of Fat Bear Week!
When I first found out there was such a thing as Fat Bear Week I immediately started searching the internet for flights so I could be a part of it. I mean, who doesn’t like bears? They’re cute and cuddly and can keep you warm on those long lonely nights when you want to be held tight. However, when I discovered that this celebration involved actual bears and not men I started reconsidering. I don’t mind being mauled by a bear if he’s dressed in leather and talking dirty to me. But if we’re talking about the animal, that’s gonna be a no for me, dawg. Still, in case you didn’t already know, Fat Bear Week is an annual celebration of Goldilocks’ least favorite Airbnb hosts. And it’s primarily an attempt to present them as beautiful creatures of nature during a time of great climate change.
Open Post: Hosted By The Teenage Girl Who Shoved A Mama Bear To Save Her Dogs
You may have seen this recent viral vid doing the rounds: Three days ago a momma bear and her cubs climbed up a backyard wall in a San Gabriel Valley neighborhood, east of Los Angeles. Their afternoon stroll was soon interrupted by the residence’s four dogs, who raced out barking, “BEARS! BEARS! BEARS!” Momma bear, likely concerned for her cubs’ safety, took a few swipes at the canines. Then the pets’ teenage owner, 17-year-old Hailey Moronico, charged onto the scene, dramatically pushed the bear off the wall, grabbed a wandering pooch, and raced back inside. Everyone, including the bears, escaped relatively unscathed.
Elizabeth Banks Is Directing A Movie Called “Cocaine Bear”
The Hollywood Reporter says that Elizabeth Banks is directing a new movie called Cocaine Bear. The film is based on a true story from 1985, and boy, is it a doozy! A black bear stumbled upon a duffel bag filled with 70 pounds of cocaine (worth $15 million!) in Chattahoochee National Forest, Kentucky. The poor bear thought, “yummy food!”, scarfed it all down, and promptly died of an overdose. His body was found months later beside the empty bag. The drugs themselves had been dropped out of an airplane by a local smuggler/former police officer who was also killed after hitting his head while parachuting out of the plane. Nine more bags full of cocaine were recovered. I mean… wow. I know I probably just spoiled the whole movie for myself (and you!), but I’ll still watch.
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Open Post: Hosted By The Winner Of Fat Bear Week
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! The winner of Fat Bear Week 2020 has been declared! And no, it’s not a million-way-tie between all us heifers who gained the Pandemic 20. The title goes to… 747! And yeah, he’s named after the jumbo jet. Our new chunky champion, pictured above, stole the crown from last year’s winner, Holly. At around 20-years-old, 747 is famous for his low hanging belly (OMG me too), impressive fishing skills, and an ass so big and luscious it makes the Kardashians look like Lindsay Lohan circa 2004.
Open Post: Hosted By Fat Bear Week 2020
It’s time to crown 2020’s Fat Bear Week Champion! But wait, it’s not what you think! This a contest for the actual beefiest brown bear (Ursus arctos). A giant “phew” from the LGBTQIA+ population – they don’t need a superspreader event (a la the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally) taking out the heaviest half of their husky, hairy hunks!
Fat Bear Week is an annual tournament hosted by the National Park Service. The contest celebrates brown bears packing on the pounds in prep for winter hibernation (in which they’ll lose one-third of their body weight). Every summer the chubsters gorge themselves on salmon from Brooks River at Katmai National Park in Alaska, and people vote for their favorite fattie. Last year’s champion, 435 Holly (the luscious lady pictured above) is back to defend her 2019 title.