Amy Wino’s smiling because she’s off to smoke more crack and feast on ice pops or maybe it’s smoke ice pops and feast on crack. Either or! Anyway, Wino left the hospital yesterday to begin rehearsals for Nelson Mandela’s birfday celebration in London’s Hyde Park this weekend. Nelson is a big fan of her heroin shake and intermission bumps during songs.

Wino was released just a few days after her daddy told reporters she had emphysema. Wino’s spokesbitch is singing a different tune today.

Her bitch told AP that Wino doesn’t have emphysema, “She is not diagnosed with full-blown emphysema, but instead has early signs of what could lead to emphysema.” Mitch Wino later backtracked his statements and admitted she didn’t have full-blown emphysema, but could get worse if she doesn’t stop smoking and druggin’. Basically, she’s got crackmonia. And Mitch Wino needs to sit down, shut the hell up and smoke some of his daughter’s crack!

My little Crackie of Camden. What a beautiful fucking mess she is. I wish I could turn her into a Tamagotchi, carry her around in my pocket and take care of her. Crackagotchi! She can eat ice pops all day, scream for Blaaaake and hide small animals in her crackhive.

Wino almost threw up her lungs, but she’s already back to smoking! Seriously, this mess of a ho will be back in the hospital next week for getting the crack pipe stuck in her vagina or something like that.

I don’t watch “The Two Coreys” because my weekly douche intake is already at its maximum level, but several of you whores wrote me on what went down on last night’s season premiere. Well, during last night’s episode, Corey Haim admitted to being raped at the age of 14. Corey Feldman also confessed he was child touched around that age. They didn’t say by whom, but it was one of Corey Feldman’s close friends. Escandalo!

I’m guessing the accused child toucher’s name rhymes with HACKO?

VIA ONTD

Thanks Valerie

The sexiest PSA ever – Towleroad

Serena Williams’ bodacious man chichis – Just Jared

Justin Timberlake gets half-nekkid in front his boyfriends – IDLYITW

Keira Knightley is full of fucking problems – Lainey Gossip

She also gets nude again in her new movie – Egotastic!

Pammy & Tommy get coffee together. They are totally going to get married again (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Ryder’s hair looks better than his mommy’s – Popsugar

Fake bi-sexual hooker in a purple dress – Hollywood Tuna

Smirnoff Ice is looking for a new man…when isn’t she? – I’m Not Obsessed

Jacko’s boys unmasked – Cityrag

Brody Jenner banned from Les Deux – ICYDK

Taco Bell vs. 50 Cent – A Socialite’s Life

Note to Christie: Everyone looks at internet porn – Celebitchy

Pammy Anderson on “google alerting” – Hollywood Rag

According to Time Magazine, something called “elder porn” is currently the rage in Japan. Quick! Somebody get on the next flight to Tokyo and bring me back some of these treasures. I would do a google search, but I don’t want to put my computer through that kind of trauma. It’s already been through too much.

Anyway, Time spoke to 74-year-old Shigeo Tokuda, one of the biggest stars in elder porn. Shigeo is not his real name because his wifey and kids have no idea that he’s a porn star. Shigeo has starred in more than 350 movies in the past 14 years. Jenna Jameson doesn’t have shit on this pepaw.

Shigeo’s movies have become best sellers for Glory Quest, the porn company he works for. The PR bitch for Glory Quest explained why elder porn is so successful for them, “If we only make standard fare, we cannot beat other studios. There were already adult videos with Lolitas or themes of incest, so we wanted to make something new. A relationship between wife and an old father-in-law has enough twist to create an atmosphere of mystery and captivate viewers’ hearts.” Their hearts? I think it’s captivating something a little lower than their hearts. Like their bowels.

Shigeo said that he plans to work as long as they continue casting him, “People of my age generally have shame so they are very hesitant to show their private parts, but I am proud of myself doing something they cannot. That doesn’t mean that I can tell them about my old-age pensioner job.”

Unfortunately, Time didn’t ask the hard-hitting questions. We all want to know how big the dick is and how does he keep it up? I’m guessing it looks just like a turtle head and he rubs a little wasabi on the tip to keep it going.

Thanks Samara

71-year-old George Takei and his 54-year-old man of 21 years signed their lives away today in West Hollywood, CA. George and his honey bunny, Brad Altman, will marry on September 14th. They were among the first gays to pay $70 for a marriage license which is good for 90 days.

George told reporters outside, “It’s going to be the only day like this in our lives and it is the only day like this in the history of America. May equality live long and prosper.”

All this homo wedding shit is almost putting me in the mood, but I’m too much of a dumb slut to be legally promised to someone. I believe the only reason to marry a bitch is if they have more money than you. If they don’t, what’s the point?! I know, call me old-fashioned.

And “DAMN” at George being 71. Pepaw looks hot. There must be some anti-aging supplements in George’s sperm, because his man’s skin is almost perfect. George should bottle that shit. SuluJizz Cream!

And here’s some sad news….. Movie star and dancer, Cyd Charisse, passed away today at the age of 86. Her publicist said she was admitted to Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles yesterday after she suffered an apparent heart attack.

She was born Tula Ellice Finklea on March 8, 1921. She starred in such films as “Ziegfeld Follies,” “Singin’ in the Rain,” “The Band Wagon,” “Brigadoon” and “Silk Stockings.” Band Wagon was always one of my favorites. You should definitely NetFlix it if you haven’t seen it.

She is survived by her husband of almost 60 years, Tony Martin, and her 2 children.

Rest in peace, Cyd…..

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