Category: Weight Watchers

Oprah Threw Out Half A Cake To “Reset” Her Healthy Eating

January 12, 2022 / Posted by:

Gayle King turned 67 over the holidays. To celebrate the occasion, bestie Oprah and her live-in fleet of culinary experts prepared a special Bananas Foster cake for the birthday girl. But two full weeks later, the leftover cake continued to exist in Oprah’s fridge. Watching her. Taunting her. Plotting her demise? “Eat me, Oprah. Put me insiiide youuu.” Yesterday Oprah said “ENOUGH!” and pulled a Miranda Hobbes: she chucked that wretched cake in the garbage. Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By Fat Bear Week 2020

September 29, 2020 / Posted by:

It’s time to crown 2020’s Fat Bear Week Champion! But wait, it’s not what you think! This a contest for the actual beefiest brown bear (Ursus arctos). A giant “phew” from the LGBTQIA+ population – they don’t need a superspreader event (a la the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally) taking out the heaviest half of their husky, hairy hunks!

Fat Bear Week is an annual tournament hosted by the National Park Service. The contest celebrates brown bears packing on the pounds in prep for winter hibernation (in which they’ll lose one-third of their body weight). Every summer the chubsters gorge themselves on salmon from Brooks River at Katmai National Park in Alaska, and people vote for their favorite fattie. Last year’s champion, 435 Holly (the luscious lady pictured above) is back to defend her 2019 title.

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Mariah Carey Might Have Had Gastric Sleeve Surgery

November 9, 2017 / Posted by:

The Angel of Christmas (and the latest accused sexual harasser), Mariah Carey, is really shaking things up and cleaning house in the lead up to her big holiday. She must have really been shook from last year’s Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest disaster because not only has she parted ways with her manager, Page Six reports that she’s taken a drastic step towards a physical transformation as well.

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Oprah Winfrey Dropped Some Pounds, Gained Some Cash

December 27, 2016 / Posted by:

A few days ago it was announced that Oprah Winfrey had lost over 40 pounds on Weight Watchers. Not only is she a client, she’s a shareholding board member, too! Oprah could attach her name to just about anything and watch the bucks roll into her bank account, so this meant that the Weight Watchers stock went way up on Thursday following the announcement.

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Everyone Is Poor: The Oprah Edition

February 27, 2016 / Posted by:

First Kanye, now Oprah! What is happening?!

This morning, Oprah Winfrey went to her bathroom, turned on the light, slowly walked to her mirror and upon seeing her reflection, did not recognise who she saw and had to ask, “Harpo, who dis woman?” because she just lost $21 million.

According to CNBC – yes, CNBC! We might be trash boxes (copyright: NeNe Leakes) but we can still read smart shit – Weight Watchers reported a drop of more than 20% in their fourth quarter revenue.

As you may now, Oprah made $12.5 million for one tweet where she screamed about how much bread she can still eat. She lost almost double that. The slump means that the value of Oprah’s stake in the company dropped by $21 million. However, she’s seen a gain of roughly $75 million since entering the partnership.

But who are we kidding, Oprah isn’t going to notice $21 million. That’s a drop in the damn prop comedy oversized bucket that is her vast wealth! Good for you, Oprah. Eat that bread and don’t bat an eye at that drop! Besides, it’s not really her loss, it’s an on paper stock sort of thing. That shit could skyrocket any day. Ugh. Stocks. Amirite?


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