DMX was arrested again. Maybe he’s just not satisfied with his mug shot, so he keeps trying to get it right. He was busted at a mall in Phoenix yesterday for allegedly giving a fake name and Social Security number to a hospital in order to get out of paying medical bills. This is his 6th arrest in almost 3 months.

DMX, real name Earl Simmons, used the name “Troy Jones” and didn’t pay a $7,500 bill. Well, he couldn’t pay it because he’s too busy getting arrested! Give a bitch a chance. And how the hell did the billing bitch not notice DMX from all his mug shots. I would’ve said, “Hey D! I’m a big fan of your work and by ‘work,’ I mean all your mug shots!”

He was arrested and booked. Bond has not been set.

The sheriff of Maricopa County said, “He’s back in jail again. I don’t know why judges keep letting this guy out. Every time he goes in there, he gets out on bond. I’m hoping this is the one time he’s going to pay the penalty for his offense”

Click here to see all of DMX’s past mug shot. Can we get a smile next time, D?

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“Desperate Housewives” was only hot during season 1 and then it quickly became a borefest. I blame Eva LongWHORIA. The show’s creator, Marc Cherry, said that this shit will end after season 7. Season 5 will begin airing in the fall.

He said, “I love working with these gals, but the idea of letting anyone else take the show from me kind of makes me sad and sick to my stomach. Of course, this could be some clever ruse on my part to get tremendous amounts of money in season eight, but who knows.” Ugh. Why did he have to say that last part? It’s probably the truth.

Season 7 can’t come sooner! After the finale, LongWHORIA will quickly go from Direct-to-DVD star to Lifetime movie star to Skinemax star to reality star to completely dropping off the face of the planet. It will be a long journey to an Eva-free world, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Moira Orfei – Queen of the Italian Circus! She’s also a singer, actress and living legend! She’s also the owner of two gorgeous chola eyebrows.

For Marco

This story has nothing to do with Wonky McValtrex, but I googled “dick sucking competition” and this picture came up. It just seemed right.

So… 9 British chicks were arrested this past weekend for taking part in an oral sex competition on the Greek island of Zakynthos. The police said that the dumb whores are facing prostitution charges.

The chicks were vacationing on the island when they were offered money to take part in the contest. They were videotaped and the organizers planned to show it on the internet. 6 British dudes, 6 Greek dudes and two bar owners were also charged with encouraging obscene behavior.

Those 9 dumb whores should be ashamed of themselves! They obviously thought they were good enough dick suckers to enter a competition, but they can’t persuade a few cops to let them go? Any skilled dick sucker would’ve sucked those cops into submission!

It’s a sad day when bitches can’t suck dick in public without getting arrested. What is this world coming to?

And what I want to know is, what are the rules in a dick sucking contest? Whoever deep throats the longest without barfing wins? Does honorable mention go to whoever can lick the nuts with their tongue at the same time? And where can I download an application for next year’s competition? I’ve been training.

That being said, I am pleased to announce that next year I will hold the First Annual Dlisted Convention around this time on the beautiful Greek island of Zakynthos. Don’t worry about packing clothes, you will only need condoms, toothpaste and a giant economy size Listerine. Don’t bring floss! Remember! You aren’t supposed to floss before sucking a big dick!

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Thanks Lisa

“Mary-Kate seriously needs to get to rehab, but she doesn’t think she has a problem. She thinks she’s young, hip and entitled to live her life as she sees fit. But it’s affecting everything.” That’s what some inside source told Star Magazine. Why do inside sources always talk like entertainment reporters? Young and hip? Ew.

The source claims MK is one messy troll and that she’s been partying all the time and binge drinking. Okay, “binge drinking” for her is probably like two sips of a beer a night. Seriously, that tiny troll totally gets drunk from just sniffing rubbing alcohol.

The source also said MK visited some holistic spa to detox, but that didn’t stop her partying ways. Of course not! Detoxing is just to prepare yourself for the next round of binge drinking. Drop and reload!

Now I don’t know if this messy troll needs rehab for booze problems, but she should seek help for wearing those Arthur the Aardvark sunglasses in public.

P.S. – I love the picture of Tommy Girl with Xenu handles. It gives John Travolta something to hold on to while he’s riding that alien pony into the next dimension.

And I love Kanye. I love him more and more each day. I want to have a million of his angry, ranting, douche sunglass-wearing babies. You know, this mad ass foolio must have himself on “google alert,” because he has already responded to the rumors about him going into anger management. There’s a not a lot of CAPS in his newest BLAHg, but there are plenty of question marks:

NO ANGER MANAGEMENT… IF ANYTHING I NEED ANGER ENHANCEMENT! LOL!!!
07.07.2008

Do yall remember when people said my fiance was pregnant???? What happened to that rumor????? I guess after we broke up it was just forgot about???? I’m just using that as an example of how people make up stuff and everybody runs with it. I had my own family asking me about that. Now the media is saying I’m going to anger management something or ‘nother. I have never had any conversations about anger management. If anything, I need anger enhancement!! lol! I get off the plane in Hawaii today and the world is saying my management team said blah blah blah… SIIIIIIGGGHHHH! I told the media you can’t make up lies about me because I have a media outlet myself. Oh and sidebar I don’t know if everyone has realized this yet but I don’t do interviews if there’s anything I wanna say I’ll say right here on my own blog.

Check this out…I took a quote from my rant and used it as my headline.. just like a real media outlet would… hahaha

Whenever I read these rants, I picture him violently typing away and “LOLing” like a mad man. He must go through precious MacBook Airs the way he goes through question marks. ???????

He reminds me of the nerds in high school that would go on and on about something dorky like Dungeons and Dragons. They would get all intense and shit. It would usually end with them yelling at me, because I wasn’t paying attention. I would just sit there, staring at them and thinking, “Just shut up and do me.”